The song that I am adding tonight is more of a compilation of the past, not complete relevant currently but I love it so it is the night’s theme.

I would imagine I mentioned in my last entry that I got a huge splinter, passed out a few times and was taken to the hospital by a friend – in the middle of the Covid-19 shit, which I can’t even stand the word so I only type it for clarity. I had to get a tetanus shot and the spot still hurts on my arm. I guess it had been about a day and a half now but today I start getting a terrible head ache as the rain came in. I reminded myself it could be allergies, it could be pressure change – but of course IT COULD BE COVID-19!

This shit is crap because everyone is all over the place about it. My county is up to 42 cases which statistically sounds really small mathematically, but I remind myself that those are confirmed cases and everything just seemed to always be changing so I can’t even believe anything. I am just staying home and going to the grocery story every few weeks when my dad can take me. A few people have been coming over to my house, but I guess I will see how that ends up for me. Going to the hospital is the move that I would not have made if I could help if and its more than embarrassing that I went for a splinter, but I was freaking the fuck out.

The more I thought about it – this would have never happened when I was poor before I had health insurance. If my brother was home, when I passed out, he would have removed it – saving me the hospital visit, the $150 co pay and possibly any infectious diseases I could have contracted from walking through those doors. But he was not – and the person around me was not someone I need performing medical tasks on my sleeping body, so to the dirty hospital we go. It was actually completely empty. I was screened at the door. It was the fastest visit I have ever had – so around here we are actually doing pretty good compared to most people.

When checking the news, it says 4 people remain hospitalized and 10 have recovered. There were some tents set up to the side of our hospital and from what I understood from people later is that is where they had the Covid-19 patients at. The problem was that I only had ibuprofen at my house and I read some crap that it could cause complications if you were to get the virus – so just to be safe I didn’t want to take it but after my head ache was throbbing and I decided I was more likely to be having side effects to the tetanus shot than anything else, I took the medicine, talked to the woman I love and cried sweetly to her about how much extra attention I needed – and thankfully the medicine kicked in and started working because I am the worst when it comes to feeling bad. I used to get sick a lot but now that I have changed jobs, I really haven’t been sick at all. I had been working in the same building for 15 years before – there is no telling what was going on in that old moldy thing.

On to the song, an internet friend of mine, Bree, of which I met around 2004, introduced me to Doria Roberts. The song tonight comes from her album, Restoration and is the only one I have actually listened to but to my completionist partner, she will be happy to know that I listed to it from start to finish many times. And note to future self; I meant future partner – just slips sometimes. That woman I love. whatever it is that I should say.

Before the song starts, I want to say that she was more like 1000 miles away – but I survived somehow and she came back and my life is so much fuller with her in it. She is currently six blocks away in the least creepy way of saying that, which is less than half of a mile according to the internet. I just want to run to her. I haven’t seen her in so long – but I remind myself – I am lucky to have her in my life and then I continue being grateful, but today I was feeling so sick, scared and alone, it was pretty bad. She found a way to comfort me. I have never believed in metaphysics more in my life.

Basically, I hope she is my twin flame. I’m not even scared.

Doria Roberts – Nothing Sold, Nothing Bought (1999)