Tonight, while I was watching the new American Horror Story with friends, the words in “Criminal” seemed to speak to me. I don’t blame her for a thing that has happened and once in a while when I am thinking about the way things turned out – I can’t help but ask myself – was it terrible timing or perfect timing?

If things happened in a different order, theres a good chance that I would have ran screaming in the other direction… let’s be honest.

She’s everything that I have ever wanted in a friend and partner but I have so many preconceived notions that I have created to ‘keep me safe’ I would have been over whelmed long ago. I’ll have to admit that she has a way of handling me..

And since this song also seems appropriate, it will be added. Today was so long and the hardest part at this point was wonder what I did and trying to keep myself from pestering her.

On that note, I realized that – deep in my heart, I am so confident that she loves me and that she feels all these things for me. A few things have been said here and there so that I know that things are not completely one sided, but I can’t help but be shocked at my audacity sometimes. It’s like part of me is terrified that I have done something to upset her which constantly argues with the part of me that just wants me to calm down and ‘let her do her own thing.’ That is the side that knows she does not want to hurt me like this, but it just comes with the situation. That is the same side that sees her pushing me away in hopes of protecting me from the pain. I’m not convinced that it works, but I will keep believing in brightening her life the way she enlightens mine.