Today, I woke up in quite an emotionally ornery mood. It’s so difficult to miss M so much and continue to give her the space and time that she needs. How do people do this? Why does she do this?
untouchable face
And who am I that I should be vying for your touch
Today, I took it pretty personally when she walked to the back as I came in to get my pizza. Maybe that’s what happens when I look forward to something too much. My friend that was with me stands with the idea that she never even saw us and I can only hope that was true.
When my friends and I saw this online while looking at tattoos yesterday, they said that I need to get a chicken, bacon, mushroom one. What she doesn’t know is that I have never had that pizza from anywhere but there. I just made it up to be different and awesome and well, it got me noticed, or something, not like she didn’t already know me, but she knows my pizza. I have never been like this over a person. It could be fun if anything were different but this is just extremely depressing.
It’s not hard to see that I’m in so over my head but I don’t walk away easily.
At this moment in time, I am so disappointed in myself for not being able to stop these feelings.
think i’m going for a walk now i feel a little unsteady
Today I had to go on another walk. I didn’t stop at the park like I normally do, because there were some kids playing there. I have listened to all of my Ani Difranco songs up until about the Ls at this point. This song hasn’t come up yet, but at 3 am this seems to make me feel better about something. I wish she wouldn’t blow me off the way that she does.
But I do look forward to seeing her again.