garth brooks

Where the whiskey drowns

• by admin • In Country, Music •   Comments Off on Where the whiskey drowns

It’s been a while since I have posted and there are many reasons for that. The most notable one is that I have a wonderful woman in my life that encourages me and supports me, so I no longer have to try to avoid talking to her by talking to myself on this site. Just 27th came and went and I didn’t even notice to get overwhelmed with emotions that no one else would even know about. It was July 29th before I even noticed and I was proud of how far we have both come.

It more tragic news, a friend of mine that I saw pretty regularly was brutally murdered by her husband that she was trying to leave. That alone has caused my worst fears to spike and then get buried due to trying my best to be a normal human. I have spent a lot of time trying to help her best friend, which is Maddie and assist the kids with what they need. She left behind 3 teenage kids and one of them lost his father in the ordeal. The youngest is a very sensitive guy that was already severely depressed for a 15 year old. Now his sister watched his father murder his mother and they are all fucked up to say the least. As far as I know, he is still in the Atascosa County Jail. No one I know has been in contact with him.

Soon, I will post something more light-hearted about my working from home adventures. Just a few days ago we soared past 5 months of working from home. The funny part about that is that my car broke down about 2 weeks before the Corona Virus hype. It was the last day in February and I was stuck getting rides to and from work. My friends and dad had been helping me but I had asked if I could work from home a day or 2 because there were somedays that no one was available to take me into work. I even took a day off due to this but they didn’t want me working from home because we were not trusted – yet, two weeks later plus those 5 months working from home and here we are. Let the record show that we were just as productive when working from home.

I am going to come back to talking about my friend, Jenn, soon but I just can’t even really handle thinking about it directly yet. He loured her to the house they used to share after she had been gone for about 2 months. He show her in the neck as she got out of her car. They all lived with me for a few months back in 2017. He was an asshole but I just took it as your average conservative man. Her and her kids were abused more than I realized – not that any amount is okay. I feel guilty as hell in multiple ways. I can’t believe I didn’t realize it and I can’t believe I didn’t do something. When I expect that someone is in an abusive relationship, I convince myself that I am crazy and it is all in my head because I grew up in such a situation – but the realization that I am probably not wrong a lot of the time – have a very real world situation in my life and it makes me sick that I don’t even know what to do.

I don’t really know what inspired this music collection, it’s about to get very country around here. Exit stage left if you are not into that, no one will judge you. I would like to think that Jenn loved these classics, chances are – she did. I had to avoid one Garth Brooks song as it was clearly in bad taste.

https://youtu.be/Rid5sE93axA
https://youtu.be/Vh4lh9pjIhI

PS. That combination makes me cry – because I am tough.

It’s not the first time that I have had to be the support for someone that tragically lost someone abruptly. 15 years ago, this song would send Pam into a frenzy.

That summer I turned a corner in my soul

• by admin • In Country, Music, Nashville Sound •   0

On my way to work, Brooks & Dunn’s “Red Dirt Road” came on the radio and I stopped to listen to it for whatever reason. I heard a line in it that made me blush and think about it for the rest of the day.

I really don’t give myself that much credit but I appreciated the radios encouragement. At this point, I am thrilled that she knows who I am and cares enough to keep me company when I message her just to hear from her.

This song stayed on my mind until I had to post about it. Why did I stop on this song? Country is usually one of my last choices, but I am partial to early 90s country because of my grandparents. We would listen to it at their house during nap time. I grew up in a home daycare and I am quite sure that it is where I learned my first leadership skills.

I found this cover of the song interesting, but I am going to post the original also since it is the one I heard and then I am going to go a few more years back with another vague story that may serve a purpose one day.

Now that I have seen the video, I can’t stop watching it. That’s the kind of love that I want. I want to smile like that and I want to see her smile. Sometimes, I wonder if anyone noticed – when I used to go into this bakery that she used to work at. I would get stuffed beagles on my lunch break. I would usually take them to go, but I had to wait for them to be heated up. I always wondered what my facial expression looked like when I would hear her laugh in the back. I could feel my heart smile – so did anyone else notice? I saw her once when she was there, I acted like I didn’t. I was paying or walking in, I am not sure. Our lives are strange. Half the time I was nervous as hell. Right before I left to Guatemala, I stopped in there to tell her I was leaving. It was the only time I ever asked about her, the nice guy working told me that she had just left. That was one of the last times that I went in there.

A few years back, I was travelling to Shreveport for work and as I drove on I20 between Dallas and Louisiana, my radio stations would get interesting. There was a night that I stopped on this classic Garth Brooks song because of the first few lines. My brother and I have later talked about how dated the song is with a few lines, but for a country song, it is one of my favorites.

I had to share this guy’s version, because the rest just made me laugh – at the video and at myself. That’s one thing that draws me to her – the way that she makes be feel different than anyone ever has. I would have to describe it as quite feminine because I don’t know a better word. I have never been so interested in someone else. I feel myself giggle when I think about her. My heart skips a beat when she smiles at me – even if she is walking next to him.

I know you didn’t bring me out here to drown

• by admin • In Alternative rock, Country, Pop Rock, Post-Grunge, Soft Rock •   0

I’ve been having a really hard time lately. Its just been constant anxiety but I get through.  Today, I found out that my mom is in jail again for ‘simple assault’ for the 3rd fucking time.  I know that is not good but I can only hope that she gets the help that she needs.

On a completely unrelated note, my brother was singing to this song today and I fell in love with it.  Now I am back to what I would consider imaginary issues that are nearly non existent at this point.

Now he is playing a song that I have seen send people into a PTSD breakdown.

Since I fear death for everyone around me so badly lately, just hearing him sing it brings tears to my eyes and a deep pain in my heart.  My mother has suffered from alcoholism my entire life and all of my siblings have suffered from it in one way or another.  I may not have a problem with drinking too much but I do have deep seeded issues with alcoholics.

His play list is getting to sad for me and leaving me crying… The only songs that I know that hurt more are in my brother’s memorial video. I can never hear those songs without difficulty.

Fillin’ up my mind and emptying my heart

• by admin • In Country, Music •   0

I was driving on I-20 on my way to Shreveport for work when this next song caught my attention. It was only a few lines in and I was distracted. You may not know this but East Texas has a poor selection for music on the radio and I can only imagine that 11 pm isn’t the best time to search for good music. It was then that I decided that this was going to be one of the next songs that I learned to play on bass.

Garth Brooks “What She’s Doing Now”

Today, I presented it to my brother, he pointed out how it is so obviously out-dated. Despite the lack of modernism, I am still going to run with it. You actually can’t just look up anyone on facebook to see how they are doing all of the time.. if you ever want to make someone really miss you, delete your facebook, I suppose. We also discussed that numbers changing aren’t as common with cell phones either, but then again – I know plenty of people that have had several numbers in the last few years.. soo yes, in 1991 this song may have had a slightly different circumstance, it could still all hold true.