Soft Rock

Soft rock is a popular music genre that originated in the early 1970s in southern California. The style smoothed over the edges of singer-songwriter and pop, relying on simple, melodic songs with big, lush productions.

Your basic average super star

• by admin • In Alternative rock, Indie Folk, Music, Rock, Soft Rock •   0

This song ended just as I pulled up to my house after work. I let it resonate for a moment and I was taken back to nearly a year ago.

Before I get into that, I will mention that I have a friend because he liked the line above, the title to this post, that I have on my facebook page – and he met me in an Ani DiFranco but didn’t recognize it. I suppose it is hard to know all of her songs. So far I think I have covered her first 5 albums from start to finish and I plan to continue but I am moving through them as I read her book and so far they seem to match up and it gives me a deep sense of understand that I couldn’t appreciate more.

Twenty years ago, I was learning about feminism. I feel like I have taught a lot of people a lot but things started getting out of control and feminists started getting a bad name. I have admitted to being sexist and have tried really hard to work on that character flaw and I believe that I have come along way but this song reminds me why things are different this time.

People that have always identified as lesbian probably understand my little lesbian brain that I have yet to fully comprehend. It is so much deeper that the surface and that’s why I don’t let anyone’s critical remarks get to me.

Before my brother met her, he would give me a hard time. He has asked me – so what is so great about SaidLady and we usually have some generic discussion about it – but he is as stubborn and judgmental as they come. There was a point, years ago, that he tried to be really sensitive and explain to me that she might just not be into me. He was completely sincere and was trying to help but it wasn’t long before I felt like I understood why she said what she said that day she told me not to talk about her to my friends.

I feel its a level of maturity that I had not reached yet and then I am reminded it’s probably because we live in this tiny town and I know everyone – that’s not quite true but I am getting there. There’s no telling why that conversation was had but I have done my best to never talk about her but once in a while a smile will be followed by her name in some matter – always her first name, it could be anyone.. that same anyone – all of the time, so a few people this I am insane and I could care less. The activist that is typically in an altered state finds it absolutely adorable – she is one that I had to tell that I was in love with someone else. I think I used that excuse over 10 times when people thought they wanted to get close to me. Anyone that is in it for the right reason will back off real fast – but I have found, when someone just wants your money, attention and children skills, they could care less if you are in love with someone else.

She asked me to hang out the day that I bought the Placebo Album, Sleeping with Ghosts at Kiss n Fly or whatever Sundance was at that moment in time. I met 2 friends and went to the sandwich shop next door when I unexpectedly walked right up to C to order. I nervously over-tipped him and then my awkward friend, L, did too. He brought us jalapeno poppers so he must like me… but we were not tough enough to eat them anyway.

It was a great gesture, especially since I had found an emotion that I did not know existed – what was it? I still don’t know. How do people in the military feel when they come in contact with enemy civilians? I feel like it was something like that. You just look at them, can’t help but make eye contact. Try to make the interaction as brief as possible and hope no one gets killed – what emotion is that?

Even heroes have to right to bleed

• by admin • In Soft Rock •   0

The other night, I had a dream about her again. I didn’t write about it at the time because it may have been the following night after I had the dream about driving around with Matt and I just wanted to calm the fuck down. I try not to wander into the wrong places in life so often.

In my dream about her, she was doing something – presenting to a group. I can not even place it. We were all sitting in a circle on stools of some sort. She may have been painting. She may have been cooking. At the time I was aware of what we were watching. I sat like a stranger in the group. At the time, I knew that it had to be that way.

Mid – whatever we were learning, she smiled at me and I know that my life froze in the best way possible. I don’t remember much else from the dream. There were about 5 other people in the group besides us. They were all to my right.

Last that day I got in a conversation with a trans-man friend of mine. I suppose he is more than just a friend, he is my ex girlfriend from about 2004, so we go way back. He was expressing his struggles with finding decent people to date. He has usually found himself in very small towns, growing up in Southern Oklahoma – he has dealt with a lot.

The more he spoke, the more I realized I can empathize a lot. Lately, I have grown complacent to being misgendered, almost to the point that I am I unphased when my name is spelled wrong – I decide that is my fault and move on.

