For whatever reason, I hear this song nearly daily and think about her every time. I think back to the conversation when she told me that she may regret some decisions that she had made. I always read too far into anything that she said. I wanted to think that she regretted choosing C over me when faced when the situation so long ago – though I am sure that she didn’t think that I was a possibility.. seeing that she lived with him and I had no idea.. It’s weird to think about a lot of things like that.
My brother met her once, she came over and we hung out in my room. He had already had preconceived notions about her and it all changed when he met her. He would say things like, “She is just not into you… you’re just going to have to find a way to get over her.” and from time to time, before he knew her at all, just thought she was a stuck up bitch taking advantage of the fact that I was completely head over heels for her.. typical reaction from a brother, but when he met her… he said he really liked her ans she could see why I was always.. caught up in her. I guess he just saw our connection, which is not normal for a brother that could careless about what I do in that manner.
I always wondered what it would have been like to be able to meet her father. What would it have been like in an alternate universe?
And to express my ever changing mood, I will throw in one more random song that I feel like listening to:
This song was popular as my heart originally broke. I wouldn’t changing meeting her if I had the chance. I might change the way that I reacted.
Today my song didn’t come to when I was driving back to work but when I was coming home from the hospital after visiting my friend, Ronnie… She had to have some random surgery, pretty scary stuff, but when I left.. I was still reminded her by that damn radio.
Last night, around midnight, I got a call from Ronnie. She had already told me that she had to leave work early because she was sick and that she had to get surgery today. When she called me back later, she asked me if I would come stay up there with her.
It was the first time that I had ever slept at a hospital before. As I was driving up there, I was convinced that there was no way that they would let me even go back there to see her. I’ve seen ‘If These Walls Could Talk 2″ and I have felt.. very much in a patriarchy world lately, but much to my surprise, no one batted an eye and everyone was really nice. The chair made into a bed and they gave me a blanket a pillow. She is just a friend that has become important to me.
When you sleep at a hospital, you don’t. When I am woken up every hour for whatever they are doing, it takes me that long to get back to sleep. Around 5 am I decided to get up and go home. She was getting blood work done and I don’t need to see.. blood. My sister dropped off my niece and I slept until I had to put her on the bus at 6:45. My bed has never felt so inviting. It couldn’t have hurt that I had to wash all of my sheets and blankets on account of my dog becoming tragically ill during this lovely week. So after the kid was on the bus, of course I had to sleep just a little longer.
The dream seemed so real so I couldn’t even imagine how it started. When I have a dream that all of my teeth are falling out, it always happens the same way. It’s always a jagged, bloody mess. I can’t say that there is ever any physical pain but always a feeling of panic and embarrassment. This morning in my dream I was wearing some kid of retainer and my teeth were all just so loose. Something happened differently this time. From past dreams, I never remember trying to do something about it, just putting my broken teeth in my pocket or something. Today in my dream, I had called my grandmother to ask her if I could borrow money to go to the dentist. It seems so strange like, what the heck is the dentist going to do but.. it’s what happened. I don’t remember how she responded at all but I remember specifically telling her that I only had $200. From what I know about dentistry, I wasn’t going to get much for that $200.
My alarm had been set, but somehow I had turned it off, maybe just to lay down for one more minute. Something suddenly woke me and work had started 15 minutes ago. More concerned that I had all of my teeth, I went and brushed my teeth and rushed off to work. My hair may have looked like… well awesome. and I was in the clothes that I slept in at the hospital, but I went to work.. and I had all my teeth.
That moment that I realize the song I referenced has nothing to do with my post at all, but was part of my day and I am pretty sure that is completely related. We all know that I have no clue what I am talking about at this point anyway.
Updated: March 2018 – Link to video, image and tags
