It’s been a long few days and I am just holding my breath and trying not to worry about her. She has been on vacation for a few days and I am not really sure how long she will be gone. I can’t imagine that her work would let her off for very long. I was doing just fine and we were exchanging messages each morning and night and then at some point yesterday Tam started to worry about her and ask me questions – Tam doesn’t know how to be soft and gentle with me – so she just starts throwing it all out there and telling me about random cards she pulled about M – she doesn’t even know her but I guess I radiate enough energy, all of my friends practically believe that she is my future gf as much as I do – so they treat her as such.
She started asking me a lot of questions about her vacation that I just didn’t have the answers to. She asked me if she was in control or was along for the ride – told me they seemed lost or confused about their destination. She asked me who she was with and I knew none of it. I explained to her that I don’t ask most questions because I trust her to tell me what she wants to tell me and I never want to make her feel like she has to lie to me – so I would rather just not know.
When she didn’t get online last night after my emotions were stirred a little, I tried not to let it bother me. I was out with my friends but grew heavily distracted when I didn’t hear from her – I thought it was ridiculous so I tried not to think much of it or bother her with my concerns. Tam’s words were just all coming back to me and I started to wonder if there was any truth in it. A vacation where he and she are travelling by car is the last thing my nerves need right now, but instead of talking about the way I dig myself into emotional holes – I will just remain calm and watch vigilantly.
I have been tired all day, so I am going to try to get some sleep. The dogs woke me up around 6 AM and demanded my attention. As I walked them in my half asleep stuper, my dream replayed in my head.
It was enough to keep me up for a few minutes and against my better judgement, I sent her an email about it – expressing my deepest fears and opening the way that I know better than to do, but here I stand, believing that she is different than anyone else and I can stand defenseless and survive. Its nearly a masochistic test from an observers standpoint. It’s not one that most would commend or recommend.
My dream was quick or at least when I recall it, it equates to seconds. I can’t say that many of my dreams are from an outside perspective but this one started that way. She and I were talking in my alley way of the house that I used to live in. As we talked, we got closer to the street. I had no idea what we were saying, until I asked her if I could walk her home. That was most of my dream, the seconds in which she said No, that she had to go alone. It was more the way she shook her head, nearly in pain. It was the crack in her voice that would tell most that she was fighting back tears. I stood there and watched her walk away.
When I woke up, my heart was racing, there was a lump in my throat and I got up to take the dogs out, because even though I didn’t realize why I had felt that way at the time, I knew there was no laying down and going right back to sleep after that. There is something disheartening about finding math in everything – it leaves you paranoid. I think that is what the movie, The Number 23 is all about. You start to see patterns and probably make up things that aren’t even there. I hate it. I refuse to do the math most times, but due to that mental math that was drilled into my head, a lot of times, I can’t even help but do the math.
I emailed her before trying to lay down and do to sleep, because there is nothing like showing the lady you love that your brain doesn’t quite work right and you’re pretty much special needs at this point – but luckily for me, I am sure that she is well aware.
You know, I am just going to change this up a bit before I go to bed. There is a song that I haven’t hear in a while and though it is old, the first time I ever heard it, was in the last 6 or so years.. I know that there is so documentation about it somewhere, because I didn’t keep my thoughts to myself. I was pulling up at work when the song came on. I sat in my car and listened to the whole thing and declared my feelings immediately following – for the 1000th time I am sure. I mean – what if she didn’t know..
Last night, I fell asleep after listening to Elton John’s “Your Song” and then had my second vivid dream in a row. I’m going to start keeping a record of my dreams in case I ever want to go back and reference them in the future. In the past, when I have had dreams like this, I have always felt that turned out to be quite significant. There is a difference between a normal dream that can be about anything and then the dreams that I have that I often confuse with reality for a moment or two, this was one of those dreams.
The dream started in my bedroom with a close friend of mine, and suddenly changed tones with a guy that I knew as Skyler came in to interrupt and scold my friend for being there claiming that her partner would not appreciate it. She was quite defensive and he was obnoxious, she ended up leaving to go talk to said partner but returned shortly there after.
