melissa etheridge

You’ve been looking for something that’s not in your life

• by admin • In Grammy Nominee, Music, Rock •   0

My heart melted when the first thing that she said to me from California was that we should move there… okay, it was the second, she told me when she landed safely.  I am fortunate to have her in my life.  Parts of this video look like something I would do – the cinder blocks with tiny things displayed on them.  I love singing this song out loud.  Lately, I have started singing the “the mist that covers your eyes” part in front of my friends when it comes on.  The sincere smile that I get.. lets me know that everyone knows that my intentions are true.  I have never been an unethical or immoral person, so I stuggle with a few things from time to time.

Like – why am I concerned with if he knows who I am or not.  I mean, I am sure that he does unless drugs have gotten to him, if I had a beautiful woman in my life, maybe I could forget everything from over half my life ago… What am I saying..I do.  She’s grand.  Why do I think so much when I am alone?

We had advisory together.. I suppose that is like home room.  I feel like he got less annoying the more we grew up.  That’s more than I can say for his dumb ass friends that I will never say a positive thing about.

 

In front of total strangers won’t you kiss me

• by admin • In Grammy Nominee, Heartland rock, Movies, Music, Rock •   0

During my ‘birthday party’ I received a text that sent me back to what’s really important.  I don’t mean to get side tracked so easily, but the minute that I see her.. that’s all that I can see.  Nothing else matters, especially people that I try my hardest to forget that they exist..

She said that she was kind of in trouble, and that left me blaming myself.  We don’t do a thing wrong,  but I’m aware that my feelings are wrong and maybe she has some of those too.  It’s all an extremely complicated journey that just makes me want to watch The Lake House all the way through, just to hear Sandra Bullock say, “You waited!”  I can barely handle romantic things like that.

At night, as I lay in bed, I think about how we are similar to a couple that you would see in a black and white romance movie.  However, as unexpected as it is, I am the woman, all done up with curly hair and a white dress completely with doughy eyes and all, and she is Hugh Grant, in a suit with a fancy hat on, kissing me sweetly just before she tells me that she has to leave.  Oh how I love / hate how that feels.  I know that she feels the same way about me as I do her.. or I wouldn’t be so quick to sacrifice my time and sanity.

and one more video to help the heart beat…

Can I survive all the implications

• by admin • In Uncategorized •   0

The challenge is to think about the opportunity cost when I start to feel like I should fight back, say something… stand up for myself.

But I consider how she must feel – and I stop myself every time.

There’s a line in the song that reminds me of something that her friend said the night that we were at the bar together. It gave me a lump in my throat and I had to walk away – that’s generally when I excuse myself to go to the restroom. I can’t handle a lot of things well…

Giving away promises I know that I can’t keep

• by admin • In Music, Rock •   0

I’m feeling a bit down tonight. The more that I think, the worse that I get… I guess that’s where having a live-in friend is a good distraction.. She’s on her way back for all parties in interest. Right now I am filling my lungs with smoke and my ears with that music. I made it about 15 minutes into their Japan tour and realized that this music is not helping. It’s just reminding me that I have a terrible concept of music or people think I listen to bad music anyway. I like lyrics and well, I haven’t heard and that I understand yet, so it’s time to go back to the standard Ani Difranco, but that won’t help either.

I am about to start and I always tell my self that’s the reason I am missing her so much, somehow it happens every time. Maybe that’s just part of being a woman.. that is in love with another woman, and the rest of the story is irrelevant.

This is where most anyone else would stop me and say, “No, Jen.. the rest of the story is very relevant.” I suppose this is where I get irrational.. I’m like, “No we are just friends.” and that self control that I think I have flies right out the window. It’s not that I don’t have full psychical self control but that emotional self control is non existent.

Every other word circling in my head right now has been said time and time again. How did I end up feeling like this, in this situation.. and I am so certain that I am in the right..

Last night, in my dreams, we had a real conversation.. it wasn’t in the direction that I was expecting, or wanting. I convince myself that it is just my fears manifesting.. Over thinking tends to lead to such things. Sometimes I just want to stare into her eyes.. I feel like we could have a whole conversation without any words. I’m pretty sure that it would end up with her smiling and kissing me.. or maybe I am just slipping off into a day dream again. Actually, I’m certain that I have drifted that direction.

The truth be told – soon enough she will text me and want to hang out. It will be like nothing ever happened.. and I will be completely okay with that. Because my life is pretty fantastic anytime that she is around. My life is so confusing.

This is exactly why I gave up feelings so long ago. Now if I could only remember what it was like to not care about any damn thing right about now. It’s weird how that works.