The Grammy Nominees is a series of various artists compilation albums celebrating the best of the music industry. Albums are released before the airing of the annual Grammy Awards. All of the songs on the albums are Grammy nominated in the year released.
I haven’t been able to sleep well lately.
It’s painful being a little lesbian. It is amplified when I start worrying about his feelings and needs. It’s then that I get embarrassed – not that I am a complete asshole – because I concern myself with his well-being too. Quite frankly it pissing me off in a weird way – like why can’t I just hate him? It’s weird.
No starving dogs here, just good music.
And wonder who you’re married to
Wanna say it now, wanna make it clear
For only you and God to hear
When you love someone
They say you set ’em free
But that ain’t gonna work for meI don’t wanna live without you
I don’t wanna even breathe
I don’t wanna dream about you
Wanna wake up with you next to meI don’t wanna go down any other road now
I don’t wanna love nobody but you
Lookin’ in your eyes now, if I had to die now
I don’t wanna love nobody but you
I was just clicking through some new site and saw that there was some controversy between Adam Levine and Blake Shelton and when I took a second to read, the real news was that Blake Shelton was marrying Gwen Stefani. There was a slight moment on awkwardness when I thought back to 1996 but here are a few songs that I love and shaped my adolescence. When I listen to them, the emptions they bring really go back to a few core aspects of my life.
When I hear the song Austin, I nearly cry every time. This song came out in 2001 but I group it with all the other late 90s country music. Time blended together back then. I didn’t know true dedication and patience at the time but I have been spending nearly the last decade learning it and when I hear thing song, I just relate to my own life and situation. I can start about anywhere in this song and sing it – its always during the last message that my voice cracks.
I am so detached from the media these days that I had no idea that they were even dating – but Gwen.. she taught me a lot. Taught me to rebel against the conservative family and area that I was growing up in. No Doubt’s Tragic Kingdom and Jewel’s Pieces of You were the first CDs I owned and I feel like that shaped me a lot. Before that I had Collin Raye’s Extremes on tape and any Jimmy Buffet cassette that my dad owned.
Refreshing not to see
That I don’t have to pretend
She doesn’t expect it from me
Today, I couldn’t shake this album that my love would describe in a painstaking way but somehow Mirrorball has been one of those albums I have fallen back on all of my lesbian career. I remember driving up I35 near Oklahoma listening to this song on my first ridiculous journey. She’s a he now and its just interesting to think about – but those roads taught me this album. It wasn’t until this decade that the words really meant something to me.
It’s strange to me that my grandparents and great grand parents were getting married in their teens and staying married forever and I can’t even convince someone that I… well, I will be 40 before I know it. Why do I even feel this way.
One more time
I hate when commercials ruin songs, hopefully soon we will forgot about those sad dogs on TV. Damn, I cleaned under my spacebar and now it is hitting weird. Let today mark the day that I broke something trying to clean. I advise against it.
Also – this music, makes me not hungry. Whatever that means.
This song hurt in weird ways. When I reverse a song, it usually digs deep.
Headed back to that time period, quickly. Now a few from one of my first CDs.
Someday, YouTube will tell me how many times I have listened to these song – it if was a tape, I would have worn it out by now. At this point I am just clicking on my favorite suggestion to the rights for the next song. It is possible to sit here and do nothing else but listen to the toughest music that I could think to listen to. I check my phone more often than I should and tell myself that she is probably a sleep.
Well, you see her when you fall asleep
Passenger
But never to touch and never to keep
‘Cause you loved her too much, and you dived too deep
I feel like I am only about two steps from Tailor Swift and I have already seen Sarah McLachlan grace the suggested list as if someone is picking the songs for me. It would be nice if these algorithms would just stop – I have seen The Social Network and its working.
Tonight is the first time I have heard this song in a different light.
I am supposed to work about 12 hours straight tomorrow but I can’t seem to force myself to go to bed.
And suddenly.. after the next song, I want to go to bed, I just hope she visits me in my dreams. I try not to ask much.
