This is a list of rock music genres consisting of subgenres of popular music that have roots in 1940s’ and 1950s’ rock and roll, and which developed into a distinct identity as rock music in the 1960s, particularly in the United Kingdom and the United States.
I woke up and started crying within 20 minutes. Today seems extra sensitive. I took a walk to clear my mind and just cried more. She is such a big part of my life and i miss her so much. Today, i am less tough.
Feels like reckless driving when we’re talking
It’s fun while it lasts, and it’s faster than walking
But no one’s going to sympathize when we crash
They’ll say “you hit what you head for, you get what you ask”
and we’ll say we didn’t know, we didn’t even try
one minute there was road beneath us, the next just sky
The thing about keeping great records, digital ones at that, is that it is easy to cross reference them when needed. Today marks 2 years since a difficult day in my life. That day happens to be the day that I started this site, as a way to deal with the situation. It looks like it was the next day or so that I was at work, ended up talking to someone that made me a little sad on the phone.. then my boss jumped down my throat and made me cry on a call.. That will be 2 years ago Monday. In my opinion, I handled it very well. That call was one call before my lunch, I remember it quite well. The call after that is the one that I actually started to cry during, barely, but everything had just been building up. I logged out when it was time to go to lunch, I walked right up to my boss and told her that I was going to the doctor and that I would be back the next day.
In the past, I had been on anxiety medicine, and at some time around when my middle niece was born, about 3 and a half years ago, I had stopped taking it. With everything that had transpired and how much I was reacting to everything around me, I knew that it was something that I needed in my life. In retrospect, this site serves as a record of my progress in the last 2 years. Since then, I have been promoted at work. I on my 8th training class and somehow I have gained the trust and understanding of the woman that I have fallen in love with. I feel that way anyway. It’s a huge deal to me because I tend to keep everyone in my life at a safe distance, but something tells me that she is different.. and I enjoy every minute of it.
When I was coming home from my friend’s house tonight, I drove by her old house for the first time since she had left. I just kind of turned when I really didn’t have to. My heart felt a little lighter when I saw his car in the drive way. I’m uncertain why I can’t bring myself to just ask her a few things. My imagination had been playing with combinations and statistical realities.. Most people that know me, know that I would wait 2 more years for her without thinking twice.. and hate it – I’m not sure why. Those act like I am selling myself short and that no one should wait for anyone.. Then the other reactions that I get are more sincere in my eyes, I can’t tell you how much I like it when someone reacts the opposite and confirms that it’s incredibly romantic. There’s a handful of close friends that know just how I feel. They see my face when I talk to her. My attempt to smile as she leaves. It’s nice when someone actually understands you. It seems to be so rare lately.
While stumbling around the YouTube.. I found this gem:
These are not songs that I willingly listened to, but sometimes my rock star brother sets my play list for the day without any input from myself. I thought that we were going to play some Jimmy Buffett but now I am listening to 38 Special coming from the living room in the tune of my brother. He sounds better than the originals, don’t get me wrong, but I would choose something else – and then it made me thing.
For the first time, I heard every word. These are songs that he sings daily. Now I just wanted to be in her arms and know that – know that something. I’m pretty sure that my heart beats a little differently when I think about it too much.
Today, we met at our normal halfway point. We walked for as long as we could and I tried by best not to think too much about hugging her goodbye. As I passed my friend’s house, they returned home, so spent some time over there but that didn’t stop me from emailing her minutes after leaving her side confessing a few of my thoughts that I couldn’t express in person.
They started watching The Never Ending Story around midnight and since I knew that I had way too much thinking to do, I left and listed to my playlist on random.
This is what it thought that I should listen to:
…and that is currently how many songs it takes to walk from her house to mine..
I had a necklace in my pocket for her.. and I wanted to tell her that I loved her before she left, but I just couldn’t accept that this would be the last time that I would see her, so I couldn’t bring myself to act like it could be.
As I sit here wondering which song I should listen to first, thinking about how I should take a shower so that I can breathe normally and contemplating the desire for my brother’s company. He hasn’t seen me yet and he doesn’t know. It’s almost guaranteed that he will say something insensitive and just piss me off anyway, but the distraction of his constant talking will help me avoid my constant thinking. He is right, we are good for each other.
Its my fault that I feel like this right now, she tried to give me one more peaceful day, because she just might know that practically freak out like the guy that leaves the lights on..
The first time that I watched that video, I emailed her about it. Why am I such a weirdo? When I cry over her, it always feels a little more real.. well, I don’t cry over things that aren’t real.. The way that I breathe out slowly and my chest shakes a little.. it always reminds me of the way that I feel about her, maybe there is a sense of trying so hard to understand the positive.
My dog has started to whine for this cold taco that probably sucks ass at this point. I feel like I ordered it over an hour an a half ago. back in the past.. ast.. ast.. ast..
There I was, sitting at Torchy’s Taco’s. They were particularly busy on this spring break night. She replied to my casual text telling me there was something that she needed to tell me and asked if I wanted to go for a walk tomorrow.
Once we confirmed that one of my least tragic, worst fears were coming true, I tried to remain calm and not be bothered by such shocking news. Since I have been crying for over an hour, slowly and quietly, I do not think that I am doing the best job at that.
My brother has since walked in the room and has started playing the bass behind me. Like with everything, I will trust that this is for the best and then go forward the best that I can. Does she know how much this is crushing me. Is she moving back there with him? This hurts worse than I thought it would.
When I was younger and devastated, I would listen to Sarah Mclachlan.
Can I be the first to say that I fall in love with her over and over again. It’s been like this since the day that met her. She wouldn’t want to know that I often refer to her as ‘the woman that I am in love with..’ The next few words is always, ‘Well, what’s the problem?” That’s never fun to try to avoid.. time, life, people, love. you pick. They usually laugh and ask if she has a boyfriend. Sometimes I just say that I hope not.. I have a reputation of liking straight women.. if they only knew.. she just might love me too.
There are too many lines that speak to me in this song. Today I had my 5 year anniversary at work. Next week will be my 31st anniversary in this world. It’s strange to notice that I still learn and grow every day.
