Music

There is still a chance that they will see

• by She Says • In Music, Rock •   Comments Off on There is still a chance that they will see

I am still finding it hard to put my thoughts into words, those I remind myself that my fear in writing anything out is only leading to lost records in the future.

This started around the time of the Russian invasion. It may have started because of me. As it approached the date which would have made 3 years since I had seen her last, I flirtatiously asked her if I could see her. She responded in a way in which I did not expect. She replied asking where we would go if we could see each other. I came up with the best answer I could think of on the spot and she asked me to meet her at that glass blowing studio on Sunday at 2. My adrenaline rushed and I had no idea that I would get a response like that. I mildly panicked, rushed to get a hair cut before the day and the something more along the lines of what I would expect – she had to cancel – but there was something specifically heart wrenching about the message that I received. The message came 3 to 4 hours after she would normally get online and she simply told me that she just recalled something she had to do that day. I didn’t get much else of an explanation but I had my theories.

On Monday morning, I woke up to a more chilling message – this one even later than the last – around 5 AM. She told me that she had broken up with him and that he got really mean and it scared her. I immediately regretted asking to see her as I blamed myself. There was a part of my heart that was glowing, wondering if that was what she recalled that she had to do – if seemed quite romantic, until I felt like she could be in harms way. I attempted to remain calm and rational, which I then reminded her that I had no idea where she lived since she moved about 6 months prior. She promptly told me her address and the seriousness sunk in.

She went silent a bit after that and a panic that I had never known came over me. I was minutes from going over there – I was actually circling her street trying to figure out what to to while talking to her friend. Her friend calmed me down, reminding me that she is a very smart woman and that she knows what she is doing – but I am slightly concerned that this friend is young and naive – there are things that I can’t take my chances on. With that said, this happened three and a half months ago.

Yesterday made 9 years since I had met her – a day that I hold quite dear in my heart. I wasn’t able to see her or even talk to her. The conversations that we have had over the last few years really helped me get through the day – but I am having a really hard time focusing on anything but wanting to know how she is and how I can get her unstuck.

I go for younger women, lived with several a while

• by She Says • In Calypso, Folk, Folk Rock, Music •   0

This has always been a favorite to me – when my dad was struggling to raise us, we listened to Jimmy Buffett exclusively, I thought it was just what music was.

When I turn 40, I hope that we are close enough that it is not odd that I hope to spend it with her and her sisters – I just want to know them. Her oldest sister will be 44 by then.

I feel like I am running out of time – I need to get through to her but I am panicking and it makes it really hard for me to speak clearly.

I met her 9 years ago today – I think I have been holding my breath ever since.

With new horizons to pursue 

• by She Says • In Movies, Music •   Comments Off on With new horizons to pursue 

My words have been stunted by shock and fear. It’s been three months and I am just starting to try to recover. As I watch the news, they report to me how long its been since the war started – it happens to coincide with my internal war and is the most disheartening.

Day 90:

Tragedy struck in Texas today, the death toll continues to climb – most elementary school children near a town a visited every summer as a child. The Frio River won’t be the same for many families this year. It makes me incredibly nervous that people are capable of such evil. It terrifies me that the world is so unpredictable.

Gravity is nothing to me

• by She Says • In Folk, Folk Rock •   Comments Off on Gravity is nothing to me

Today has been really difficult for me. Its been a month since we were supposed to meet at the glass blowing shop and the following night, she messaged me at 5 am stating that she broke up with C and the rest of her message frightened me to the core.

I have been searching for a way to talk to her without censorship and I have been failing greatly.

I’ve been walking these streets at night

• by She Says • In Rock •   Comments Off on I’ve been walking these streets at night

When I heard this version of ‘Nothing Compares 2 U” on sxm the other day, I was more than surprised.

I sit here on the stairs
I’d rather be alone
If I can’t have you right now, I’ll wait, dear

Sometimes it gets so tense
I can’t speed up the time
But you know, love, there’s one more thing to consider

I saw Soundgarden with Nine Inch Nails months before Chris Cornell passed. Based on the circumstance I am willing to bet I wrote about that show on here in September of 2014.