I wonder if she knows how much I fear July 27th after I spent to many hears missing her. I was walking on the inside of the square nearing her bakery at the time. I paused in my tracks – suddenly wondered if anyone could see me – felt like I was in a horrible movie and was in disbelief a that. She used words that scared me for her so I just backed of quickly but I just don’t think that I should do that anymore – but what can I even do?
You get down, real low down
Sheryl Crow
You listen to Coltrane, derail your own train
Well, who hasn’t been there before?
I come ’round, around the hard way
Bring you comics in bed, scrape the mold off the bread
And serve you French toast again
Well, okay, I still get stoned
I’m not the kind of girl you’d take home
I nearly feel guilty for feeling some songs – but I felt it hard.
I hate when I get lost in songs like this. As I left work, it was playing. Of course, I had to roll down my windows and scream it to myself – it makes me feel better – about doing nothing. I know that she wants me and she even confirms everything that I want to hear but I just feel like I can not complete the puzzle and I do not know what to do.
Some nights, its harder than others. But when I feel like this, I feel like I act like this every damn night.
This is it, boys, this is war, what are we waiting for?
Fun.
Why don’t we break the rules already?
I was never one to believe the hype
Save that for the black and white
I try twice as hard, and I’m half as liked
But here they come again to jack my style
Sometimes the words between the lines scream out at me. That’s when I ask myself what the fuck is wrong with me. How many patterns can you recognize and disregard before you realize that you aren’t quick or smart – possibly closer to fucking stupid but that is an argument with myself that I hope I never have to truly have.
Current political issues have me fearing the future. As Texas makes abortion less accessible – I fear what next. When “If These Walls Could Talk” came out on HBO, I watched them. The look into the history of abortion terrified me but I didn’t think that it applied to my life at all. Its been over a decade since I have watched either but I know every critical scene because they all got through to me. Now that I have experienced life for about 20 years or more since each, I realize how much the right to an abortion is critical and could affect my life drastically if the circumstances were grossly aligned.
The second one has always been deeply rooted in my heart. I was about 16 or 17 years old when I realized why having a marriage license was so important and at the time there was no hope it sight. I never even fathomed the idea that I may have the possibility to get married in America. Eventually I knew a few counties that I could but that would never help me here. Since then, I have met the one and that was before it was even legal. I celebrated her home state allowing same sexed married months or years after we met. After it was federally legal, my mind tended to drift. It’s kind of cool to have never really believed I would marry anyone but one person, as before her – I never knew it could happen. Enough about the gays, we all know about that and today its more about Demi Moore and 1952.
All those thoughts made me connect each song to each other. When the song below plays, I have equal and different emotions in the same direction as the last, I should probably go to sleep soon, she might miss me in our dreams.
He says I know you have to go
Ani DiFranco
You have gone before
We are fighting on two different fronts
Of the same war
But no matter what else
I will do
I will wait for you
My boxer neighbor was over tonight and saw me writing, she asked about the site. She was so impressed, and said things that really made me feel better about my situation. Sometimes I think I vent to her and just tell her how hard it can be and she really can only listen because she has no personal experiences like that and is so sheltered its nearly an innocent opinion.
People act like caring about someone makes you crazy and sometime that can really hurt.
Here is a song that graced my screen today, its a song that goes so far back in my little heart but it never meant this before. This feeling gets stronger every time i hear it as many months usually pass first. Most sound minded lesbians avoud Sarah McLachlan at all cost, Plus we all see those poor pups on TV at the mention of her name.
‘Hold on, for this is going to hurt like hell’
its actually:
I have seen this movie and this combination hurt before I ever hurt play. Sometimes – I feel like I am stuck in a movie.
It’s 1:11 am, do I get to make a wish? I’ll make half of one – that important half.
When she says that she wants to be next to me, I feel like I could wait forever – but I hope I don’t really have to.
In case it is the last time
That we might be exactly like we were
Before we realized
We were sad of getting old
It made us restless
Oh, I’m so mad I’m getting old
It makes me reckless
It was just like a movie
It was just like a song
When we were young
My birthday is on the horizon and I am afraid that it puts me in my late 30s.