One reason that I think that I am so passionate about our friendship is that I truly believe she is one of the only people in my life that truly accepts me and when you have lived your entire life on the outside looking in, it is really nice to finally meet someone that accepts you and doesn’t just tolerate you. Up until this point in life, I was thrilled with people tolerating me and trying to understand – it was a lot better than the alternate.

Confusion on the ground

• by admin • In Alternative rock, Grammy Nominee, Heartland rock, Soft Rock •   0

You know what they say about assuming.. I embarrass myself more than I would like to admit, but luckily for me, I really don’t open up to many people, so there isn’t a ton of opportunities. I feel like I need to put my friend on a payroll for all the shit she puts up with from me.

When I was younger, I would get confused.  Confused between really caring about someone as a friend and being in love with them.  Maybe I never for past it.  How do I know if I am attracted to someone as a person or more?  The good thing is, I would much rather a good friend than a girlfriend, because I just don’t trust relationships or love.  I tried it once or twice and it didn’t work out that well for me.

Last night, I had a weird dream.  I thought that it was real but never asked anyone – but I am sure it was not. In my dream, Maddison called me.  She said, “You’re not going to like this, but my girlfriend has something to say.” and then handed the phone to someone.  Then a more masculine chick got on the phone and said something like. “Yeah, girlfriend, did you hear that?  Stay away from my…” and then I hung up.  In my dream, I knew that it was Sarah.  I did get pissed off because, what the fuck.  I was really mad, but who knows why.  I get really sad when people don’t trust me.. but then I guess I see why.

I went to some Kid Fish with my nieces and nephew today.  It was on river road and there were a million people there.  I had terrible reception but managed to exchange a few important messages.  Tomorrow will mark a month since I left work.  I don’t think that I could ever work from home.  I need an escape and a distraction.  My mind has really played some tricks on me and I just wish I knew how to apologize properly.

She wanted to help me and I am a complicated mess that needs to learn when to stop.

Yet another song that I did not know before playing it. These electronics…

But somebody stole my silver shoes

• by admin • In Folk Rock, Grammy Nominee, Heartland rock, Music, Rock, Soft Rock, Soul music •   0

It’s not every day that I hear a new Melissa Etheridge song – she’s like my fuckin’ idol.

I feel like there was just an Eminem reference in regards to Melissa Etheridge and there’s just something wrong about that.

The Internet thought I needed a few new songs in my playlist.

But if you break down
I’ll drive out and find you
If you forget my love
I’ll try to remind you
And stay by you when it don’t come easy

The most interesting thing about this post is that I have never heard these songs before, listened to them back to back and didn’t plan them at all.  YouTube Conspiracy.

Correct me when I’m wrong.  Point me in the right direction, I will listen.  

It didn’t stop there.  I paused this video 55 seconds because I don’t appreciate the way that these songs are talking to me.  I wish that I were more confident in… something.  I am not used to being so confused about my feelings that I am quite sure about.  I guess, I don’t know what’s welcomed, expected or okay.  More-so I am concerned that I should be concerned – its all a perplexing feeling I have had for a while.

But I don’t need the same

• by admin • In Alternative rock, Folk Rock, Music, Pop Rock, Rock, Soft Rock •   0

When I was watching the news today, I saw coverage on a fatal shooting that happened out in Hills of Hays.  I guess it’s a pretty big deal – but the news clip reminded me about what exactly I feared.  The clip was talking about warning signs of domestic violence and I am sure part if it goes along with caring about her so much and wanting the best for her, but I have always feared that I would ignore obvious red flags just because I didn’t want to be too pushy or over step anything.  I remind myself that I could be paranoid because of the way I grew up with my parents.  My dad was subject to physical, emotional and mental abuse for as long as I can remember.  He kept trying to help my mom because he loved her and she was his kids’ mother.   I had not been around that type of manipulation in a long time, so I forgot what it was like until Maddie started treating me like I owed her everything and she could tell me what I could and couldn’t do.  It just made it all so much more real for me.  I realized that as much as I said I would never let anyone tell me what to do – there I was, following orders even though I didn’t agree.  Everyone would tell me to get the fuck out and I knew that I needed to but it wasn’t that easy.  It wasn’t that easy at all.  The harder it was for me and honestly, I am not completely free from it yet but I am trying really hard to distance myself as much as possible until she moves, but it made me realize that it could happen to anyone and that my fears weren’t that far fetched.  A few people really sat me down and talked to me about things when they observed concerning behaviors and it helped me some.  It really took her behavior with this other girl to finally upset me enough to not want to be part of any of it at all.  I don’t know why I am rambling on at this point but it’s important to me to say that I can handle anything and I’m not scared – ultimately. I cherish our friendship.

