I don’t know why my emotions are running so hard or why I choose to read things that will naturally make me cry. If I was trying to distract myself from how badly I want to be her girlfriend and just… shake this fear I can’t get past – it worked, for a minute, but now that I am alone and crying softly at 4 AM in the morning, I want to be held even more.

This is one of the last things my little brother said to me before he passed away in July of that year. It haunts my entire family and its hurting more than usual.

Reading over that message from him just made me breakdown. It’s not very often that I just want to curl up and cry but today its pouring down. I don’t even want her to know how bad I am hurting so I hope that I can conceal it well enough.

My dog seems to be bothered by my crying. She is circling and staring and I feel bad for even inconveniencing my pup at all.

I keep getting stuck in a conversation with myself about what if she thinks I am acting different for a reason that is not why. Why I am acting like anything? I don’t know. I am terrified in life. Maybe it’s really related to me not taking my medicine. I am sure that I am not. Since I have been working from home, my daily routine is all thrown off. Its been about a month and a half by now and I don’t even know how many times I have taken it. I know that I ran out of one of them a good while ago – maybe that’s why I can’t sleep. In high school, I had issues sleeping. I struggled with my dreams bothering me but I can’t even place what they were that was so bad.

Beware of the flood of Rob Thomas that is about to spill over: