melissa etheridge

Oh Lord, won’t you buy me a night on the town

• by admin • In Grammy Nominee, Music, Rock •   0

She played this last night in Green Elk, IL but the quality was not as good. If I was hooked to a computer through some microchip inserted into my brain, then someone would be able to track how many times my heart-rate spiked today. On my lunch break, I decided to tell her that I had another blue tank dress dream again. You know – I didn’t even know what a tank dress was before that day and I remember enough to know that she told me it was knew. I must remember her telling me to get in the car, I feel like I walked out to the main road and I know she said something about the car being dirty but that was the last thing I noticed. I also remember her walking up to my house, so she must have just parked out there. This was years ago – so many years ago, but I think about it more than I should. I wonder what my facial expression must have been. At this point, I feel like it was the last time my breath was completely taken away – I guess, just because I didn’t expect it.

I actually feel incredibly guilty about it all. I suppose she knows that. At this point, I try my best not to be attracted to anything or anyone because it just gets me in trouble, but there I am. heart racing, when I feel brave enough to say something that I feel I shouldn’t. I wonder if she remembers the conversation the same way that I do, or if it is just because I talk about it when I get too day dreamy. I never felt like she meant to say, “We should move here.” She had a way of making me feel hyper feminine in an emotional way that wanted to run off and.. you know, do those things people do when they run off. I wouldn’t know because I have never gotten to live that adventure yet. …it’s always been too soon.

You’re so much more than good enough

• by admin • In Folk Rock, Grammy Nominee, Rock •   0

Listening to the songs below just remind me of the days that I longed to be in love. I couldn’t wait until these songs meant more to me and now, I am deathly afraid of it, so much so, that I have grown complacent and have no desire to talk to others. Throwing me into a room full of men and a butch lesbian and a ghetto 50 year old married woman was a cruel and unusual punishment, but it will ensure that I do not fall victim to whatever manipulator roles up into the local phone company. I have so many mixed feelings that I feel awful saying, but I fell in love with the young kids soon – and I an afraid that was the plan all along.

Anyone would be mad at how many Melissa Etheridge cruises I could have gone on if I wasn’t supporting so many people. Somehow there is always a leach and I feel like it is getting painfully obvious.

I feel like my brother is feeling guilty for his mental state and dependency on me so he is leaving to Seattle and I can only support him and hope he makes good decisions. I am going to make sure he gets a roommate place when he gets there and pay for the first month and I sure as hell hope he can take it from there because a room for rent up in Seattle is $700 and if I am paying for rent in Seattle, it is going to be real painful to pay my rent here too. Then there is my ex and the kids – they should be leaving by July 25th, because from what I understand there is someone waiting to move in there. That will be a relief and a stressed too. I will be worried about my minor and adult children as they are out of site, but that’s fine really. I need a damn break.

I have talked to the person that recorded this a few times online. She talked to me about my Melissa Etheridge videos from New Braunfels, but I have started to notice that she has thousands of videos. She is clearly no amateur. I want to ask her what she does but I am not that assertive. I couldn’t even bring myself to send it to her, I only mentioned it as casually as possible. The truth is, when I stumbled across it, I felt my pulse accelerate until I could feel my heart beat in my throat. Due to currently technology, my brain deiced to measure it, because math and history – well, 120 bpm is how this recording makes me feel even though the sound quality is tricky. It’s on a cruise ship, think about the limitations.

I shall now refer to Bishop as the great divide.. not really but tonight I will.

When I was younger and started to listen to what I would call Lesbian Music despite the fact that many were not lesbians at all, I meant wymen rock or something – I don’t know the correct term but I have seen it come up in Ani Difranco’s book, however the other term seems more derogatory to me – this isnt the WNBA here, these are international rock stars.

This is the first time I have listened to these songs in the last 6+ years… I am sorry that they mean so much to me. I guess this is what sorry – not sorry means.. I really can’t put into words how listening to these songs feels and I know that I shouldn’t – so there’s that.

What is San Francisco like this time of year? Are pitbulls welcome?

It’s only fear that makes you run

• by admin • In Rock •   0

Today – work was busy and went by fast. It was my first full time day, but I have been working 40 hours a week this whole time, but I didn’t get benefits before.

I got a surprise message today, asking if I had passed my tests. I told her that I had and about my new GoPro that I rewarded myself with for getting a solid job within 3 months – really, 5 weeks.

Somehow while screwing with my phone while working, I seemingly blocked her. I found this as I went to glance at our message and it wasn’t there. I was pretty proud of myself for calmly and logically addressing the situation instead of assuming the worst. I searched her name and saw a big ‘unblock’ on her profile. That was a scary 30 seconds. It reminded me about how lucky I am to have her in my life. I feel ridiculous and I hope that she doesn’t mind at all. It reminded me how much tiny messages here and there mean to me.