We spend most of the dream walking around and talking.
At some point, when I was alone, I was at walmart and I saw a large smartphone just sitting there on a shelf, so I picked it up and went to go turn it in to an employee. The employee pretty much implied that I might as well take it because if I turned it in, an employee would just take it home and assured me that it would never make it back to its original owner. I can’t say that I would do this in real life, but I put it in my bag and continued on.
Later in my dream, I attempted to give it to my friend, because I knew that she was unsatisfied with her current phone. There was a crack in the screen across the top by this point, which hadn’t been there originally. Somehow we never made it to her using the phone because I had all intentions of wiping it clean for her but then I somehow lost the phone myself.
We walked through a town square of a town that I was not familiar with. There were people painting murals on the walls and we watched for a moment as we passed through.
At one point, we ended up at Walmart ourselves, together, but I couldn’t tell you why we were there or what we were doing. Every time we would get somewhere and it was time to split up and go our separate ways, she would always come with me and walk me home. We stayed together almost the entire dream.
The last part that I can remember, was us sitting on the top of a train car. It reminded me of a open car that we had in my grandparents Lionel train set.
It looked like this one but it was life sized, we sat in it like a canoe, maybe that wouldn’t make it really life sized but we fit in it, one behind the other.
When I looked up this photo to give an example, I found out it was called a Gondola, which is funny because I kept saying it was kind of like a canoe but a train car..
We were sitting on ropes that were wrapped up in a circle and one must have fallen off because it started to unroll. I warned her to be careful and that is the last that I remember of the dream.
She argued with this guy, Skyler, that seemed to know her partner, explaining that we were not hiding anything from anyone nor doing anything wrong. She was really upset during this conversation and that is why she left. The next time I saw her, it was not at the house, which seemed to be my brother’s house and Skyler was my brother’s roommate. As it all happened, I could remember the first time that I had met this fictional Skyler person. I told her that I had met him at this guy Mike V’s house back when I was in high school. His appearance, Skyler, seems to be one of the most vivid images from the dream, besides the train. He had dark hair that was cut in an emo type way. He was so worried about what everyone else was doing and wouldn’t drop it.
In my posts, while recording my dreams, I will add excerpts from information that I find. Over 10 years ago, maybe even 15 by now, I had a friend online that lived in Portugal. She was so intrigued by my dreams, she would always encourage me to tell her and she would then help me pick them apart and analyze them.
The meaning of the name Skyler: Dutch meaning: Guarded; scholar, learned one. American meaning: The Sky.
Gondola
To see or ride in a gondola in your dream refers to romance, fantasy, and idealistic love. Things are going well in your relationship or some aspect of your waking life. Alternatively, a gondola indicates your need to take time off and go off on an adventure.
Touchscreen
To see or use a touchscreen in your dream implies that you need to take a more active or more hands-on approach in order to move forward in some endeavor.
Shopping
To dream that you are shopping symbolizes your needs and desires. It also represents opportunities and options that you come across in life. Consider what you are shopping for and what needs you are try to fulfill. In particular, to dream that you are shopping for food and groceries signifies your hidden attempt to buy the attention of others. If you are shopping for clothes, then it suggests that you are trying to put forth a new image.
Edit: 7/25/2019
I reread this dream after remembering it during my lunch break today due to another dream that could not be ignored. I realized that I totally missed the rope – that has got to be significant.
To see a rope in your dream represents your connection and attachment to others. It is symbolic of what is holding your relationship together. Alternatively, a rope signifies bondage, restriction and captivity.
To dream that you are walking on a rope indicates that you are in a very precarious situation. You need to proceed carefully and weigh all the pros and cons of your decisions.
To dream that you are tied up in ropes suggests that you are letting your heart guide you, despite your better judgment.
We were out to dinner, eating a very nice burger and fries, when this song distracted me from our conversation. I said something small and tried to act like my life wasn’t completely consumed by my feelings for her. People like when you can play it cool.. I smiled, I’m sure she knew… Now I keep replaying it in my head and thinking about her..
