I was in my bathroom when I remembered a quick dream last night, I suppose the dream was most likely much longer but what I remember lasted all of a minute if that.
In my dream, we were standing in my bathroom, which was exceptionally clean (it’s amazing what I can achieve when I care – my biggest challenge). I was standing there in my blue shorts which are some PGA style – I consider them nice. I was wearing a white tank top and there were a few of us standing around. My brother and M were in the group. I picked up this white long sleeve button up that has tiny blue dots on it and asked her if she would be mad if I wore this? She audibly laughed at my question and my brother just said “No.”
When we go to the local gay bar, the young gay boys love to wear shorts with dress shirts and it drives me fucking nuts. I have no idea why I would dream about that but I had worn the pants after my shower the night before my dream and the shirt was hanging in my bathroom on the towel rack because I went to wear it with jeans one day and I didn’t have a white shirt to wear under it – so I changed. I decided my grey tank top showing through was less than professional.
Where were we going? What were we doing? Who cares? I really appreciated the response of laughter to a ridiculous question.
There is no need to go into that last mistake I fell into and how I was reminded as to why I am so scared of women. In the first few months of my last relationship, that I never really wanted to be in, my mom had a crisis. During the crisis I put her at said girlfriend’s house when I ran out of money to keep her in a hotel. This was early July 2016, it started on June 30, that half way point of the year that is painful for many.
One day my mom said. if you ever want to be happy, don’t stay with this bitch. The only point to these comments in a completely unrelated post, is that its not. Within 2 months of my relationship that drug on for years due to manipulation with young children that I could not bare to abandon – my mom, the worst person for a relationship, could tell me that I needed to run. I knew she was right but thought it was a mean thing to say. I thought I could change people, for the better. Teach them that they shouldn’t act like that – but it wasn’t that easy and when I thought I had achieved anything – it was all fake, so just like in 2005, I just held out until they cheated on me. It’s not the best tactic, but I escaped, and that is my story about a bad relationship, but I can’t help but pity here and somehow we remain friends because I will support anyone that will be part of my life – I just have to set boundaries and keep my distance. Her kids and I are close. The nine year old had told me he hates me for more times than I can count.. that’s how you know a kid really cares. They love everything: rocks, toys, everyone they meet, dogs, cats, any animal – but they only scream they hate you when you put them to bed and tell them you love them when they really care.
Back to my real post – every time I play a video on YouTube, this video is one of the 12 squares that remain at the end. I always click it – and I always love it.
And for whatever reason, I felt the need to post another classic.