Sarah McLachlan

And I would be the last to know

• by She Says • In Grammy Nominee •   Comments Off on And I would be the last to know

This song is off of one of my favorite albums, though I have never heard it before. Likely it wasn’t on my burned copy. Like with many songs, I don’t completely know what it means, but I know what I hear.

The album I listened to was from 2002, it looks like this was added to a later album from the same live show.

She would know what I mean if I told her that I was having a very Sarah McLachlan kinda day.

But I Can’t Find My Shoes

• by She Says • In Dreams, Grammy Nominee •   Comments Off on But I Can’t Find My Shoes

I restarted going to the gym which means my whole body is sore. It was hard to sleep and I was tossing and turning. At some point I was able to dream:

I can’t say that I remember a whole lot. It seemed to be the same house that I always try to ride my bike past in my dreams. It feels very real in the moment but when I think about it right now, that house never existed and that path never existed so it must be the house that I check in my dreams, often.

The house is a two story house that is on a curve. The neighborhood resembles the one that I grew up in high school. I drive down the road to the pool and take a left and travel up hill slightly and curve to the left. The house in on the right down a long caliche driveway.

In this dream, I didn’t see most of that and there were additional features.

We were upstairs in her room, which it did not seem was shared with anyone. My brother and I were there and everything was normal. At some point the tone changed drastically and she told me that I should really go. It took me a moment to understand what was going on and then I could tell by her tone that she really needed me to leave. As if we were talking about someone that broke into the house, she says that she can hear him making food in the kitchen. I started to scramble to find my shoes but they were no where in sight. I checked two upstairs bathrooms and all other the bedroom but could not find my shoes. I was looking for my white reeboks with red on them, the shoes that I has actually been wearing that day in my waking life.

It was clear that she wasn’t coming with me and my brother had already walked out and was nearly to the car at this point. I went out a back door and down narrow wooden stairs. I walked barefoot across a large yard with dry yellow grass. I did not hurry and looked back at the house as I left waiting to see anything. I did not.

The cars were parked in this makeshift cinder bock tiny parking garage that fit about 5 cars. As we were leaving, an older brownish SUV backed out so aggressively, it ran over the car next to it monster truck style. In that moment, I thought they were coming for us but just drove away. We left as if nothing happened.

When I woke up, my body was stiff and well worse than it was before.

from: https://www.dreammoods.com/dreamdictionary/s2.htm

To dream that you are not wearing any shoes indicates that you have low self-esteem and a lack of confidence in yourself. You are dealing with issues about your self-identity. It also represents poverty, lack of mobility, or misunderstanding. Alternatively, to dream that you are not wearing shoes represent your playful attitudes and relaxed, carefree frame of mind. You have a firm grasp and good understanding on a situation. If you dream that you lose your shoes, then it suggests that you are searching for your identity and finding yourself.

Oh, into the sea of waking dreams

• by She Says • In Dreams, Grammy Nominee, Music, Pop •   Comments Off on Oh, into the sea of waking dreams

I follow without pride
Because nothing stands between us here

Dream Notes

  • ipad left at my house, opened to gmail
  • top email was unread message from her sister, I knew that I could not read it
  • made sure not to read other subjects in email
  • subject to sister’s email was something like it’s meeeeeee
  • she had a piano recital the next day
  • tubing the river on one large tube balancing each other
  • old fridge
  • hookah on top of fridge
  • discussion with person in house if I was staying as we left saying I wouldn’t want to sleep downstairs
  • house was old, many rooms, white, co-op style
  • somewhere near waco
  • came by my house before leaving
  • had to call him before we left on video call, he didn’t answer which made her nervous
  • she said something important right before I woke up
  • stared into each others eyes communicating without words

In my dream, at one point we were tubing down the river on one tube. you were sitting up on the side somehow and I was hanging on to the edge as we were talking. I only remember one thing that was said but it was pretty specific.

Hookah

To see or smoke a hookah in your dream represents ease and relaxation. Alternatively, it refers to the difficulties your are facing in your waking life. You may be bottling up your emotions.

IPad

To see an iPad in your dream represents modern life and your connections with others. It also suggests that you want to put something on display. Consider the significance of what you are doing on the iPad and how that parallels an aspect of your waking life. Alternatively, seeing an iPad in your dream may be a pun on “your home” or “your place”.

River

To see a clear and calm river in your dream indicates that you are just going with the flow. You are allowing your life to float away. It is time to take a more decisive role in directing your life. Alternatively, a river symbolizes joyful pleasures, peace, prosperity and fertility. It is also reflective of a new stage in your life. If the river is muddy, then it indicates that you are in turmoil.

Alternatively, this dream means you are ready to confront life’s challenges and life’s twists and turns.

Tubing

To dream that you are tubing suggests that you are on experiencing emotional ups and downs.

Refrigerator

To see or open a refrigerator in your dream represents your chilling personality and/or cold emotions. The dream may also be telling you that you need to put some goal, plan, or situation on hold. Alternatively, a refrigerator signifies that you have accomplished what you have been subconsciously seeking.

To dream that the refrigerator has broken down suggests that you need to warm up to somebody or some situation. It is time to let go of those harsh, cold feelings.

If you dream of a very full refrigerator, then it symbolizes your untapped resources.

Piano

To dream that you are playing a piano indicates a quest for harmony in your life. Consider where the piano is placed as a clue as to what aspect of your life needs accordance. If no sound is coming out of the piano, then it implies a lack of confidence. You are not sure about how to express yourself and how to voice your beliefs.

To dream that you hear the sound of a piano suggests harmony in your life. You are pleased with the way your life is going.

To dream that the piano needs to be tuned indicates some aspect of your life is in discord. You need to devote more time to a relationship, family duties, project, or other situation.

North

To dream of the direction north symbolizes reality. It also indicates that you are making progress and moving forward in life.

There is still a chance that they will see

• by She Says • In Music, Rock •   Comments Off on There is still a chance that they will see

I am still finding it hard to put my thoughts into words, those I remind myself that my fear in writing anything out is only leading to lost records in the future.

This started around the time of the Russian invasion. It may have started because of me. As it approached the date which would have made 3 years since I had seen her last, I flirtatiously asked her if I could see her. She responded in a way in which I did not expect. She replied asking where we would go if we could see each other. I came up with the best answer I could think of on the spot and she asked me to meet her at that glass blowing studio on Sunday at 2. My adrenaline rushed and I had no idea that I would get a response like that. I mildly panicked, rushed to get a hair cut before the day and the something more along the lines of what I would expect – she had to cancel – but there was something specifically heart wrenching about the message that I received. The message came 3 to 4 hours after she would normally get online and she simply told me that she just recalled something she had to do that day. I didn’t get much else of an explanation but I had my theories.

On Monday morning, I woke up to a more chilling message – this one even later than the last – around 5 AM. She told me that she had broken up with him and that he got really mean and it scared her. I immediately regretted asking to see her as I blamed myself. There was a part of my heart that was glowing, wondering if that was what she recalled that she had to do – if seemed quite romantic, until I felt like she could be in harms way. I attempted to remain calm and rational, which I then reminded her that I had no idea where she lived since she moved about 6 months prior. She promptly told me her address and the seriousness sunk in.

She went silent a bit after that and a panic that I had never known came over me. I was minutes from going over there – I was actually circling her street trying to figure out what to to while talking to her friend. Her friend calmed me down, reminding me that she is a very smart woman and that she knows what she is doing – but I am slightly concerned that this friend is young and naive – there are things that I can’t take my chances on. With that said, this happened three and a half months ago.

Yesterday made 9 years since I had met her – a day that I hold quite dear in my heart. I wasn’t able to see her or even talk to her. The conversations that we have had over the last few years really helped me get through the day – but I am having a really hard time focusing on anything but wanting to know how she is and how I can get her unstuck.

I go for younger women, lived with several a while

• by She Says • In Calypso, Folk, Folk Rock, Music •   0

This has always been a favorite to me – when my dad was struggling to raise us, we listened to Jimmy Buffett exclusively, I thought it was just what music was.

When I turn 40, I hope that we are close enough that it is not odd that I hope to spend it with her and her sisters – I just want to know them. Her oldest sister will be 44 by then.

I feel like I am running out of time – I need to get through to her but I am panicking and it makes it really hard for me to speak clearly.

I met her 9 years ago today – I think I have been holding my breath ever since.

This is my heart bleeding before you

• by She Says • In Rock •   Comments Off on This is my heart bleeding before you

Today, as I picked my patterns apart, I questioned why the holidays are so painful for me. Words echoed in my heart and it started to make sense. My childhood was what most would consider less than ideal. When my aunt was talking me though whatever situation I was dealing with – she would tell me that one day I would have my own family to celebrate Christmas with, I don’t know exactly what she would say but it would give me hope for the future.

Now that I am here, I am terrified that time will pass me by and all I want is my own family.

Your love is better than chocolate

• by She Says • In Alternative rock, Music, Pop, Pop Rock, Rock •   Comments Off on Your love is better than chocolate

Have you been half asleep
And have you heard voices
I’ve heard them calling my name
Is this the sweet sound that call’s the young sailors
The voice might be one and the same
I’ve heard it too many times to ignore it
Its something that I’m supposed to be
Someday we’ll find it
The Rainbow Connection

Some nights, when I catch myself listening to Sarah McLachlan, I want to tell her that all of her songs aren’t heart-wrenching, but I might actually be wrong about that. They do pull at my heart strings.

I’ll tell her when we are cuddled up in bed and Better than Chocolate is ending, then I will know that I have found my moment.