Pop rock is rock music with a greater emphasis on professional songwriting and recording craft, and less emphasis on attitude. Originating in the 1950s as an alternative to rock and roll, early pop rock was influenced by the beat, arrangements, and style of rock and roll.
I’ve been having a really hard time lately. Its just been constant anxiety but I get through. Today, I found out that my mom is in jail again for ‘simple assault’ for the 3rd fucking time. I know that is not good but I can only hope that she gets the help that she needs.
On a completely unrelated note, my brother was singing to this song today and I fell in love with it. Now I am back to what I would consider imaginary issues that are nearly non existent at this point.
Now he is playing a song that I have seen send people into a PTSD breakdown.
Since I fear death for everyone around me so badly lately, just hearing him sing it brings tears to my eyes and a deep pain in my heart. My mother has suffered from alcoholism my entire life and all of my siblings have suffered from it in one way or another. I may not have a problem with drinking too much but I do have deep seeded issues with alcoholics.
His play list is getting to sad for me and leaving me crying… The only songs that I know that hurt more are in my brother’s memorial video. I can never hear those songs without difficulty.
Last night, I fell asleep after listening to Elton John’s “Your Song” and then had my second vivid dream in a row. I’m going to start keeping a record of my dreams in case I ever want to go back and reference them in the future. In the past, when I have had dreams like this, I have always felt that turned out to be quite significant. There is a difference between a normal dream that can be about anything and then the dreams that I have that I often confuse with reality for a moment or two, this was one of those dreams.
The dream started in my bedroom with a close friend of mine, and suddenly changed tones with a guy that I knew as Skyler came in to interrupt and scold my friend for being there claiming that her partner would not appreciate it. She was quite defensive and he was obnoxious, she ended up leaving to go talk to said partner but returned shortly there after.
We spend most of the dream walking around and talking.
At some point, when I was alone, I was at walmart and I saw a large smartphone just sitting there on a shelf, so I picked it up and went to go turn it in to an employee. The employee pretty much implied that I might as well take it because if I turned it in, an employee would just take it home and assured me that it would never make it back to its original owner. I can’t say that I would do this in real life, but I put it in my bag and continued on.
Later in my dream, I attempted to give it to my friend, because I knew that she was unsatisfied with her current phone. There was a crack in the screen across the top by this point, which hadn’t been there originally. Somehow we never made it to her using the phone because I had all intentions of wiping it clean for her but then I somehow lost the phone myself.
We walked through a town square of a town that I was not familiar with. There were people painting murals on the walls and we watched for a moment as we passed through.
At one point, we ended up at Walmart ourselves, together, but I couldn’t tell you why we were there or what we were doing. Every time we would get somewhere and it was time to split up and go our separate ways, she would always come with me and walk me home. We stayed together almost the entire dream.
The last part that I can remember, was us sitting on the top of a train car. It reminded me of a open car that we had in my grandparents Lionel train set.
It looked like this one but it was life sized, we sat in it like a canoe, maybe that wouldn’t make it really life sized but we fit in it, one behind the other.
When I looked up this photo to give an example, I found out it was called a Gondola, which is funny because I kept saying it was kind of like a canoe but a train car..
We were sitting on ropes that were wrapped up in a circle and one must have fallen off because it started to unroll. I warned her to be careful and that is the last that I remember of the dream.
She argued with this guy, Skyler, that seemed to know her partner, explaining that we were not hiding anything from anyone nor doing anything wrong. She was really upset during this conversation and that is why she left. The next time I saw her, it was not at the house, which seemed to be my brother’s house and Skyler was my brother’s roommate. As it all happened, I could remember the first time that I had met this fictional Skyler person. I told her that I had met him at this guy Mike V’s house back when I was in high school. His appearance, Skyler, seems to be one of the most vivid images from the dream, besides the train. He had dark hair that was cut in an emo type way. He was so worried about what everyone else was doing and wouldn’t drop it.
In my posts, while recording my dreams, I will add excerpts from information that I find. Over 10 years ago, maybe even 15 by now, I had a friend online that lived in Portugal. She was so intrigued by my dreams, she would always encourage me to tell her and she would then help me pick them apart and analyze them.
The meaning of the name Skyler: Dutch meaning: Guarded; scholar, learned one. American meaning: The Sky.
Gondola
To see or ride in a gondola in your dream refers to romance, fantasy, and idealistic love. Things are going well in your relationship or some aspect of your waking life. Alternatively, a gondola indicates your need to take time off and go off on an adventure.
Touchscreen
To see or use a touchscreen in your dream implies that you need to take a more active or more hands-on approach in order to move forward in some endeavor.
