Bring you comics in bed

August 18, 2019August 18, 2019 • by admin • In Country pop, Dreams, Grammy Nominee, Music, Pop • 0

There is this dream that I had – it must have been weeks ago. I know that I wrote about it but I won’t link back to it at the moment. The way the dream starts seems to vary because I remember multiple beginnings but in the end I am always at her house.

There’s a part that is becoming more prominent that wasn’t in the first dreams. While we are sitting on the couch right as I get there – the couch is back against the wall that would lead to the kitchen. I have never been there but I have been in the house before so that leads to a whole new level of confusion for my little brain.

As I am sitting on the couch, I look up and concentrate on the beams above me and then look over at the wood burning stove, almost as a way to remind me that this is something very familiar and not to be nervous or afraid as I feel myself – questioning my decision. She seems to be out of the room in those seconds – as I don’t seem to feel the same way when she is near, only in those silent moments in between.

There was a point in time that she would come and go in my life every so often and every time I had managed to grab her attention – in those moments before seeing her, I would be more than nervous. One of my friends, Crys, was over quite often at the time and she would always have a great way of asking me what I was worried about and reminding me – that that something. It reminds me of those moments.

The main point of all of these words is that in my dream, we hang out in the living room for a while. In my dream last night, she turned to me and kissed me somewhat out of nowhere. I feel like I would have noticed if that had happened before. This time she looked at me and smiled. She said, “I know that you think this is a bad idea, but will you come lay down with me.” Her facial expression said a lot more than her words did. I couldn’t help but smile because it was one of the sweetest things I had seen.

I followed her into the dark where there was a TV lighting up the room. He was there, slightly propped up in the back corner of the room on the bed. Watching the TV which was near or in the closet. She laid down, with a good human’s width between them and then I laid down on the edge on her shoulder and she was on her back. From that point it is always the same. She touches me softly and I can’t stop attempting to control my heart rate because I know that she can feel it against her. It may just be getting more detailed each time. The first dream was so fast I nearly had to put a few pieces together.

Maybe – I should just stop thinking about how much I want to fall asleep in her arms every night and maybe then I won’t have such weird dreams.

If it makes you happy

Beautiful Dream

She’s got a smile that heals me

August 7, 2019August 7, 2019 • by admin • In Music, Pop, Rock, Soft Rock • 0

Thank you, BOB FM, for introducing me to such music right before bed.

It takes a special type of recluse to be introduced to a song that was recorded over 10 years before you were born. I suppose, that wouldn’t be common knowledge.

Today, I tried my best to tell her something really deep in my heart, as much as you can over a text type communication. There were moments after we said goodnight that I wanted to tell her, “I care about you deeply” because I just feel like there are so many emotions loaded into those words, but maybe it’s just me. It my memory is as accurate as I think it is, the first time that I told her that was right before she left to San Francisco. It meant – I loved her but feared the shear idea of such a thing. Tonight, I felt the need to say all that, but instead, I said goodnight.

Then there are the songs that I have been listening to for as long as I can remember. I have always heard the words but never understood what they could possibly mean – tonight, I realize – every pop song can’t be speaking to me – but I have decided to turn off BOB because apparently, my mind is else where.

I hate when I have to ask what the difference between creepy and romantic is and so far everyone can only tell me, it depends on if they like it. How terrifying is that when you have no idea. Luckily for me, I don’t think I was creepy but I was always afraid that pure human emotion was a thing of the past. This song has always seem somewhere in between to me.

For I cannot find the words to say I need you so

August 1, 2019August 4, 2019 • by admin • In Grammy Nominee, Music, Pop, Rock • 0

There are no words needed with this post.

And show you all the beauty you possess

July 8, 2019July 8, 2019 • by admin • In Music, Pop, Punk • 0

I really hate to say it, but I start to notice when I have forgotten to take my medicine just a few days it. Today makes 3. I cleaned the bathroom and apparently, if its out of site, I forget about it. If only life were so simple, but once again – I really won’t ever wish for that again.

Emotions and feelings seem to be a big struggle. It seems easier to just take medicine and avoid them at all cost, but what about when you start to miss them? Then there is always the moment when you are reminded that those are what seem to get you in trouble.

