missing her

I can’t grow a mustache and I ain’t got no season pass

• by admin • In Emo rap, Pop Rock, Punk, Rock •   Comments Off on I can’t grow a mustache and I ain’t got no season pass

There was a time in my life that I was embarrassed by how much I loved Bowling for Soup, but now I embrace my nerdiness. I think it helps that I may be the least socially awkward at work, which never happens – but I can’t keep up with these people that have dedicated their life to being nerds – at least I have tried to resist.

The I catch myself going and doing some shit like this:

Here I was working on my video editing. I couldn’t help but think about the night at Showdown that I know I bucked up when some guy was flirting with her in front of me. We have a very unusual relationship and as the years passed, I realized why we never went in public – but I could care less at this point.. I wonder if Candace noticed, I can only imagine it lead to the comment about that we should date. Anyway – back to my story, as she flooded my mind, I decided to send her a message with only a heart. I didn’t think that she would see it until tomorrow, but she saw it pretty quickly. That’s really all the attention that I needed to warm my heart – and I have no idea what she even thinks – but I am just happy that she notices me.

Last night, I was reminded that if I had a theme song, it would probably be this:

I expected summer to be there in the morning

• by admin • In Folk Rock, Indie Folk •   0

Jeremyville06The first time that I heard this, I listened in amazement and then watched a falling star.  I made a wish as I saw it falling towards her house.  I have forgotten what my exact wish was but I always try to be specific so that something weird wouldn’t happen.. I can imagine that my wish may have been something like, “I wish that she will do what makes her truly happy, no matter who she ends up with, I just want to know that she loves me.”  I look back at that night, often.  I wonder what I wished and how much of it has come true since then.  She was in San Francisco at the time to see a band.

When she landed, she sent me a text to let me know that she arrived safely.  The next text said something like, we should live her someday… Since I have been in love with her for about as long as I can remember at this point, my heart melted all over the place and I never forgot that moment in time.

Falling is like this

• by admin • In Alternative rock, Folk Rock, Indie Folk, Indie Rock, Music, Rock •   0

I woke up and started crying within 20 minutes. Today seems extra sensitive. I took a walk to clear my mind and just cried more. She is such a big part of my life and i miss her so much. Today, i am less tough.

6a0120a7e56239970b016768c21272970b-800wi

Feels like reckless driving when we’re talking
It’s fun while it lasts, and it’s faster than walking
But no one’s going to sympathize when we crash
They’ll say “you hit what you head for, you get what you ask”
and we’ll say we didn’t know, we didn’t even try
one minute there was road beneath us, the next just sky

I don’t even know where to go next.

she left today

• by admin • In Words •   0

e753a282deb03b37b62d956af268a1adIts been a long two weeks and shes on her way back to be with her family. It was a bittersweet change of events. I’m already planning my trip out to see her.

We spent time together before she left and she said all of the things that I have been waiting to hear.  It was relieving to know the truth.  There were so many times that I was afraid that I was completely alone and obnoxious…

Did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?

• by admin • In Dreams, Music, Rock, Words •   0

I rearranged my house so much today. I couldn’t help but think about how she said from one hoarder to another.. I hope that she isn’t really bothered by my stuff.. if she only knew how much I would do for her…

Currently, I am trying my damnedest to leave her alone. I miss her so much.. but I keep reminding myself of my dream, and hoping that some how all of that is true.

Tonight, I wanted, more than anything – to just tell her how much I wanted her to hold me.

When I thought about the dream more, I remember that she also said something like she would take perfect care of me one day.. which is weird, I don’t expect anyone to tell me that they will take care of me.

I started to have a sad look on my face when she told me that now was not the time. As I felt my face drop, she gave me this look.. a playful but serious look. It’s as if I completely understand her without words. She seemed to say, “This is not the time for that either..” I tried to act composed. She saw right through me but appreciated the efforts..

Like that – she was gone. I should be used to that by now. Would you believe that I actually thought that I was over being consumed with emotions?