Alternative rock

Alternative rock is a style of rock music that emerged from the independent music underground of the 1980s and became widely popular in the 1990s. In this instance, the word “alternative” refers to the genre’s distinction from mainstream rock music.

I’m Not The Kind Of Girl You’d Bring Home

• by admin • In Alternative rock, Blue-Eyed Soul, Country, Folk, Folk Rock, Grammy Nominee, Pop •   0

Today, as I drove home from work on my lunch break, the radio took me back… the first song is one that I have always loved… Here’s a little Sheryl Crow.

If I thought that I was going to escape that thought process quickly.. I was wrong. I may have woken up thinking about her… but it wasn’t going to end there. The next song that came on was a song that I started dreading about a year ago, when I actually had heard the words. I feel like it was about this time last year. I know that I was headed to get my hair cut and I even remember where I parked on the square to allow the song to finish before I turned off my car to get out… now I hear the words intensely, as if someone was speaking to me.. or more like.. her. It’s a good way to make me feel inadequate quickly. I am sure that it has nothing to do with what she meant the song to be about.. but it sounds quite clear to me.

Honestly, it hurts a little, every time that I hear the song..

You would think that I would stop listening to it. As I listen to it too many times and watch the words play above.. makes me realize – that we are all 3 so similar in personality, that it seems caddy but its really just this whole ball of tension that I will never be able to understand or explain. This song gets to me about as much as the Gotye song. and the last line. the last line always makes my stomach sink and picture what my own custom video would like look in that song. he would be singing the entire song. im not even phased that its a female singer – someone. i always see her face at the end, saying that all miley cirus wrecking ball style.. i should go watch that and cry.. i am so much more emotional that most people know. i feel like we all struggle with sexuality and gender in some way. i never really thought that about him but i know that growing up he was smaller than most of the guys and he’s not that tall now.. i dont know how being a guy works.. i avoid them most of the time. life has beome so complicated that i dont even know anymore. i just see patterns and try to come up with a reason. there is no reason or solution, just continue to do what youre supposed to be doing and everything will work out. it may be the biggest lie that i have ever told myself, but only time can tell.

I could see, you home with me

• by admin • In Alternative rock, Blue-Eyed Soul, Indie Rock, Rock •   0

There are a few songs that come on the radio that I just can not help but sing at full volume… usually with the windows down and somehow I feel like I always notice that I am driving past her street as I start to get into it… if she ever seems me.. it will be so embarrassing.. It’s not my fault that one of my best friends lives right down the road. She would probably just smile.

I’ve been called a hopeless romantic a lot in my life.. but I don’t think that it has ever felt this hopeless before.

While spending too much time looking at this computer today and listening to these songs.. I realized that this is my 105th post since I started writing on this site. It came after a day that she told me that we couldn’t talk anymore.. at all.. I’m just glad that that didn’t last forever. I would be her best friend over not knowing her any day..

As I read 9/11 stuff and was reminded of how important it is to tell people how you feel everyday – I have had a hard time not telling her that I love her. The closest that I have ever gotten was telling her that I deeply care about her. Besides this one email years ago when I told her that I knew that we were falling in love.. I say the dumbest shit sometimes, but I truly believe that she understands me and how I feel.

And if I must be lonely, I think I’d rather be alone

• by admin • In Alternative rock, Music, Rock •   0

This song….

…is one of those songs I hear from another perspective now.

If she can tell what I am feeling and thinking, that was interesting. I had no idea that the movie had some many reoccurring themes.

Just today, I was thinking about that dream that I had. The one that meant the most to me.

It’s been weeks ago by now. It was the Sunday before I returned to work from my vacation, so I believe that makes it about a month ago. I probably haven’t seen her since I had that dream. Now is the first time I put that all together.

I believe I disclosed a few details about the dream to her. The words that she spoke to me in the dream circle me daily. The look on her face when she said it follows me as well.

“J__, I love you, I truly do, but now is not the time.”

Last night, I had a dream that was similar, but in the one mentioned above, there was nothing but us, completely darkness, like a photo shoot almost.

In the dream last night, it was not as secluded, just every day life, and she said something to someone along the lines of, “She doesn’t know that I will be there to take amazing care of her, no matter what.” There was nothing there, but my heart and feelings, to tell me that she was talking about me, but she sure did spend 3 hours watching a movie that I wanted to see. That goes far with this little lady.

I’ve been careless with a delicate man

• by admin • In Alternative, Alternative rock, Music, Rock •   0

Tonight, while I was watching the new American Horror Story with friends, the words in “Criminal” seemed to speak to me. I don’t blame her for a thing that has happened and once in a while when I am thinking about the way things turned out – I can’t help but ask myself – was it terrible timing or perfect timing?

If things happened in a different order, theres a good chance that I would have ran screaming in the other direction… let’s be honest.

She’s everything that I have ever wanted in a friend and partner but I have so many preconceived notions that I have created to ‘keep me safe’ I would have been over whelmed long ago. I’ll have to admit that she has a way of handling me..

And since this song also seems appropriate, it will be added. Today was so long and the hardest part at this point was wonder what I did and trying to keep myself from pestering her.

On that note, I realized that – deep in my heart, I am so confident that she loves me and that she feels all these things for me. A few things have been said here and there so that I know that things are not completely one sided, but I can’t help but be shocked at my audacity sometimes. It’s like part of me is terrified that I have done something to upset her which constantly argues with the part of me that just wants me to calm down and ‘let her do her own thing.’ That is the side that knows she does not want to hurt me like this, but it just comes with the situation. That is the same side that sees her pushing me away in hopes of protecting me from the pain. I’m not convinced that it works, but I will keep believing in brightening her life the way she enlightens mine.