Janis Joplin

Last night, I had the sweetest dream that is still giving me slightest chills when I think about it.

I seem to wake up with really strong emotions and only remember seconds of my dreams. This morning, I woke remembering her straddling my back and touching me softly. She squeezed my shoulders and then leaned in and softly kissed up the middle of my back near my shoulder blades as she ran her hands down my shoulders. The rush of endorphins seem to be what always wakes me up. I actually believe its more of a repeat of something that has happened before based on other dreams like that. She is the most sensual.. most delicate.. I am typically not into anyone touching me but I’d like to think that I was never like that with her.

It’s all a little funny when I think about it – though I try to stay out of those compartments in the brain. If I would have known the half of it, I would have reacted completely different and ruined everything – so in the end, I am delightfully happy that everything went the way it did and I became ridiculously attached to a woman that I can’t get enough of – I can’t imagine that was really her goal but I hope she enjoys it as much as I do.

I am left wanting her to teach me what I need to know – 7 years ago, I was not in the position to be everything I needed to be. Yesterday, I was driving, and thinking, because I can’t help that. I was scanning the radio stations and stopping at whatever caught my attention. I listened to several classic country songs that — okay one brought a tear to my eye so I will post it below the lesbian music of the post. Anyway, it left me thinking about The Field of Dreams. A movie that I insisted on watching a million times. I had about 3 I was stuck on. Now I have read that anxious children will do this. The world knew that I had everything against me – but I think that I am doing just fine and I believe that I have someone that loves me, despite her limitations and its more important than anything else in this superficial world to me. So – I convinced myself that I need to drag myself out of whatever depression that I have fallen into and redirect my energy.

Also, I drove to San Antonio and back twice yesterday because I left water boiling on my stove and remembered while I was at my grandma’s house. I called my dad and it was a whole ordeal but everything was fine. I learned that I need to stick with steal pots. Last time I left an aluminum pot on the stove too long, it melted. Nothing bad happened but I had hours of driving and thinking –

When left me telling myself, “Build it and She Will Come” which isn’t as easy as just building a baseball stadium like in the movie.. okay I guess that is not easy but – I need to continue to make the needed changes in my life so that I am not embarrassed if she randomly shows up. I need to live life as if I am ready and quit moping around all the damn time because I think I can tell the future based on a couple random things that could mean anything.

Anyway, I loved the moments of thinking about her lips gracing my back – the hair on my legs stand up if I even think about it. I am glad no one is counting how long it has been since someone has touched me. Most would think it was pathetic, I prefer to consider it wholesome. I am kind of grossed out when people try to get me to distract myself with someone else. I simply say, “but I am in love with….” and they follow it up with soo.. and try to convince me – but I have no desire what so ever and I often question what is wrong with people, but I suppose I should wonder – what is wrong with me? I don’t care – I don’t mind it at all – and maybe that is why my dad never dated again. Maybe when you are raised without so much sexual influence, you don’t feel the same as other people.

https://youtu.be/Z4IiRR__DWg

This song followed on YouTube.. so I kept it.

Then I learned a new song from YouTube

Country song that made me emotional because I’m a wuss.

One day. I heard a line in this song that stole my attention. so I listen to it once in a while.

Last night, I had a dream that I decided to keep to myself. I can’t imagine that it symbolizes anything more than my immaturity.

I was sitting in homeroom in high school. The classroom was so detailed that I could see the teacher’s (Mr. Algebra II / fencer / computer nerd) Pascal Programming books on the shelf. He was demanding our attention in a way that it was clearly homeroom and not Algebra II, which I often slept through, but he handled it pretty well. He would scare me with grades like 67 but never actually failed me to the point of where it would affect me.

In this dream, I was sitting about 3 rows from the teacher’s desk, which was on the far end of the room. Mr. M had just walked back to his desk and started to sit down when he started to try to tell me something.

There was a rowdy group of boys playing paper football or something, causing a ruckus to the point where I couldn’t hear him. Being the passive man that he was, he just calmly closed his eyes and seemed to hold his breathe until they realize they were being disruptive. As Mr. M did this, my eyes shifted from the teacher down to the left to be met with someone looking at me like that had something to say but we just stared at each other for a second or two until Mr. M asked me the question about something I had no interest in – but I took the book that he was suggesting, politely and started to read. I feel like it was long after the dream was over and I had already woken up that I realized who the disruptive boy was.

I wasn’t particularly phased by the boys playing paper football loudly in between us. I probably envied them and wished that I was playing paper football loudly, instead of my Algebra II teacher attempting to get me into computer coding that has since been rendered obsolete. I am pretty sure he was Budist, but I didn’t know more than I had learned in po-dunk geography class.

That teacher later got fired for jokingly pulling a pocket knife on a student. My brother was actually present for that situation – I don’t think I could make this redneck stuff up – but anyway, as I was driving to work, I suppose my mind was aimlessly wandering, because I think that’s when I realized – it was C. He was in my homeroom class too.

Why?

This is all I could pull out of it and I wasn’t thrilled with the results – maybe I should just not.

School

To dream that you are in school signifies feelings of inadequacy and childhood insecurities that have never been resolved. It may relate to anxieties about your performance and abilities.

Alternatively, a dream that takes place in school may be a metaphor for the lessons that you are learning from your waking life. You may be going through a “spiritual learning” experience.
http://www.dreammoods.com/dreamdictionary/s.htm

I’ll rock you till the daylight comes

In my brain, oh I can see your face again

School