It’s really no secret that I love 90s rock alternative. Today a song that I have always loved came on the radio right before I arrived at work. It played perfectly up until the point when I had to turn off my car and the song was just ending. I like when that happens. On the subject of secrets, it was months after she told me not to talk about our relationship to others that I realized just why it was a bad idea to share concerns and worries with your friends instead of the lady that causes the feelings..

All of my friends judge me and well.. her, terribly — because they just don’t understand. How could they? I hardly understand, but I continue to believe that I have a firm grip on what’s important.

As my friend gives me a run down of the drama that has ensued in her life lately, it really gave me a perspective as to how she might feel about the situation that we have ended up in.

It’s easy to feel like the victim when you feel like everything is going wrong and you just can’t understand why, but it’s much harder to step back and realize how your words and actions affect others.  She has seen the fear in my eyes, but she has also seen the love.

Where did that point and purpose scurry off too?  It is about that time where it has become lost again.  There has been a few sayings that have given me hope and motivation lately.  Last night I heard one in reference to my friend that is having some issues with her own romantical life… I know that is not a word, but it should be..

Someone told her, “If you are in love with two people at once, you should probably choose the second one.. because something was wrong with the first one to allow this to happen in the first place.”  Now I don’t think those quotes should be on there, because the world knows that I can’t remember exactly what was said, but I heard what I needed to hear.

The other quote was in reference to enlightenment.  I couldn’t even get close with that one because it was days ago but the gist was that one becomes enlightened when they can stop worrying about everything and start letting things take its course.. or thats what I got out of it anyway.  Now it could just be the pills talking, but I have been feeling a lot better about things the more than she tells me, even if its hard to swallow at first.  ..Everything happens for a reason.

In exciting news, I have plans to meet with my favorite lady today after work to get drinks at the coffee shop and go see her rockin new car today. Normally I would be more excited about the car.. but that’s not the case – that’s how you know it’s real.

and as for this lovely song.. She has never told me that she loved me before, except in my dreams.. hilarious but that’s a literal statement, however, if my opinion counts for anything, she’s told me that she loves me in so many more ways.. including a silent, wonderful look..