On the playlist for the show, these two songs are listed together. I could only imagine it is because of the commentary in between that speaks right to me.
Today, I was listening to my Melissa Etheridge concert from 3 months ago – because I am a strange bird, I noticed – I think she is talking to me – or about me – are all lesbians really that similar?
It was about that moment when I realized, what if she had been able to come with me? How would I feel listening to all of these songs with her life. She would probably hold my hand like she did during that sex scene in that movie and then everything would be better.
Gruene Hall
When I saw this at the first show, you can hear me laugh in amusement. I really shouldn’t be amused with this – but at least I am not alone, right?
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There was a time in my life that I was embarrassed by how much I loved Bowling for Soup, but now I embrace my nerdiness. I think it helps that I may be the least socially awkward at work, which never happens – but I can’t keep up with these people that have dedicated their life to being nerds – at least I have tried to resist.
The I catch myself going and doing some shit like this:
Here I was working on my video editing. I couldn’t help but think about the night at Showdown that I know I bucked up when some guy was flirting with her in front of me. We have a very unusual relationship and as the years passed, I realized why we never went in public – but I could care less at this point.. I wonder if Candace noticed, I can only imagine it lead to the comment about that we should date. Anyway – back to my story, as she flooded my mind, I decided to send her a message with only a heart. I didn’t think that she would see it until tomorrow, but she saw it pretty quickly. That’s really all the attention that I needed to warm my heart – and I have no idea what she even thinks – but I am just happy that she notices me.
Last night, I was reminded that if I had a theme song, it would probably be this:
The night before the concert, I was leaving my friend’s house when I glanced over and saw how empty it looked down the road. The porch light was not on. There were no cars in the drive way. Of course, I took the long way home to see why it looked so different in that direction. I haven’t had a chance to go back but as I passed, I felt relief that her bedroom light was on until I noticed that it looked nearly completely empty inside. I had the classic fear of being pulled out of your school and moved across the country, suddenly, I felt like i had lost a best friend.
With 700 miles of driving, I had plenty of time to reflect and think.. I am left hoping she is happy and enjoying life.
The thing about keeping great records, digital ones at that, is that it is easy to cross reference them when needed. Today marks 2 years since a difficult day in my life. That day happens to be the day that I started this site, as a way to deal with the situation. It looks like it was the next day or so that I was at work, ended up talking to someone that made me a little sad on the phone.. then my boss jumped down my throat and made me cry on a call.. That will be 2 years ago Monday. In my opinion, I handled it very well. That call was one call before my lunch, I remember it quite well. The call after that is the one that I actually started to cry during, barely, but everything had just been building up. I logged out when it was time to go to lunch, I walked right up to my boss and told her that I was going to the doctor and that I would be back the next day.
In the past, I had been on anxiety medicine, and at some time around when my middle niece was born, about 3 and a half years ago, I had stopped taking it. With everything that had transpired and how much I was reacting to everything around me, I knew that it was something that I needed in my life. In retrospect, this site serves as a record of my progress in the last 2 years. Since then, I have been promoted at work. I on my 8th training class and somehow I have gained the trust and understanding of the woman that I have fallen in love with. I feel that way anyway. It’s a huge deal to me because I tend to keep everyone in my life at a safe distance, but something tells me that she is different.. and I enjoy every minute of it.
When I was coming home from my friend’s house tonight, I drove by her old house for the first time since she had left. I just kind of turned when I really didn’t have to. My heart felt a little lighter when I saw his car in the drive way. I’m uncertain why I can’t bring myself to just ask her a few things. My imagination had been playing with combinations and statistical realities.. Most people that know me, know that I would wait 2 more years for her without thinking twice.. and hate it – I’m not sure why. Those act like I am selling myself short and that no one should wait for anyone.. Then the other reactions that I get are more sincere in my eyes, I can’t tell you how much I like it when someone reacts the opposite and confirms that it’s incredibly romantic. There’s a handful of close friends that know just how I feel. They see my face when I talk to her. My attempt to smile as she leaves. It’s nice when someone actually understands you. It seems to be so rare lately.
While stumbling around the YouTube.. I found this gem:
