On the playlist for the show, these two songs are listed together. I could only imagine it is because of the commentary in between that speaks right to me.
Today, I was listening to my Melissa Etheridge concert from 3 months ago – because I am a strange bird, I noticed – I think she is talking to me – or about me – are all lesbians really that similar?
It was about that moment when I realized, what if she had been able to come with me? How would I feel listening to all of these songs with her life. She would probably hold my hand like she did during that sex scene in that movie and then everything would be better.
Gruene Hall
When I saw this at the first show, you can hear me laugh in amusement. I really shouldn’t be amused with this – but at least I am not alone, right?
Tonight, was one of those nights that restored my faith in at least one human being – well, there was really no restoring to be done – it has been just fine but I was trying to be cleaver somewhere in there.
This morning, I had to wake up early to go a couple blocks away to the psych doctor – I just do it for cheap medicine and so that I can assure anyone that thinks I am unhealthy that I see tons of doctors in all sorts of fields so I must have my shit together, right? I clearly don’t know how that works but I did bake cookies today after work – that’s kind of epic.
I was planning on mixing stuff together from a box like brownies until I realized it didn’t seem to be that easy. I looked at the ingredients on the chocolate chips for the cookies and decided the would probably prefer I didn’t screw it up so I opted for cookie dough and I think they turned out well. I didn’t eat any but they weren’t burnt.
The rest of that story will stay in my memory but I can say that I turn into the oddest little bird for her.
I had a pretty emotional week, both good and sad. I helped Emily go through her late fathers things. I don’t think that she made it very far – it was really hard on her. Yesterday when I was seeing what she was up to, she said she had to take care of a few things in Austin, and then I realized my ex was marrying her friend – so I am sure that is where she was, just didn’t think she could tell me.
I have also really been keeping my distance from my ex but with that comes the desire to cuddle with someone or be sweet and close. I never really miss sex specifically but I miss intimacy and I have no desire to meet anyone so that’s a disappointing feeling.
And this is the first time I have seen the clip, but I had been told in the past that after you ‘concert’ so many women, you get a toaster over. In that joke, I don’t think whoever was saying it realized I don’t convert anyone.. I just sleep with straight women and get my heart broken. I am almost tired of this preference by now. I still believes that she has always identified as lesbian.. I just wish I was the lesbian she identified with..
You know what they say about assuming.. I embarrass myself more than I would like to admit, but luckily for me, I really don’t open up to many people, so there isn’t a ton of opportunities. I feel like I need to put my friend on a payroll for all the shit she puts up with from me.
When I was younger, I would get confused. Confused between really caring about someone as a friend and being in love with them. Maybe I never for past it. How do I know if I am attracted to someone as a person or more? The good thing is, I would much rather a good friend than a girlfriend, because I just don’t trust relationships or love. I tried it once or twice and it didn’t work out that well for me.
Last night, I had a weird dream. I thought that it was real but never asked anyone – but I am sure it was not. In my dream, Maddison called me. She said, “You’re not going to like this, but my girlfriend has something to say.” and then handed the phone to someone. Then a more masculine chick got on the phone and said something like. “Yeah, girlfriend, did you hear that? Stay away from my…” and then I hung up. In my dream, I knew that it was Sarah. I did get pissed off because, what the fuck. I was really mad, but who knows why. I get really sad when people don’t trust me.. but then I guess I see why.
I went to some Kid Fish with my nieces and nephew today. It was on river road and there were a million people there. I had terrible reception but managed to exchange a few important messages. Tomorrow will mark a month since I left work. I don’t think that I could ever work from home. I need an escape and a distraction. My mind has really played some tricks on me and I just wish I knew how to apologize properly.
She wanted to help me and I am a complicated mess that needs to learn when to stop.
Yet another song that I did not know before playing it. These electronics…
It’s not every day that I hear a new Melissa Etheridge song – she’s like my fuckin’ idol.
I feel like there was just an Eminem reference in regards to Melissa Etheridge and there’s just something wrong about that.
The Internet thought I needed a few new songs in my playlist.
But if you break down I’ll drive out and find you If you forget my love I’ll try to remind you And stay by you when it don’t come easy
The most interesting thing about this post is that I have never heard these songs before, listened to them back to back and didn’t plan them at all. YouTube Conspiracy.
Correct me when I’m wrong. Point me in the right direction, I will listen.
It didn’t stop there. I paused this video 55 seconds because I don’t appreciate the way that these songs are talking to me. I wish that I were more confident in… something. I am not used to being so confused about my feelings that I am quite sure about. I guess, I don’t know what’s welcomed, expected or okay. More-so I am concerned that I should be concerned – its all a perplexing feeling I have had for a while.
Tonight was Lez Prom. Months ago, I was under the impression I was going, then she was taking the new girl, then she said I was the back up if the new girl didn’t want to go – and then she ended up taking her best friend because she thinks I want to get back with her. She doesn’t understand when I feel disrespected and used, she thinks that I am jealous, but really, I just don’t want to watch her kids so that she can go out with someone.
She ended up getting drunk and asking her best friend to take her to the new girl’s house. The best friend texted me asking if I was up because she was crying because Maddison was being a bitch to her and didn’t give a fuck about her feelings. It’s pretty bad when you exes best friend confides in you because she’s so mean.
It was nice to not care in the least. I expected to feel a little left out, but instead, I went to a friends house and helped them pack. I couldn’t keep M off my mind or the few words that meant more than I could imagine. I woke up feeling stronger than ever. I’ve resisted saying much to her, because I am sure that her situation is quite sensitive and I want to be aware so that I don’t cause any trouble.
My friends used to joke that the only way to get me to clean my house was to say that M was coming over. It was a running joke, apparently I don’t give a fuck quite often.. and then there she was. Everything else disappeared. Either way, I feel like cleaning my room and have been doing a great job.. I guess I just don’t want her to ever see what a mess I can be – but I am sure that she is quite aware.
Sometimes I wonder when you sleep
Are you ever dreaming of me?
Sometimes when I look into your eyes
I pretend you’re mine, all the damn time
‘Cause I like you
