Music
I hope you had the time of you life
Does anyone want to know that I hung out with a guy from work tonight until about midnight.. and bought him dinner….
and I left her alone all night..
and a little of
The world will never ever be the same
The distance…. is so little, but sooo much.. and why?
Did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?
I rearranged my house so much today. I couldn’t help but think about how she said from one hoarder to another.. I hope that she isn’t really bothered by my stuff.. if she only knew how much I would do for her…
Currently, I am trying my damnedest to leave her alone. I miss her so much.. but I keep reminding myself of my dream, and hoping that some how all of that is true.
Tonight, I wanted, more than anything – to just tell her how much I wanted her to hold me.
When I thought about the dream more, I remember that she also said something like she would take perfect care of me one day.. which is weird, I don’t expect anyone to tell me that they will take care of me.
I started to have a sad look on my face when she told me that now was not the time. As I felt my face drop, she gave me this look.. a playful but serious look. It’s as if I completely understand her without words. She seemed to say, “This is not the time for that either..” I tried to act composed. She saw right through me but appreciated the efforts..
Like that – she was gone. I should be used to that by now. Would you believe that I actually thought that I was over being consumed with emotions?
Not Really Sure How I Feel About It
Some days seem harder than others. I can never tell if its because of the silence.. what I put in my lungs that day.. the alignment of the stars… our ever lasting energy.. have I mentioned brain chemicals?
This post is a little different than most. I’m not sure if I have posted this song yet, but I have been listening to it and even singing it out loud for more than a year now. The other night my friend said it was about them being on meth or something… I just thought it meant she wanted him to stay the night… I hear what I want to in songs. It’s been an ongoing theme in our relationship, where for the first time, I have hyper feminine feelings and she is the ultimate dude that doesn’t care.. What can I say, I cherish the two nights that I spent with her and with the next morning lasted a little long…
On to the music – the original version:
And now, the same song, remade by some people that I find quite impressive. This is the version that I used to listen to on spotify when I used to do that. I used to have play lists each month…. going back to those, they are kind of sad at times.
I hear something in ever line of this song…
How the hell’s this ache ever gonna die
Today is the first time I have heard this song.
You’ve been looking for something that’s not in your life
My heart melted when the first thing that she said to me from California was that we should move there… okay, it was the second, she told me when she landed safely. I am fortunate to have her in my life. Parts of this video look like something I would do – the cinder blocks with tiny things displayed on them. I love singing this song out loud. Lately, I have started singing the “the mist that covers your eyes” part in front of my friends when it comes on. The sincere smile that I get.. lets me know that everyone knows that my intentions are true. I have never been an unethical or immoral person, so I stuggle with a few things from time to time.
Like – why am I concerned with if he knows who I am or not. I mean, I am sure that he does unless drugs have gotten to him, if I had a beautiful woman in my life, maybe I could forget everything from over half my life ago… What am I saying..I do. She’s grand. Why do I think so much when I am alone?
We had advisory together.. I suppose that is like home room. I feel like he got less annoying the more we grew up. That’s more than I can say for his dumb ass friends that I will never say a positive thing about.
It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to
Why do I even care if T told me happy birthday before she did… She surprised me last year and I’m still holding my breathe.. and fighting my urge for pizza… and failing. I wonder if I piss her off… or could she find it romantic too? I’ve never feel like this before.
I want to learn how to make videos like this:
I wouldn’t dare tell anyone else that I downloaded Premiere… and stared at it for a minute. It was almost as overwhelming. How did this happen?
It amazes me – how the mind works. How do is it that over 10 years after I graduated, I start thinking about how he was moved into my algebra I class half way through the year in 7th grade with a bunch of other guys. Our class was all female before that. That was the first time he interrupted my energy.. They sat in the back at this long table. Why do I think about these things?
Internal battles are something else. I try to stay away from lifehouse, since, you know, I don’t want to get beat up – but it’s pretty much how I feel today. The only thing that I want to do is spend time with her.