Miley Cyrus

And these foolish games are tearing me apart

• by admin • In Folk, Grammy Nominee, Pop, Pop Rock •   Comments Off on And these foolish games are tearing me apart

For whatever reason, I hear this song nearly daily and think about her every time. I think back to the conversation when she told me that she may regret some decisions that she had made. I always read too far into anything that she said. I wanted to think that she regretted choosing C over me when faced when the situation so long ago – though I am sure that she didn’t think that I was a possibility.. seeing that she lived with him and I had no idea.. It’s weird to think about a lot of things like that.

My brother met her once, she came over and we hung out in my room. He had already had preconceived notions about her and it all changed when he met her. He would say things like, “She is just not into you… you’re just going to have to find a way to get over her.” and from time to time, before he knew her at all, just thought she was a stuck up bitch taking advantage of the fact that I was completely head over heels for her.. typical reaction from a brother, but when he met her… he said he really liked her ans she could see why I was always.. caught up in her. I guess he just saw our connection, which is not normal for a brother that could careless about what I do in that manner.

I always wondered what it would have been like to be able to meet her father.  What would it have been like in an alternate universe?

And to express my ever changing mood, I will throw in one more random song that I feel like listening to:

This song was popular as my heart originally broke. I wouldn’t changing meeting her if I had the chance. I might change the way that I reacted.

I never meant to start a war

• by admin • In Blues, Music, Pop •   0

Skipping work to sleep all day sounds extremely expensive at this point in time. It’s complicated corporate bullshit since tomorrow is.. was a paid holiday. Whatever, health is important and I never miss work. The playlist that has worked itself into my day is quite repetitive.

The first time that I heard this song, I thought about her and it hit pretty hard. Back then – things were much different. I understood a lot less but still felt.. something was happening.

I had searched my last name and Slovania trying to get that former president’s name. It was when I was adding my dad and little brother on skype. Then I was curious enough to search my last name to see what other family members had skype accounts. I was suddenly reminded that the internet is not only nation wide and suddenly my name looked pretty normal next to theirs. I forgot what that lady’s name was so I searched that and found a hilarious parody of “Wrecking Ball.”

From there it was all down hill. My friend was here. She put up with me listening to this song next. We were discussing how we felt about these young ladies getting so naked so casually in music videos. Don’t get me wrong, I am as guilty as every other American enjoying these videos.. but I hate that I do. Out of curiosity, I had to research when that was and sources say August 2013, which was a confusing time for this lady. I’m adaptable. Now I expect it..

The youtube must have sensed my mood because after I listened to that song tonight, this popped up.

It was like it was reading my mind. Damn computer – quit reminding me how predictable I am. At least I have dealt with situations better this time. I don’t think that I have ever been able to consider anyone else’s feelings before. I am always reminded of simple text messages that put me back in my place. I never wanted to hurt her, at all.

In other news, I told my friend that I was over here about my brother’s snake bite situation 11 years ago. She teared up and felt it was Oprah worthy. I’d rather believe that anyone would help a family member the same. I wasn’t really the one helping but more of my grandmother. It was a bad day.. or while I guess you would say.

Her email echos through my heart…

• by admin • In Pop •   0

which seems to be much more pleasant than the craigslist post that echoed in my head last December.  One day things are going to change, I can feel it.. 

When I went on my lunch break from work, this was the song on the radio. You know that I blasted it in the parking lot.. shamelessly.

‘All day, all night, I’ll be waitin’ standby’

• by admin • In Pop •   0

The work day did not go well.  Every song on the radio was suddenly speaking to me. I made it all the way to my second call before my caller shared her first name with my heart breaker.   I hadn’t cried yet.  It was just before lunch when my manager decided to monitor my phone calls and nit pick me at the wrong time.  The calls come in back to back so when she wants to give me feedback she just walks over and starts talking to me over my caller, as if I can hear what they are both saying.  It’s like, “Don’t let anything distract you from your caller, unless it’s me.” But anyway, she pointed out that I ‘didn’t even attempt’ to sell them tv service or cell phone service.  That’s where I would stop and argue if I thought it would get me anywhere.. Oh I attempted, I am sure that it was there in the back of my mind somewhere, but there was no appropriate moment in conversation to fit it in without sounding like a complete tool.

So after she tells me about how I can’t do my job right and reminds me to be consistent, I can’t do much to keep me from just busting into tears.  Over the last 5 months, work has become increasingly more stressful.  They disbanded the department that I was working in and decided that we were all going to sales.  I am no sales person.  I can’t even sell myself to the woman that  I love.   Three more calls come in before lunch, my voice quivered and if anyone was paying attention they would have known how hard I was fighting back the tears.

Over the last 8 years I have learned to stay pretty professional under pressure, call centers will teach you that.  It was more than I could take today, so I said I was sick and just left.  There’s a good chance that my manager was listening to my next calls too.  Who knows what she thought.

Yesterday after I came home from talking to her, I went to a friend’s house because I didn’t want to be alone.  I didn’t say a word.  One of the two women present liked to poke fun at the whole thing.  It wasn’t something I was ready to face or talk about.  It must have been apparent that something was wrong.   My friend asked if anything had happened with my grandma or if i had lost my job.  That made me feel like I wasn’t looking so good and, well, I already know that I don’t have a poker face.  They made me tell them and I simply muttered out that she didn’t want to talk to me anymore.  They seemed to understand where she was coming from and respect her for having the courage to walk away from me.  There’s no way to fully understand but I am trying so hard to.

When I was driving home and Selena Gomez’s song caught my attention, I was even more disappointed than when I liked the Wrecking Ball video.  My super cool chick would have been so disappointed in my sell out self.  Too bad she’s not around to show me good music anymore.

Updated: March 2018, image and tags