love her

I expected summer to be there in the morning

• by admin • In Folk Rock, Indie Folk •   0

Jeremyville06The first time that I heard this, I listened in amazement and then watched a falling star.  I made a wish as I saw it falling towards her house.  I have forgotten what my exact wish was but I always try to be specific so that something weird wouldn’t happen.. I can imagine that my wish may have been something like, “I wish that she will do what makes her truly happy, no matter who she ends up with, I just want to know that she loves me.”  I look back at that night, often.  I wonder what I wished and how much of it has come true since then.  She was in San Francisco at the time to see a band.

When she landed, she sent me a text to let me know that she arrived safely.  The next text said something like, we should live her someday… Since I have been in love with her for about as long as I can remember at this point, my heart melted all over the place and I never forgot that moment in time.

I don’t have to pretend, she doesn’t expect it from me

• by admin • In Folk, Music, Pop, Rock •   0

There are certain moments in our lives that make me see the progress. As long as I am moving forward, I am happy. We have had a history of… unconventional communication, to say the least. It had been about 2 weeks since we had gotten our hair cut together. I hadn’t really heard from her much, which is always hard on me. I am not sure how this song related at all, but it’s what is playing in my mind.

I feel like we get closer every day, even though I go weeks and sometimes months without even seeing her. Most of the talking is one sided but I truly believe that she likes my communication.. even though most would not agree with me.

Today I was reminded of how much I have grown up in the last 2 years.. I was at a local gas station.. read the condom wrapper next to me.. and I didn’t even puke.. exaggerated, maybe.. but yes, it happened. Then I contemplated sexuality and questioned my lack of desire.

I’ve never put someone else’s emotions first

• by admin • In Words •   0

As I reread my text to her, I wonder if she notices the changed that I have made for her.  It nearly too me 30 years to consider someone else’s feelings and I hope that I do an okay job of it.

Long before I ever discovered why I wasn’t invited places, she was going fishing somewhere south west of here.  I threw the biggest fit over text about that.  She said something like that I shouldn’t make her feel like shit just because she wanted to go an do something.

Those words cut so deep and I have tried to conscientiously be positive in all of my messages to her after that.  It’s not always easy and I am sure that I am not always perfect at it but I am pretty sure that it is the first time that someone was ever able to get through to me like that.

I have had a history of making mistakes with my words.  People think I am harsh, but I think the doctors call it anxiety.  My medicine has helped me a lot.  When my emotions don’t get out of control, I don’t seem to either.

The thought of hurting her is more that I can ignore.  I hope that she understands where I’m coming from when I cause trouble.  She has always been amazing at calming me down when I start to panic about whatever it is that I am making a big deal of at the time.

It’s time to go breathe some fresh air – or eat some pizza

• by admin • In Words •   0

 

I often have to remind myself that I don’t know everything.  Sometimes, I don’t know a lot about a subject at all.  It’s never easy, but in the end, I end up convincing myself that she knows what’s best, I trust her opinion and that she would make the best decisions for her.  I have never trusted anyone like that.  I am more than amazed at the way I have handled everything, and the directions my thoughts generally go.   Today I am going to tell my story with crap I save off the internet..

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