jewel

There are addictions to feed and there are mouths to pay

• by admin • In Indie Folk, Music •   0

I always have to remember that I should be able to handle what I ask for. I have been trying to find a way out of this relationship for a while now, but when she moves on before I realize that we are actually broken up – it hurts.  Not to mention, it didn’t help that it’s the mechanic that she met since we have been together.  She has been obsessed with her ever since and even kicked my brother out of our house when he was talking shit about her.

I let her come in my house, smoked with her and she took my believed to be girlfriend out on New Years Eve. For some reason, I didn’t expect to be so offended and defensive, but I guess that is what my life has become.  My old friends will be glad to have me back, but it will be hard gathering them all up.  One of the last women that I dated – years ago – has already had a baby, left her boyfriend and gotten back with him – not that I am keeping tabs.  Then well, my favorite friend still can’t or won’t talk to me anymore – so that’s always fun and difficult.  The only reason that I ever thought it would be a good idea to be in a relationship in the first place, is I thought it would help guys trust me with their girlfriends but apparently, I’ve gone and fucked that one up.

And these foolish games are tearing me apart

• by admin • In Folk, Grammy Nominee, Pop, Pop Rock •   Comments Off on And these foolish games are tearing me apart

For whatever reason, I hear this song nearly daily and think about her every time. I think back to the conversation when she told me that she may regret some decisions that she had made. I always read too far into anything that she said. I wanted to think that she regretted choosing C over me when faced when the situation so long ago – though I am sure that she didn’t think that I was a possibility.. seeing that she lived with him and I had no idea.. It’s weird to think about a lot of things like that.

My brother met her once, she came over and we hung out in my room. He had already had preconceived notions about her and it all changed when he met her. He would say things like, “She is just not into you… you’re just going to have to find a way to get over her.” and from time to time, before he knew her at all, just thought she was a stuck up bitch taking advantage of the fact that I was completely head over heels for her.. typical reaction from a brother, but when he met her… he said he really liked her ans she could see why I was always.. caught up in her. I guess he just saw our connection, which is not normal for a brother that could careless about what I do in that manner.

I always wondered what it would have been like to be able to meet her father.  What would it have been like in an alternate universe?

And to express my ever changing mood, I will throw in one more random song that I feel like listening to:

This song was popular as my heart originally broke. I wouldn’t changing meeting her if I had the chance. I might change the way that I reacted.

You stated your case time and again

• by admin • In Alternative rock, Astrology, Folk, Grammy Nominee, Hard Rock, Music, Pop, Post-Grunge •   Comments Off on You stated your case time and again

Today, has been one of those days.  A co-worker was out, so I was left juggling nearly 30 all center agents that all think they are the center of the universe.  Really its probably only a quarter of them but it seems like a lot.  I have been pissing people off left and right.  After a long day of making my agents mad because they expect too much from me and getting yelled at and threaten by customers, I come home and have to deal with the two closest people telling me how much I don’t do for them.  I offered to watch my sisters children during pride weekend and somehow ruined it and misunderstood when my brother wanted  a ride to Subway so somehow I have ruined his night and he is going to starve.  I didn’t respond appropriately, not that I even know what that would be.  I cried some and then listened to the following songs.  It started with a song that made me think about her the other day while I was in the grocery store. It reminded me of my blind and most likely stupid faith.  The rest of the songs came on following it on YouTube. I would be lying if I said that it didn’t hurt when she said, “I don’t need you anymore and I don’t want you.”  I suppose that would shock most anyone.  Just give it time and I will find a way to fuck it up.  I am pretty sure, I have always wished that someone thought about me when they heard this song..

For fun I decided to look up my horoscope today, because why not. I can’t feel like everyone hates me without blaming the universe or something, can I.

Since I am no longer a teenager, I was not sure where one would get a horoscope, so I just googled it and selected the Chicago’s news paper, because seems to be a legitment source:

Relations with others might be strained or aloof today. People are not sure which action to take or which direction to go. You probably feel the same way. Therefore, be ginger about whatever you do. Go gently. Avoid important decisions and avoid spending money on anything other than food or gas.