I will bring my heart
I will bring my face
You name the time and place

-Ani DiFranco

A few days ago, I realized that I had not written in some time – possibly since I donated blood and passed out in September, but I didn’t stop to confirm that fact. The reason might be that things are going really well for me and for whatever superstitious reason, I feel that I should not write about or talk about things that are going well – just like with any new opportunity that surfaces, I feel like if I am outwardly excited about it – it probably won’t happen, so I guess you can say I have been trying to contain myself.

Loom (1998)

There were moments that I could feel myself start to grow jealous and hopefully it was not outwardly apparent and she just knows me that well, but she always has a way of being the most reassuring and supportive person in my life. I constantly embarrass myself in front of her – trying to be the most open and transparent person possible – and she always warms my heart in the end and makes it totally worth it.

I think that I came here to say that I am thankful for where I am in my life. I’ve grown a lot in the last several years and I feel that I am stronger and more mature for it. There is a reason that I have not had to write much and it’s completely good.

On that note – when I was about 17 years old, I worked at Subway in a gas station. There was this clerk named Rochelle at the gas station that claimed to be a psychic. Eventually out of boredom, I let her read my palm. She had asked me a few questions that seemed to really be on point regarding my grandpa and I started to take her seriously. She said other things that I do not remember anymore but the one thing that I could not agree with was that she said that I would settle down when I was in my mid 30s. I had completely forgotten that conversation and it came back to me on my way to work this morning. At the time I thought I was hot shit and thought it would be impossible for me to be single into my 30s..

Meet – my mid 30s.

Tonight, my grandma gave me a Sony FM/AM walkman and I was messing with it when I stumbled across this song programming presets. I have never heard it but I am willing to bet it is by the same person that sings “Lost Boys” but modern music is not my specialty.

There happens to be someone that I know doesn’t need my help, but I can’t help but be touched by songs like this. She’s actually my hero.

Rescue (2018)

Also, I was completely wrong about this singer – it is not this person at all. This song is kind of strange and I am not really sure what it is about but I enjoy it until I am left with this puzzling feeling that the song might not be about what I think it is.

Lost Boy (2015)

I just want her to be my Peter pan. I’ve always felt more like a Michael Darling.