Mariah Carey

Won’t you please come around

• by She Says • In Grammy Nominee, Pop, R&B •   Comments Off on Won’t you please come around

‘Cause I wanna share forever with you, baby

Its been a year since grandma had her first TIA, mini stroke. She can’t walk anymore or even stand up on her own to get in the wheel chair, I helped with her on Tuesday while my aunt was on vacation and I just kept breaking down into tears the whole time. I had been having trouble eating for a few days so I was really weak and could barely lift her with my other aunt. I just couldn’t believe how much changed in a year.

Tonight, my brother and I rode in the old bus in a Christmas parade with our dad. We weren’t super into it but we really wanted to spend time with him while we still have the change to. It has all been so eye opening to how fragile life is and has left me in a state of anxiety that I can’t even explain. I lost my friend suddenly to heart failure on October 22 and then they put grandma on hospice on October 25. She is still alive and they do not say she is dying but I can’t understand why she can’t talk anymore or even really move her arms and legs. I guess that’s what strokes do but it has been so very hard, I cry every day.

My former brother in law and neices’ father tragically took his life on Nov 16 and I have not really been able to come to terms with that one year.

That leaves me with the last concern that I am afraid to even write about. It had been months and then finally I had heard something promising and then nothing. If I wasn’t close enough to check on her nearly daily, I would be struggling even more. I hope that it doesn’t bother her that I just need to see her car continue to move and on my hardest days I make sure I am even more accurate than that. So I will just keep dreaming as hard as I can and sending my unwaivering support over the breeze.

I have been struggling so terribly emotionally but she did send me a picture the day after she said something to me and it has been helping me push though, oh how I love when she sends me pictures.

Won’t you please come around 

• by She Says • In Grammy Nominee, Hip Hop •   Comments Off on Won’t you please come around 

Today, I heard this classic on the 90’s on 9 and it was just what I needed. Not my typical genre of choice but it was for the last few years of that decade. Middle school dances were will with R&B.

It reminded me of the time that I was sitting at the light by Palmer’s (was heading West for record purposes) and The Cardigan’s Lovefool came on. You can bet I raced to message her and tell her all about it.

‘Cause I just want you here tonight

• by admin • In Music •   0

When I was driving home from work – to continue working from home, this song came on the radio and it reminded me about something.

There was about 5 years of my life that I did think I was just too cool for love.. feelings and just about everything. It was back when I was working diligently to built my army of platonic supports and enact every defense mechanism that I knew how to use.

Then I met her, my world instantly changed. I had shoes that I thought were stupid now. I don’t think that she ever even saw me wear them but I can’t say I wore them in a serious manner after that. I hit that brick wall and my armor must not have been glued well because it all just came crumbling off. I looked at her with a shy smile and it wasn’t long before – I thought – she knew that she was all that I could think about.

I’m not really sure when that change really happened for her – but somewhere in there, I no longer cared at all. If people wanted to laugh, they could. If people wanted to have opinions that differed from mine, that was fine, but I didn’t want to hear about it.

So I think that I used to be – a lot less secure with myself and much more guarded. Somewhere on my journey in making sure that she knew exactly how I felt, I completely lost track of any defenses. For several years my best defense has been, “I am in love with someone,” but once it failed – I had to come up with a better one. Actually, I didn’t – I just avoid people all together now. So basically – this song came on, it was the version without Justin Bieber but since he is my boy ‘twin’ I guess he can spice up the video with some cheese.

All I Want For Christmas Is You (1994)