Rock

This is a list of rock music genres consisting of subgenres of popular music that have roots in 1940s’ and 1950s’ rock and roll, and which developed into a distinct identity as rock music in the 1960s, particularly in the United Kingdom and the United States.

Livin’ a life that I can’t leave behind

• by She Says • In Alternative, Dreams, Rock •   Comments Off on Livin’ a life that I can’t leave behind

The lengths that I will go to
The distance in your eyes
Oh no I’ve said too much

There’s that line in this song that takes me back to everything bagels and desperately listening. That laughter warms my heart more than I could describe. I’d do anything just to spend a little time with her.

Tonight has been hard and I feel I caused it with one bad decision and ridiculously terrible timing.

I should go listen to some Sarah McLachlan. There’s a woman that I can’t get off my mind. I just want to fight for her so badly.

How ’bout unabashedly bawling your eyes out

• by She Says • In Alternative rock, Folk Rock, Grammy Nominee •   Comments Off on How ’bout unabashedly bawling your eyes out

It has been too difficult to even write about. So many things have happened and I am left crying my eyes out in a house all alone. My puppy doesn’t know what to do but she is trying her hardest to comfort me.

I will skip ahead past all of the agonizing things I have been avoiding writing about. A few days ago I posted some meme about listening to Ani DiFranco and a random guy in my town said that School Night was one of the best songs ever. After I said that I would check it out as I did not know it, he warned me not to if I was having a good day. Since I had nothing to lose, I went straight for it after work. It took a few replays and reading the lyrics before it completely wrecked my world. I knew this movie and I did not know there was a sound track. There is a roller coaster of emotions that goes with this song and I am sure its easy to see which line digs the deepest – its the one that reminds me that no matter how soft I get, I am still a jealous lesbian and I don’t know that I can ever escape that.

I haven’t been able to talk to her in so long and its really getting to me. I feel like I did some stupid shit back on July 20th. It was an important day to me and the day prior I was at work and realized that it was the middle day between when my friend Jenn was murdered (July 15th) and the day my brother died (July 25th) so as I will, I took it as a sign that I had to find a way to check on her because I would not loose her to domestic violence or anything else.

Well things didn’t go as planned and I pretty much embarrassed myself while trying to be some super hero.

Here is my tragic song, though I consider it to reside around the middle of August 2013 so this will be a reflection of my agonizing past, and well, I really have no idea what the current reality is – I am so long and afraid of what I don’t understand, I just panic myself constantly while making all of the wrong decisions.

At this point I am putting my trust in her and believing that she knows best. It terrifies me to no end, but I just wait to hear from her, so patiently and possibly stupidly.

I’m already the asshole. I realized it just a few years ago, that he would be furious.. I knew it would be worse when he realized it was me. When I was younger, I was dilutional, I thought – he won’t hate me.. but at some point, it occurred to me that one day.. he would fucking hate me. and I feel.. that day has come.

That’s based on the information I absorbed mid panic attack at the Walgreen’s parking lot. I believe I referred to this Sunday adventure as in the CVS parking lot for the first month or so but once I calmed down I realized that.. that was clearly.. always a Walgreens but sure CVS when you can’t think straight.

It’s really hard that I only want to be part of one person’s life and somehow – I am not capable.

There is still a chance that they will see

• by She Says • In Music, Rock •   Comments Off on There is still a chance that they will see

I am still finding it hard to put my thoughts into words, those I remind myself that my fear in writing anything out is only leading to lost records in the future.

This started around the time of the Russian invasion. It may have started because of me. As it approached the date which would have made 3 years since I had seen her last, I flirtatiously asked her if I could see her. She responded in a way in which I did not expect. She replied asking where we would go if we could see each other. I came up with the best answer I could think of on the spot and she asked me to meet her at that glass blowing studio on Sunday at 2. My adrenaline rushed and I had no idea that I would get a response like that. I mildly panicked, rushed to get a hair cut before the day and the something more along the lines of what I would expect – she had to cancel – but there was something specifically heart wrenching about the message that I received. The message came 3 to 4 hours after she would normally get online and she simply told me that she just recalled something she had to do that day. I didn’t get much else of an explanation but I had my theories.

On Monday morning, I woke up to a more chilling message – this one even later than the last – around 5 AM. She told me that she had broken up with him and that he got really mean and it scared her. I immediately regretted asking to see her as I blamed myself. There was a part of my heart that was glowing, wondering if that was what she recalled that she had to do – if seemed quite romantic, until I felt like she could be in harms way. I attempted to remain calm and rational, which I then reminded her that I had no idea where she lived since she moved about 6 months prior. She promptly told me her address and the seriousness sunk in.

