I used to have this problem with jealousy and I would end up acting pretty controlling without it being brought to my attention. When I see it with other people, it is the worst and angers me to no end, so I did everything I could to stop that behavior. For several years, I thought it was gone. I was complacent about everything but never jealous.
I realized why is vanished for a while and it was directly related to my lack of passion in life at the time. When my passion resurfaced, so did the negative feelings that went with it. Then I spent the next half of a decade trying to figure everything out and I have made a lot of progress – but these last few weeks or even months have really reminded me that its not the initial feelings that I can control but how I react to it.
So at this point, if I think something that I know is stupid and I shouldn’t say, I try my best to keep it to myself or at least express that I am not thrilled with my feelings despite having them. Hopefully she can tell the difference.. I used to be a real handful. Then a crazy woman and some kids broke me and in my journey back to the surface, her smile kept me going. It was nearly a year ago when she contacted me. I couldn’t even tell you what day but I was already aware of the lay off but that was only 2 weeks in. When I felt like I was being buried alive, she extended her hand when I least expected it. I have my theories but I never ask. My life is a better place with her in it, so I really should learn to stop concerning myself with my fears and to look forward for once. I keep trying. She makes it easier.