• byShe Says • InPop, R&B, Soul music • Comments Off on Have you ever tried to find the words but they don’t come out right?
Today has been really difficult to hold it together. Last Tuesday was an emotional roller coaster and I still don’t know what’s going on, but I have a good idea.
The flame extinguisher is at it again and its far more serious than I can express here.
Then this song came on the radio when I was coming home from Jeremy’s house. I enjoyed it too much and then laughed at the thought – in 1998, this is certainly what I was listening to and I have some very nice archived tapes to prove it.
Around 1998, I was in middle school – enjoying cable TV in my own bedroom. Within a few years, I would be tying up the home telephone line for hours downloading these songs on Napster. That may have come a few years later.
• byShe Says • InRock • Comments Off on I know the pieces fit
This morning I woke up in a panic, wondering when that Tool concert was. I sent her a quick message, telling her to avoid Tool concerts because they were a trap and then I had to go to my computer to look up when they would actually be near and I couldn’t have surprised myself more – the show was tonight. So I proceeded to over think it all day and work myself up.
There is far too much to say about why I was absolutely crushed when I heard that Tool was going on tour. I never even looked up the dates so I have no idea how I was able to pinpoint it to the day but maybe it was just the way it felt. I am quite experienced with this pattern – I just hate it so much.
After driving around late at night, I heard a familiar song that took me back to a night in 2014 that felt so much more painful. I thought about how I convinced myself that there was no way that I would run into them in so many people. The moment I turned around from waiting for the tram with the people that I was with only to see them right there. I panicked then too and started walking back to the car, knowing they were following me the whole way. Those days are over and I just have to make sure they do not continue to repeat, I don’t think that either of us can take much more of this. I will fight for her in the softest ways I know how.
• byShe Says • InMusic, Soul music • Comments Off on It never really mattered too much to me that they were just too damned blind to see
She sent me a selfie the other day from when she had gone to a party. She wore a necklace that I had given her so many years ago and paired it with a statement that absolutely filled my heart. I have been wildly shy since. She is far too pretty to be talking to someone like me but I will pause my life just to open doors for her. I can only hope that she is into this trade off. Wait until she finds out that I can fix her internet too. That is a big joke, I doubt my customer service skills or troubleshooting guesses can get me very far here – except that paycheck I depend so heavily on.
Once, a few years ago, my brother stopped me in the hall and asked me how I was going to ask her to move in with me if I was too shy to even talk to her. I felt it was a keen observation on his behalf and answered that I had lived with plenty of people that I didn’t talk to but that was a complete joke. I know that I will be able to get through such a ‘rough’ situation. After a week or two, I am certain that I will be able to handle being around such a pretty lady – nerds have a hard time with that.
Today, I have been trying to find ways tell her that no matter what, she will always be safe with me but I don’t really know how to put that in words in a normal way. How does one say – I do not subscribe to the societal ideal that people can kick people out of where they live.. For any reason. I think I am still a bit sad with that turn in my graphic novel. Suddenly Blue didn’t feel like the Warmest Color after all. The book was great and tugged at my heart strings in every direction. Made my life feel so much more normal for a minute until the story took a 360 and the darkest dive possible. I want to tell her that she is safe with me and that I would never let anything get between us but that doesn’t even sound believable if you have to state it. I’d like to think she already knows this but if I were her, I can’t say that I would be so sure of anyone in this world. If I need to create an ethical soundness resume, at least I have plenty of experience and references.
Here is a random, unrelated, song that I hear on 90s on 9 today. It is a blast from the past that I enjoyed hearing.
• byShe Says • InGrammy Nominee • Comments Off on So it’s not hard to fall when you float like a cannon
My heart is racing and I don’t even know what to do with myself. There are two sides of my emotions and both of them are beaming but by the way I am just trying to stay calm really shows me how far I have come. It’s an energy that makes me want to run around in circles. Though the realist in me stops any celebrations until I knoiw that she is free.
After a long walk in the woods, I couldn’t be smiling more and I hardly even questioned if I failed once again because she has a way of telling me that I haven’t – though, there is a deep level of regret that I didn’t trust how I felt and wrote it off so many times before.
I don’t feel comfortable writing any meaningful words on here so I will add a handful of songs and then I’ll go and find some secure way to write down cherished memories.
In February 2022, days before the Russian and Ukrain war broke out, I hear Chris Cornell’s version of Nothing Compares to You. At the time I saw it called a Prince cover. Before that day, I did not realize that Sinéad O’Connor’s version was a cover. Now that all of the above have passed, I am going to see how Pink sounds covering it. Clearly all the lines are not applicable but I sure do enjoy a few of them. I cut and paste my pop songs the way that I like the best.
Driving away was so very hard today. I trust in the future completely and I get less afraid personally every day – globally, I can not say the same.
A touching performance after he just was told live in his concert.
Last night, I had a dream that we drove a van Uhaul off into a “Ring of Fire” eclipse.
I had been telling her that it was called the Ring of Fire Eclipse and that I was going to call it the Johnny Cash Eclipse.
When I went to go leave for work 30 minutes later than I normally would, I started my car to find this song playing. I got the cheesiest grin on my face suddenly.
She recently told me that she had a dream that we bought a house in the town that we recently met up in. My heart went wild just hearing that. I haven’t seen her since but I have been fightingh terribly.
And I will need to come back to another cover to this song – it get’s me everytime.