Here’s a random cute song to counteract that.

‘

How and why would the YouTube play a song like this next:

If I were tough, these songs would not frequent my playlist.

And one of my favorite songs of all time

And scars are souvenirs you never lose
The past is never far

This is a girl girl thing

• by admin • In Blue-Eyed Soul, Grammy Nominee, Heartland rock, Indie Folk, Music, Soft Rock •   0

Tonight was Lez Prom.  Months ago, I was under the impression I was going, then she was taking the new girl, then she said I was the back up if the new girl didn’t want to go – and then she ended up taking her best friend because she thinks I want to get back with her.  She doesn’t understand when I feel disrespected and used, she thinks that I am jealous, but really, I just don’t want to watch her kids so that she can go out with someone.

She ended up getting drunk and asking her best friend to take her to the new girl’s house.  The best friend texted me asking if I was up because she was crying because Maddison was being a bitch to her and didn’t give a fuck about her feelings. It’s pretty bad when you exes best friend confides in you because she’s so mean.

It was nice to not care in the least.  I expected to feel a little left out, but instead, I went to a friends house and helped them pack.  I couldn’t keep M off my mind or the few words that meant more than I could imagine.   I woke up feeling stronger than ever.  I’ve resisted saying much to her, because I am sure that her situation is quite sensitive and I want to be aware so that I don’t cause any trouble.

My friends used to joke that the only way to get me to clean my house was to say that M was coming over.  It was a running joke, apparently I don’t give a fuck quite often.. and then there she was.  Everything else disappeared.  Either way, I feel like cleaning my room and have been doing a great job.. I guess I just don’t want her to ever see what a mess I can be – but I am sure that she is quite aware.

Sometimes I wonder when you sleep
Are you ever dreaming of me?
Sometimes when I look into your eyes
I pretend you’re mine, all the damn time
‘Cause I like you

Oh my life is changing everyday

• by admin • In Country, Grammy Nominee, Music, Pop, Pop Rock, Rap Rock, Rock, Soft Rock •   0

Since it was Valentine’s day, I spent time with the woman that I love most – my grandma. On the way to her house, I heard a song on the radio that caught my attention. It was about half way through the song when I realized that it must be called “In The Air Tonight” by Phil Collins, because I recognized a line that took me back to “Stan” by Eminiem. It’s funny that I have watched the movie “Kids” and related this song to Eminiem.. it’s just unexpected to learn anything from Marshall Mathers.

I really have no idea what that song is about but the first few lines spoke to me, then I realized it was the song that was referenced in “Stan” and I have always loved that song. I used to watch the “Guilty Conscience” video way too often too.

Today, when I was talking about going to see a friend after I left her house – she said, “That’s something you have a lot of – friends, that’s really good.” She married when she was 16 years old. She feels like she missed out on a lot in life – and I know that having her own personal friends is one of them. She is a twin so if it wasn’t her sister, it was her husband. She has no idea how much my friends help me get through. There are moments when I feel like no one cares and no one understands and that everything is pointless – and just at the right moment, someone steps back in my life and reminds me that I am worth it.. and that everything is just circumstantial. It makes a big difference. Never underestimate how much a few words might help someone on such a deep level.

When this video came out, I thought that it was so great. My life has changed a little, however, it is still entertaining.

The next song that I paid attention to while driving to my grandma’s house was The Cranberries.

Then I came home and my brother was singing a personal favorite of ours.