This has always been a favorite to me – when my dad was struggling to raise us, we listened to Jimmy Buffett exclusively, I thought it was just what music was.
When I turn 40, I hope that we are close enough that it is not odd that I hope to spend it with her and her sisters – I just want to know them. Her oldest sister will be 44 by then.
I feel like I am running out of time – I need to get through to her but I am panicking and it makes it really hard for me to speak clearly.
I met her 9 years ago today – I think I have been holding my breath ever since.
Today, my dog had to go to the vet. She got preseribed pain medicine and how she can barely walk. Her age is showing and it hurts to be alone right now, I will come back to a place that has helped me many times before and talk about the music.
Today, songs that Jimmy Buffett has covered when my dad mentioned that he had covered some Grateful Dead songs that had surprised him.
My father was a big Jimmy Buffet fan, growing up, I can’t say I knew much music that was not Jimmy Buffet from him or 90s country from my grandparents, well then and older. My grandmother loved Eddie Arnold. When I knew one of his songs, I had no idea why.
My dad explained that Jimmy Buffett’s version is skewed about his daughter at least in the first verse.
Through coincidence, I now own an album that has Eddie Arnold’s version on it – It would be lying if I said I don’t have a set of records with some songs I play that tear me apart. I realize, it’s really not true but I wish we had records.
I believe Patsy Cline’s version may be the original – either way, I have now pulled at my own heart strings so I will continue to post those random add songs from my record collection that I play to loud and feel too hard to.
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There are a few songs that I have known my whole life – most being Jimmy Buffett or some variation of country from the mid 80s or earlier. It seems as though he has gained notoriety in recent years but he didn’t used to be that popular. I can remember being embarrassed that I listened to him, but many of those were my teenage years where anything would have embarrassed me. It was great exposure therapy and helped me get to the point that I am at now. I used to be incredibly shy and most people wouldn’t know it except that one lady that makes me question everything I know just by entering a room.
When it comes to Jimmy Buffett, there are a few songs that I feel get too much attention and this is one of them, but today it touched my heart all the same. She sent me a stunning photo and it lead to me quoting the following song. As I typed out the line and stopped, the song continued in my head. The next line was about California – which I thought was cute so then I wanted to listen to it. I forgot that the first line includes San Francisco, which happens to be where she was at that second in life and it just made me twinkle a little. Then I told her all about it and went on.
The other day, a friend posted this on the Internet and I joked with her that it was going to get me in trouble. This is completely unrelated to the post and kind of the song, but in my heart, its so related.
I was pulling into my parking spot and getting out of my car when I realized that a reoccurring dream that I have quite often, is just a dream. It seems so real at the time – but its not true at all.
In my dream, I park my dodge stealth in a dark parking garage of an apartment complex that I am familiar with (in my dream – it does not actually exist to my knowledge). It wasn’t running well and I was planning on coming back for it later. MLE picks me up and takes me to work. I am not sure why we are both employed at actual jobs that exist in my town but they are in this fictional set up. When I am off work, I have her take me to my other car – which is my 1994 Honda Accord – that I did own at the same time as the dodge stealth but I know this specific situation never happened.
She takes me to my car and sometimes I have to walk. It seems as though I drive that car around for months before someone asks me where my other car is and I just can’t remember. At first I try to look for it but then I can’t find it and it’s not where I left it. That parting garage is rows deep with cars like they had in Guatemala. If you were in the first few rows, you weren’t getting out until the other cars moved. Everyone was double and triple parked. I had a flashlight looking at the hood of all of the cars but never found the death sled. Eventually, I give up looking and just tell people that I lost it, as if people just forget where they parked their car and leave it.
Sometimes I believe it’s been towed and I can’t afford to get it out. others I just come to terms with the fact that it’s just gone.
In reality, when I had to me – against my will, I really didn’t have a place to put my car and taking up most of my storage unit with a car seemed ridiculous – now, I wish that it was sitting in my storage but what can you do. I sold it for $500 because I knew that it wasn’t worth anything. It was painful and then I sold my next car for $400 when something went out while I was in Guatemala. Some say I was dealt a bad hand, I am not quite sure what I think.
I couldn’t tell you why but there are a set of Jimmy Buffett songs that have always been comforting to me. Maybe it’s because it’s what I used to fall asleep to when I was little – there is no telling.
A Pirate Looks At Forty
Wonder Why We Ever Go Home
Miss You So Badly
One Particular Harbor
This is not one of them but I am going to save it because I used to listen to this song by the Beetles in my dad’s car on an 8 track player. It may have been the only 8 track tape that he had. I found it in my search for a few good songs.
My brother – is having a very hard time. Its a part of the equation that I have not mentions, maybe because it is the most serious and severe. I should not ignore it, but people act like I do. He gave me a bass guitar a few years back, right before I did Guitar Girl. He taught me one song. I doubt that I could play it again without a lot of practice. I think it would help him if we started playing again.
Since it was Valentine’s day, I spent time with the woman that I love most – my grandma. On the way to her house, I heard a song on the radio that caught my attention. It was about half way through the song when I realized that it must be called “In The Air Tonight” by Phil Collins, because I recognized a line that took me back to “Stan” by Eminiem. It’s funny that I have watched the movie “Kids” and related this song to Eminiem.. it’s just unexpected to learn anything from Marshall Mathers.
I really have no idea what that song is about but the first few lines spoke to me, then I realized it was the song that was referenced in “Stan” and I have always loved that song. I used to watch the “Guilty Conscience” video way too often too.
Today, when I was talking about going to see a friend after I left her house – she said, “That’s something you have a lot of – friends, that’s really good.” She married when she was 16 years old. She feels like she missed out on a lot in life – and I know that having her own personal friends is one of them. She is a twin so if it wasn’t her sister, it was her husband. She has no idea how much my friends help me get through. There are moments when I feel like no one cares and no one understands and that everything is pointless – and just at the right moment, someone steps back in my life and reminds me that I am worth it.. and that everything is just circumstantial. It makes a big difference. Never underestimate how much a few words might help someone on such a deep level.
When this video came out, I thought that it was so great. My life has changed a little, however, it is still entertaining.
The next song that I paid attention to while driving to my grandma’s house was The Cranberries.
Then I came home and my brother was singing a personal favorite of ours.
It had been a good while since I had talked to her last. Almost exactly a month, because the first day that I hung out with the gf, I told her about how I had gotten drunk the night before. I am way too honest. I explained why I was upset, what I said and how she didn’t say much. She reassured me the next day but then we didn’t talk again until this weekend. This song came on in my dad’s truck sometime last week. It reminded me that I probably… that I won’t be going to visit her next month as I had planned.. its about 2 weeks away. It’s been three years. My new girlfriend was helping me clean my room.. and mentioned my calendar that is left on July 2013.. These are the moments that get me in trouble.