Pieces of You

And I’ll be your cryin’ shoulder

• by She Says • In Alternative rock, Folk, Grammy Nominee, Music, Pop •   Comments Off on And I’ll be your cryin’ shoulder

As I take one day at a time, over and over again, I create mixed tapes in my head to her. I have been singing many of these songs to her long before I even knew who she was.

There was a point in time that I thought every song on this list was ridiculous, I couldn’t understand a few lines here or there. The lines that sound like exaggeration feel all too real now.

Here are the 90s pop songs playing on my radio. A few may drift from that decade and genre but they fit there to me.

This is just a darling way to bounce back from all of those emotions:

This might be the sound track to my life. I remember the moment and action that go with a few of these lines. When I just wanted her to know who I was – I started writing and never stopped.

Let me tell you about middle school dances… life was never pleasant for me but I don’t talk about that.

That’s god with a lowercase g, the concept.

We are going to continue down R&B lane for a moment so forgive me for that. I have been singing the next two songs a lot but I go got the John Michael Montgomery version as it is much easier for me to achieve. Well, I only sing it when I am alone, no one would want to hear all that.

All-4-One was one of my first CDs after Tragic Kingdom and Pieces of You, which I had received as Christmas gifts that year. My older cousin traded me a very scratched up All-4-One CD for who knows what, surely I got ripped off but that is where I first heard these two songs. That same year, a country artist covered them so I would hear the same songs in a country version on the radio with my grandparents – it was a confusing time and I didn’t understand why. (The reason was $$)

I realize that this 90s mix is quite cheesy but who could expect anything else. This is about the sentiment which is lightly scattered all over the place. Without further ado:

Oh how I loved this song as a teenager with no one to directed it to.

There are a few pop songs that I thought were so ridiculous that I couldn’t even listen to them. They fell into the Aqua – Barbie Girl category in my mind. When they grace my 90s station these days, I will admit, I listen to them and my thoughts drift – once again, the odd lyrics suddenly make a little sense. Brace yourself for bubblegum pop.

One more and I will climb out of this rabbit hole.

So I guess if I could say anything to her – it would be all of that. Another song that I have caught myself listening to when it comes on is one that I felt was the most over played song of my life:

I’ll wrap this up and get back to reality. For the next and final song in this series, it will be hard to believe that I had not heard it before a few years ago after she used ‘Round here’ in a very impactful text message. It seems as though it has been around for over 30 years so I may have just over looked it but when it comes on these days – I stop – I listen and I try my hardest to come up with a plan that will work.

You’re here, there’s nothing I fear

• by She Says • In Dreams, Grammy Nominee, Pop •   Comments Off on You’re here, there’s nothing I fear

Spent 2.5 decades cringing when such songs played only to deeply listen and sing along as if the energy that is expelled will aid her on her tortuous journey.

I am quite convinced that my dream from last month is coming true and I don’t even care if that is slightly crazy one bit.

In other timely information, I started this site 9 years ago.

I left work crying that day.

She had told me that we couldn’t talk anymore for the first time. My world seemed to crumble. When I was at work, I got a call from a sweet older lady with the same name as her. I was in sales at the time and my boss must have been observing that call actively. The next call came in and my boss started trying to chastise me for not making a sales offer to the sweet old lady. It was hard enough to repeatedly say her name. I am quite sure that my next caller was able to hear me starting to softly cry as I was doing everything I could to make it through my day and then my boss was coming down hard on me for not making a sales offer to a sweet old woman that was probably telling me some heart breaking story in which I refused to accost her with an over priced service she doesn’t need – well – after that following call, I had made it to my lunch break, I walked straight up to my boss and told her that I wouldn’t be back after lunch, that I was sick and that I would get a doctor’s note. I am quite sure that my next move was to my primary doctor to get back on anxiety medication, which is usually my go to when I can’t handle life.

At the time, I would have never believed that I would be where I am 9 years later, in many ways, all of which I consider positive. (Somewhat – that is optimistically speaking). Either way, I would have been thrilled to know that she would even remember my name. As of 9 years ago, I was blindsided and expecting the worst and not seeing what was actually going on – that would take many more years or repeating this pattern before I would realize that it was not something I was imaging and my writing here helped that a lot.

The youtube playlist continued, so I will continue with the most nostalgic of music. This was one of the first 2 CDs I owned:

And these foolish games are tearing me apart

• by admin • In Folk, Grammy Nominee, Pop, Pop Rock •   Comments Off on And these foolish games are tearing me apart

For whatever reason, I hear this song nearly daily and think about her every time. I think back to the conversation when she told me that she may regret some decisions that she had made. I always read too far into anything that she said. I wanted to think that she regretted choosing C over me when faced when the situation so long ago – though I am sure that she didn’t think that I was a possibility.. seeing that she lived with him and I had no idea.. It’s weird to think about a lot of things like that.

My brother met her once, she came over and we hung out in my room. He had already had preconceived notions about her and it all changed when he met her. He would say things like, “She is just not into you… you’re just going to have to find a way to get over her.” and from time to time, before he knew her at all, just thought she was a stuck up bitch taking advantage of the fact that I was completely head over heels for her.. typical reaction from a brother, but when he met her… he said he really liked her ans she could see why I was always.. caught up in her. I guess he just saw our connection, which is not normal for a brother that could careless about what I do in that manner.

I always wondered what it would have been like to be able to meet her father.  What would it have been like in an alternate universe?

And to express my ever changing mood, I will throw in one more random song that I feel like listening to:

This song was popular as my heart originally broke. I wouldn’t changing meeting her if I had the chance. I might change the way that I reacted.