For some reason, I am back to where I was about 20 years ago – feeling like my family is completely embarrassed of me and that I would be better off if I just didn’t like / care about anyone at all – but I remember that and it was a sad pointless time in my life.

Today, when I saw this video again, I wondered if I was the boy or if I was the dog. It felt all too familiar – and something that I don’t even want to talk about and don’t share with anyone. There is actually not a person in the world that I tell them how I feel about them. Though I do my best to be as open as possible with one – then I always start to panic – because what if.

I have never heard this song before, but I guess I found it tonight. I really would never listen to it but I guess I need some songs that I have never posted before.

Now how about some more gay ass music since I am secure in my sexuality – when I don’t think about it too long, that is.

Laugh if you but this is the best one yet.

I like it when she sings other people’s music – but hers is awful. But damn, I do love Sarah McLaughlin. I never really understood exactly what this song was all about – but I have always been quite partial.

You know that I’m no good

March 21, 2019June 22, 2019 • by admin • In Blue-Eyed Soul, Music, Pop, Pop Rock, Soul music • Comments Off

Yesterday, I read this information online about Hyperthymesia and then I went to take a shower. In the shower, I didn’t even realize that I was thinking about it, but it occurred to me that when she said the thing about painting herself into a corner, it may have been about this one thing I read that left me perplexed and second guessing myself worse than ever – but somehow I found some way to get over it emotionally because I don’t think about it much at all. In the information about people that exhibit signs of hyperthymesia are often people that spend a lot of time replaying events in their head. The reason that I can repeat things like they happened yesterday is because, for me, they did happen yesterday and the day before that and the day before that – all so quickly in my mind I don’t even realize that I am thinking about it but I can practically tell you what that post said and I know that it was in December 2013 – probably on the 17th but that could be a guess. I always feel weird on that day so if its not that day, i seem to think it is. It had been months since we had talked. I’d say in October before she went to San Francisco, but I am getting old, I could be wrong. I know it had been months and I can remember the way my heart lit up when I saw her pictures. I replied instantly and do not have the courage to cross-reference my records in Gmail to see what I even said, but it was bad. I am sure it was along the lines of – To the extent that I understand love, I believe that I am completely in love with you – I am sure there is some logical excuse why you diapered and if there is not tell me anything because I will believe whatever you say. Clearly, I am way smoother than that but I am quite sure she saw right through me before I saw anything coming.

Then I read the post. The title is carved in the side of my forgotten memories. At this time I can only remember playmate, but I would have to shamefully say it is only because I was so jealous after I realized or tried to realize what was going on.

We never talked about it. I never wanted to make her feel uncomfortable and I just decided to leave it alone but somehow my subconsciousness wondered over that way as I thought I was relaxed and not thinking in the shower.

I write too many words so I just think I am going to stop now, but this is the song that was that last thing that played as I drove up to work this morning. I have been listening to some 99.9 and it must be some what local but has good music.

Look for the girl with the broken smile

March 11, 2019June 22, 2019 • by admin • In Music, Pop • 0

I don’t typically listen to pop music – if i can help it but this was the last song I heard in the car on the way home from work.

I was irritated with myself for drifting off – will I ever be able to control it? This isn’t a problem I typically have.

I disappoint myself. I know better.

‘Cause you know I’d walk a thousand miles

March 3, 2019June 22, 2019 • by admin • In Music, Pop • 0

Today, I sent her a message contemplating my bizarre timing since I saw her. I don’t know how she really feels about it because we mostly communicate telepathically and I haven’t mastered the skill yet. I also think that I am funny and probably haven’t mastered that either.

I went to see my grandma today. Somehow, there was enough time to think about the things that I appreciate about her partner.. my life if very complicated.

As I got home, my phone rang and I accidentally answered it. It was my mother. She said that she had been afraid to contact me because she knew how stressed I had been and she did not want to add to it. I ended up getting stressed and asking her to call me back when she knew what she was asking me to do.

I needed a song for this random post so I went on YouTube and clicked on the first thing that appealed to me. I can’t say I specifically enjoy the song but I love the decor in her apartment and I suppose it’s appropriate.