I’ve been having a really hard time lately. Its just been constant anxiety but I get through.  Today, I found out that my mom is in jail again for ‘simple assault’ for the 3rd fucking time.  I know that is not good but I can only hope that she gets the help that she needs.

On a completely unrelated note, my brother was singing to this song today and I fell in love with it.  Now I am back to what I would consider imaginary issues that are nearly non existent at this point.

Now he is playing a song that I have seen send people into a PTSD breakdown.

Since I fear death for everyone around me so badly lately, just hearing him sing it brings tears to my eyes and a deep pain in my heart.  My mother has suffered from alcoholism my entire life and all of my siblings have suffered from it in one way or another.  I may not have a problem with drinking too much but I do have deep seeded issues with alcoholics.

His play list is getting to sad for me and leaving me crying… The only songs that I know that hurt more are in my brother’s memorial video. I can never hear those songs without difficulty.