To hell with the consequence

The night before the concert, I was leaving my friend’s house when I glanced over and saw how empty it looked down the road. The porch light was not on. There were no cars in the drive way. Of course, I took the long way home to see why it looked so different in that direction. I haven’t had a chance to go back but as I passed, I felt relief that her bedroom light was on until I noticed that it looked nearly completely empty inside. I had the classic fear of being pulled out of your school and moved across the country, suddenly, I felt like i had lost a best friend.

With 700 miles of driving, I had plenty of time to reflect and think.. I am left hoping she is happy and enjoying life.

Opportunity Cost.

March 19, 2018July 26, 2019 • by admin • In Folk, Folk Rock, Grammy Nominee, Heartland rock, Music • 0

I have been an emotional mess lately but I think that I have also held it all together pretty well. It’s almost a shame that there is a pill for that.. well, at least a combination of pills, but I feel like it would be possible to do it without pills but I don’t know how to get the motivation and disciple that it takes so instead, I take pills, which take a level of disciple itself. It will be 4 years since I started this site next month. First, she told me that we couldn’t talk or see each other again and then a combination of a few calls and my supervisor at the time’s abrasive coaching method, lead me to walk out, schedule an appointment with my doctor and tell her that I needed to get back on my medicine. Since then she has added to it and on most days, I am just fine – but other days, even if I can stop the mental side of the anxiety, I still feel the physical affects and it lasts for days.

Today, I am struggling at work. There is someone that I really want to talk to and just walk with, but I can’t and that’s even more frusterating. Yesterday, I ended up getting stuck in Spring Break traffic on the way back from picking up a kid 300 miles away and nearly lost it. Some may claim I did lose it but I feel like that is all relative and the only witnesses are not the most credible for different reasons. The non verbal one has plenty of limitations but the other two, can’t share an unbiased opinion not to mention, one is eight years old. My free time has expired, so this will continue at a later date.

You’re so adventurous, I’m so very cautious

March 16, 2016February 26, 2020 • by admin • In Folk, Folk Rock, Grammy Nominee, Heartland rock, Indie Folk, Indie Rock, Music, Neo-folk • 0

Today, we met at our normal halfway point. We walked for as long as we could and I tried by best not to think too much about hugging her goodbye. As I passed my friend’s house, they returned home, so spent some time over there but that didn’t stop me from emailing her minutes after leaving her side confessing a few of my thoughts that I couldn’t express in person.

They started watching The Never Ending Story around midnight and since I knew that I had way too much thinking to do, I left and listed to my playlist on random.

This is what it thought that I should listen to:

…and that is currently how many songs it takes to walk from her house to mine..

I had a necklace in my pocket for her.. and I wanted to tell her that I loved her before she left, but I just couldn’t accept that this would be the last time that I would see her, so I couldn’t bring myself to act like it could be.

In front of total strangers won’t you kiss me

October 27, 2014September 30, 2021 • by admin • In Grammy Nominee, Heartland rock, Movies, Music, Rock • 0

During my ‘birthday party’ I received a text that sent me back to what’s really important. I don’t mean to get side tracked so easily, but the minute that I see her.. that’s all that I can see. Nothing else matters, especially people that I try my hardest to forget that they exist..

She said that she was kind of in trouble, and that left me blaming myself. We don’t do a thing wrong, but I’m aware that my feelings are wrong and maybe she has some of those too. It’s all an extremely complicated journey that just makes me want to watch The Lake House all the way through, just to hear Sandra Bullock say, “You waited!” I can barely handle romantic things like that.

At night, as I lay in bed, I think about how we are similar to a couple that you would see in a black and white romance movie. However, as unexpected as it is, I am the woman, all done up with curly hair and a white dress completely with doughy eyes and all, and she is Hugh Grant, in a suit with a fancy hat on, kissing me sweetly just before she tells me that she has to leave. Oh how I love / hate how that feels. I know that she feels the same way about me as I do her.. or I wouldn’t be so quick to sacrifice my time and sanity.