I took my love, I took it down
Climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
‘Til the landslide brought it down

I’m so quick to tell her everything. I hope that she doesn’t hold it against me. Her roommate posted that they were all going to see Smashing Pumpkins on a mutual friend’s FB.  I am constantly reminded of high school and the challenges that it brought to my life.  I would like to think that I am long past that, since I graduated 15 years ago, but I felt myself exploring some deep places in my heart and soul last night.  In the end, I felt ashamed to be who I am and completed defeated, so I was painfully reminded that the pain from the past isn’t really gone.  This is pain that was caused by my peers, completely separate from the difficulties I faced at home.  I hope that one day, people like me will be able to live outside of this.

Can I sail through the changin’ ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?

On my way to work this morning, the original version, by Stevie Nix played on the radio. It’s about a 5 minute drive to work, so any great song playing during this time really makes my day.  It took me to a place that I really didn’t need to be as I walked into work. I think that I fought back a few tears, wished that she could see past the surface and hoped for the best.  I know that she has a deep rooted soul and I ‘hope and pray’ that she understands my deep connection and I don’t look like the standard maniac.. I feel guilty so often, but other times I just feel extremely dedicated and trusting.  I’ve been lectured by about everyone that knows.  My girlfriend even makes fun of me for certain things, often.

I met her just after she left the state.  I tried the line, “I am in love with someone else..” and I even said something like, “I am sad because my girlfriend like thing moved away.”  Those conversations come up often when people want to make fun of me.  I have learned to roll with it, but what really matters, is what she thinks.