Shopping
To dream that you are shopping symbolizes your needs and desires. It also represents opportunities and options that you come across in life. Consider what you are shopping for and what needs you are try to fulfill. In particular, to dream that you are shopping for food and groceries signifies your hidden attempt to buy the attention of others. If you are shopping for clothes, then it suggests that you are trying to put forth a new image.
Edit: 7/25/2019
I reread this dream after remembering it during my lunch break today due to another dream that could not be ignored. I realized that I totally missed the rope – that has got to be significant.
To see a rope in your dream represents your connection and attachment to others. It is symbolic of what is holding your relationship together. Alternatively, a rope signifies bondage, restriction and captivity.
To dream that you are walking on a rope indicates that you are in a very precarious situation. You need to proceed carefully and weigh all the pros and cons of your decisions.
To dream that you are tied up in ropes suggests that you are letting your heart guide you, despite your better judgment.
It had been a good while since I had talked to her last. Almost exactly a month, because the first day that I hung out with the gf, I told her about how I had gotten drunk the night before. I am way too honest. I explained why I was upset, what I said and how she didn’t say much. She reassured me the next day but then we didn’t talk again until this weekend. This song came on in my dad’s truck sometime last week. It reminded me that I probably… that I won’t be going to visit her next month as I had planned.. its about 2 weeks away. It’s been three years. My new girlfriend was helping me clean my room.. and mentioned my calendar that is left on July 2013.. These are the moments that get me in trouble.
A few nights ago, I had a dream that I haven’t told anyone about. It was almost like if I just didn’t talk about it. It would just go away. Somehow that approach to things never works as well as it sounds. There is a song that hear on the radio and each time I do.. i think about the dream. This is where I must add some explanation.
From what I can remember, my dream started like a pretty standard night for me. I was pulling up to my mailbox to check the mail on the way home. This night was unlike most, because it was much colder than normal. I was wearing a heavy leather jacket and I could feel the cold on my face as I leaned over my passenger side seat, which for me is more like climbing, and reached for the mail. As I stuck my hand towards the back of the mail box to reach something that had been pushed all the way back of my mail box, I glanced up to see someone looking at me as he walked by. My immediate reaction was to ask if he needed a ride, as it was someone I recognized.. and I did. It was not something that I gave a second thought or even had a chance to consider what the next few minutes could be like. He hesitantly accepted the offer.
I pulled up a little in front of my mail boxes and he got in my car and pointed in the direction that he was going. I nodded and turned the radio back up slightly. It felt like forever and I was burning up in my jacket. The drive felt pretty real as I acted as if I was following his directions.. but I knew exactly where he lived. I never said a word, tried my hardest to keep a straight face as I drove. Most of the time I used the cold and the exaggeration of how cold it was to mask my facial expressions. I wasn’t sure what he would see, but I knew that it would be something.
This was fresh on my mind today as I drove to the store to get dinner. The Sublime song came on again and I just drifted off into thinking about that dream, my thoughts and how I felt. My heart races, I was so nervous, and of what. There were moments when I thought that this is how people get murdered.. Then I realized that he probably had no clue at all. What surprised me the most – is that the emotions that I was trying so hard to hide were shame and guilt. What would have I said if I would have said something? As I pulled up to the store, I thought about a lot of things.
When I went inside… I could have sworn that I saw her. There in line – checking out. My heart stopped and I froze. I was never quite sure but I walked away… What would I say to her?
I have felt like crying for weeks. This isn’t helping any. In a few weeks I will be turning 31 and I have never felt older. My youngest brother would be turning 26 this year. He hasn’t even been gone but a few months and everything has started to fall apart. I often wonder what he would think if he could see us right now.. He would say.. ‘Damn, they really did care about me.’ It all has made me sick.
and for the song that wouldn’t stay out of my dreams and keeps taking me back to them…
In watching both videos, I am quite sure that I did not mention how the dream ended. I pulled up to her house, parked where I normally would and glanced at him as he thanked me. I was just trying my best at this point at hiding my feelings of despair, defeat and some things that I’m just not used to. I drove away, trying not to cry, as I had many times before.
Why do I even care if T told me happy birthday before she did… She surprised me last year and I’m still holding my breathe.. and fighting my urge for pizza… and failing. I wonder if I piss her off… or could she find it romantic too? I’ve never feel like this before.
I want to learn how to make videos like this:
I wouldn’t dare tell anyone else that I downloaded Premiere… and stared at it for a minute. It was almost as overwhelming. How did this happen?
It amazes me – how the mind works. How do is it that over 10 years after I graduated, I start thinking about how he was moved into my algebra I class half way through the year in 7th grade with a bunch of other guys. Our class was all female before that. That was the first time he interrupted my energy.. They sat in the back at this long table. Why do I think about these things?
Internal battles are something else. I try to stay away from lifehouse, since, you know, I don’t want to get beat up – but it’s pretty much how I feel today. The only thing that I want to do is spend time with her.