She went silent a bit after that and a panic that I had never known came over me. I was minutes from going over there – I was actually circling her street trying to figure out what to to while talking to her friend. Her friend calmed me down, reminding me that she is a very smart woman and that she knows what she is doing – but I am slightly concerned that this friend is young and naive – there are things that I can’t take my chances on. With that said, this happened three and a half months ago.

Yesterday made 9 years since I had met her – a day that I hold quite dear in my heart. I wasn’t able to see her or even talk to her. The conversations that we have had over the last few years really helped me get through the day – but I am having a really hard time focusing on anything but wanting to know how she is and how I can get her unstuck.

I’ve been walking these streets at night

• by She Says • In Rock •   Comments Off on I’ve been walking these streets at night

When I heard this version of ‘Nothing Compares 2 U” on sxm the other day, I was more than surprised.

I sit here on the stairs
I’d rather be alone
If I can’t have you right now, I’ll wait, dear

Sometimes it gets so tense
I can’t speed up the time
But you know, love, there’s one more thing to consider

I saw Soundgarden with Nine Inch Nails months before Chris Cornell passed. Based on the circumstance I am willing to bet I wrote about that show on here in September of 2014.

Well I’m runnin through the world

• by She Says • In Dreams, Folk Rock, Pop, Rock •   Comments Off on Well I’m runnin through the world

The last message I sent her before going to bed said that I wished that we could stay up all night talking.

Then I had a dream, that felt like it lasted all night. We went multiple places and had an amazing time. Currently I can remember a few specifics and it seems that those were the moments that really stood out to me in the dream – but what do I know, I can’t even remember the rest.

I can’t connect the dots or even guess how it all started. I can say that there was a time that I was in a pool, and I feel like I had to get in in my shirt and underwear. I’m not one to make such bold moves. At some point, I was touching her side, taking note that it was real and I could actually touch her, she put her hand on mine to calm my nervous movements.

If I were to try to pull specific themes to go read about, this would be my thrown together list.

  • Pool, swimming
  • Going to eat
  • Watching the sun rise
  • Believed I could feel touching her

Its more of the specific moments that stand out to me but I am not ready to put words to it. I woke up feeling like we spent the night talking – but I can’t remember any meaningful dialogue.

We were walking through some field, it almost resembled a game that I play, when the sun started to come up and she pointed over toward the horizon and made a comment to suggest that we did get to stay up all night talking.

Pool

To see a pool of water in your dream indicates that you need to acknowledge and understand your feelings. It is time to dive in and deal with those emotions. Alternatively, a pool indicates your desire to be cleansed. You need to wash away the past.

Restaurant

To dream that you are in a restaurant suggests that you are feeling overwhelmed by decisions and choices that you need to make in your life. Alternatively, it indicates that you are seeking for emotional nourishment outside of your social support system.

Sunrise

To see the sunrise in your dream represents new beginnings, renewal of life and energy, and fulfillment of your goals and purpose. You are about to embark on a new adventure in your personal life.

Touching

To dream that you are touching someone or something indicates that you are trying to communicate your feelings and your need for contact. You may be trying to evaluate a situation and gather information about your environment.

To dream that you are being touched represents your closeness and/or relationship with a particular person. It may also mean that you are connected and well in tune with an aspect of yourself. Alternatively, being touched may be a metaphor that you are feeling emotional and sensitive.

I know there was much more and if it comes back to me, I will attempt to amend.

maybe I’m supposed to make one of my famous jokes

• by She Says • In Folk Rock •   Comments Off on maybe I’m supposed to make one of my famous jokes

I don’t know what is with me today, I have been so mad and easily agitated. It’s been a while since I have really been able to talk to her, pretty much since my dog died which has been a little over 2 weeks now.

Maybe I am just feeling crushed.

I have had unrealistic expectations for a long time and it’s really breaking me down today.

This is my heart bleeding before you

• by She Says • In Rock •   Comments Off on This is my heart bleeding before you

Today, as I picked my patterns apart, I questioned why the holidays are so painful for me. Words echoed in my heart and it started to make sense. My childhood was what most would consider less than ideal. When my aunt was talking me though whatever situation I was dealing with – she would tell me that one day I would have my own family to celebrate Christmas with, I don’t know exactly what she would say but it would give me hope for the future.

Now that I am here, I am terrified that time will pass me by and all I want is my own family.