This morning I woke up in a panic, wondering when that Tool concert was. I sent her a quick message, telling her to avoid Tool concerts because they were a trap and then I had to go to my computer to look up when they would actually be near and I couldn’t have surprised myself more – the show was tonight. So I proceeded to over think it all day and work myself up.

There is far too much to say about why I was absolutely crushed when I heard that Tool was going on tour. I never even looked up the dates so I have no idea how I was able to pinpoint it to the day but maybe it was just the way it felt. I am quite experienced with this pattern – I just hate it so much.

After driving around late at night, I heard a familiar song that took me back to a night in 2014 that felt so much more painful. I thought about how I convinced myself that there was no way that I would run into them in so many people. The moment I turned around from waiting for the tram with the people that I was with only to see them right there. I panicked then too and started walking back to the car, knowing they were following me the whole way. Those days are over and I just have to make sure they do not continue to repeat, I don’t think that either of us can take much more of this. I will fight for her in the softest ways I know how.