As I reread my text to her, I wonder if she notices the changed that I have made for her. It nearly too me 30 years to consider someone else’s feelings and I hope that I do an okay job of it.
Long before I ever discovered why I wasn’t invited places, she was going fishing somewhere south west of here. I threw the biggest fit over text about that. She said something like that I shouldn’t make her feel like shit just because she wanted to go an do something.
Those words cut so deep and I have tried to conscientiously be positive in all of my messages to her after that. It’s not always easy and I am sure that I am not always perfect at it but I am pretty sure that it is the first time that someone was ever able to get through to me like that.
I have had a history of making mistakes with my words. People think I am harsh, but I think the doctors call it anxiety. My medicine has helped me a lot. When my emotions don’t get out of control, I don’t seem to either.
The thought of hurting her is more that I can ignore. I hope that she understands where I’m coming from when I cause trouble. She has always been amazing at calming me down when I start to panic about whatever it is that I am making a big deal of at the time.