I ave been really getting into my YouTube and video editing, even though I think my stuff is crap – the only way to improve it is to keep trying. When I watch my old videos, I am reminded how much I have grown. Teal and Emily have both complimented me on how mature I have become. I can’t say that I am mature at all but I do last about 8 hours a day as an adult.

Last night, I noticed that my two most popular YouTube videos were private. Each video had more views than my entire channel. I made the random video that is really nothing at all, I simply took it for liability reasons had 7,222 views as of today. When I made it public, my channel views went up to 14,284 views. I am thinking about editing the company name out of the top video. I was asked to take it down by my former company because “it made the company look bad.” I will be posting that letter here, because it’s funny and I love talking about it – but since then, they have hired me to work for their company, promoted me to someone in management and then let me go in a reduction in force, so, yes, I think I will put the video back online without the incriminating company name in it just for fun, and to up my channel views to over 26,000.

All my dreams have started breaking

• by admin • In Folk Rock, Heartland rock •   0

I had a pretty emotional week, both good and sad. I helped Emily go through her late fathers things. I don’t think that she made it very far – it was really hard on her. Yesterday when I was seeing what she was up to, she said she had to take care of a few things in Austin, and then I realized my ex was marrying her friend – so I am sure that is where she was, just didn’t think she could tell me.

I have also really been keeping my distance from my ex but with that comes the desire to cuddle with someone or be sweet and close. I never really miss sex specifically but I miss intimacy and I have no desire to meet anyone so that’s a disappointing feeling.

And this is the first time I have seen the clip, but I had been told in the past that after you ‘concert’ so many women, you get a toaster over. In that joke, I don’t think whoever was saying it realized I don’t convert anyone.. I just sleep with straight women and get my heart broken. I am almost tired of this preference by now. I still believes that she has always identified as lesbian.. I just wish I was the lesbian she identified with..

Confusion on the ground

• by admin • In Alternative rock, Grammy Nominee, Heartland rock, Soft Rock •   0

You know what they say about assuming.. I embarrass myself more than I would like to admit, but luckily for me, I really don’t open up to many people, so there isn’t a ton of opportunities. I feel like I need to put my friend on a payroll for all the shit she puts up with from me.

When I was younger, I would get confused.  Confused between really caring about someone as a friend and being in love with them.  Maybe I never for past it.  How do I know if I am attracted to someone as a person or more?  The good thing is, I would much rather a good friend than a girlfriend, because I just don’t trust relationships or love.  I tried it once or twice and it didn’t work out that well for me.

Last night, I had a weird dream.  I thought that it was real but never asked anyone – but I am sure it was not. In my dream, Maddison called me.  She said, “You’re not going to like this, but my girlfriend has something to say.” and then handed the phone to someone.  Then a more masculine chick got on the phone and said something like. “Yeah, girlfriend, did you hear that?  Stay away from my…” and then I hung up.  In my dream, I knew that it was Sarah.  I did get pissed off because, what the fuck.  I was really mad, but who knows why.  I get really sad when people don’t trust me.. but then I guess I see why.

I went to some Kid Fish with my nieces and nephew today.  It was on river road and there were a million people there.  I had terrible reception but managed to exchange a few important messages.  Tomorrow will mark a month since I left work.  I don’t think that I could ever work from home.  I need an escape and a distraction.  My mind has really played some tricks on me and I just wish I knew how to apologize properly.

She wanted to help me and I am a complicated mess that needs to learn when to stop.

Yet another song that I did not know before playing it. These electronics…

But somebody stole my silver shoes

• by admin • In Folk Rock, Grammy Nominee, Heartland rock, Music, Rock, Soft Rock, Soul music •   0

It’s not every day that I hear a new Melissa Etheridge song – she’s like my fuckin’ idol.

I feel like there was just an Eminem reference in regards to Melissa Etheridge and there’s just something wrong about that.

The Internet thought I needed a few new songs in my playlist.

But if you break down
I’ll drive out and find you
If you forget my love
I’ll try to remind you
And stay by you when it don’t come easy

The most interesting thing about this post is that I have never heard these songs before, listened to them back to back and didn’t plan them at all.  YouTube Conspiracy.

Correct me when I’m wrong.  Point me in the right direction, I will listen.  

It didn’t stop there.  I paused this video 55 seconds because I don’t appreciate the way that these songs are talking to me.  I wish that I were more confident in… something.  I am not used to being so confused about my feelings that I am quite sure about.  I guess, I don’t know what’s welcomed, expected or okay.  More-so I am concerned that I should be concerned – its all a perplexing feeling I have had for a while.