Alternative rock

Alternative rock is a style of rock music that emerged from the independent music underground of the 1980s and became widely popular in the 1990s. In this instance, the word “alternative” refers to the genre’s distinction from mainstream rock music.

I thought I knew you…

• by admin • In Alternative rock, Music, Punk •   0

Today, on my way to work, right before I arrived, Gwen Stefani graced my speakers with a long lost song – Sunday Morning.  I jammed out as if I was still in 7th grade, though I was driving.  The first 2 CDs that I ever owned were, No Doubt’s Tragic Kingdom and Jewel’s Pieces of You.  If you remember anything about CDs or I guess any album, is that sometimes.. most of the songs suck, so I didn’t listen to the Jewel CD in full very many times, but Tragic Kingdom is one of my all time favorites.


The more that I listened to the words, the more that I knew that I had to post it here.  Eventually I started questioning a few lyrics, like.. what the hell does, “You’re trying my shoes on for a change…” mean, but I got past it and was left with a few lingering thoughts that were luckily lost until now because of the hustle and bustle at work.  The more the song plays past that line, I realize that it actually has nothing to do with how I feel but there are a few lines that leave me reflecting.

Gwen didn’t always get my feelings right but she sure does have a pretty voice and I could listen to these songs forever.  As I was making this S curve near the rail road tracks, I thought.. what if I didn’t ask to see her that day, she wouldn’t have messaged me saying that she couldn’t see to talk to me anymore, again.

It’s been over 6 months and though I am lucky enough to have forgotten how long the longest has been in the past, but if anyone is concerned about her dedication and follow through, it was quite impressive and speaks loudly for her character. I may be paranoid, but I often worry,but that gets more complicated than I can articulate.

I left work early to go get the new plates for my vehicle.  It’s probably time that I get to that.

I would listen to that album on repeat in 1996 on a Discman that my grandparents bought me.  We were so cool and could skip songs if we wanted to. The sony headphones that came with it were awful.  They were the type with the foam that I am quite sure are no longer in production.

What have I become my sweetest friend.

• by admin • In Alternative rock, Country, Music, Rock •   0

doday, 101 X reminded me that Johnny Cash could put Trent Reznor in his place any day.  This is only a compliment, I love Nine Inch Nails and I have a lot of respect for it all, when I was in high school, I didn’t understand and I was offended that a country singer would attempt a Nine Inch Nails song. A decade later, I hear it on the radio and it says something new that I have never heard before.  I never thought that I would be the liar.

I must just be emotional today because the next song was Oasis’s Champagne Supernova which is another song that I have hear thousands of times, but it also seemed to send a message.  Every day I feel like I learn something new about emotions.  I wonder if I will ever understand.

Back in high school, I wasn’t really aware that Johnny Cash was a bad ass.  I grew up in the country and despised much of the culture.  It didn’t help that society had perpetuated that.

Don’t ask what happened next…

• by admin • In Alternative rock, Music •   2

Last night, I got drunk with my friends and texted he   r to the point where I felt irritating as fuck but it may have just been her quick response.  That made me think that I should go get sandwiches with my friends this morning. I stopped in the local record shop and picked up the album, Sleeping With Ghosts by Placebo.  Most of my records have been bought used, so I liked being able to get one of my favorite albums.

When I parked my car, I saw that his car was there too.  I was slightly shaken but I told myself that I would be fine.  When I walked into the record store, I was trying to help me calm my nerves in there and when I came across that album, I knew it was just the thing.  I bought it while I waited for my friends to meet me and then we went over there.

Updated: 3/19/2018 – Title, category, tags, image

We both tipped him well that day and he brought us jalapeno poppers.  I don’t think that I have seen him since.  The next day, I went to a co-workers house to hang out.  I had no idea what was about to happen when I met her baby.  …She seemed straight and I thought that she needed friends.. 

Don’t tell me cause it hurts

• by admin • In Alternative rock, Grammy Nominee, Music •   0
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This morning, I was day dreaming about the lady way too early.  I listened to some Adele, sent her a revealing email and by that I mean completely sincere and open – nothing that modern day society may think.

YouTube took me to Tracy Chapman and then No Doubt.  This is a song that I have known most of my life but today, I finally knew what it meant.  I had been there.  It described the last few years of my life.

Falling is like this

• by admin • In Alternative rock, Folk Rock, Indie Folk, Indie Rock, Music, Rock •   0

I woke up and started crying within 20 minutes. Today seems extra sensitive. I took a walk to clear my mind and just cried more. She is such a big part of my life and i miss her so much. Today, i am less tough.

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Feels like reckless driving when we’re talking
It’s fun while it lasts, and it’s faster than walking
But no one’s going to sympathize when we crash
They’ll say “you hit what you head for, you get what you ask”
and we’ll say we didn’t know, we didn’t even try
one minute there was road beneath us, the next just sky

I don’t even know where to go next.

When everything else disappeared

• by admin • In Alternative rock, Folk Rock, Glam Metal, Grammy Nominee, Hard Rock, Indie Rock, Industrial rock, Music, New Wave, Rock •   0
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The thing about keeping great records, digital ones at that, is that it is easy to cross reference them when needed.  Today marks 2 years since a difficult day in my life.  That day happens to be the day that I started this site, as a way to deal with the situation.  It looks like it was the next day or so that I was at work, ended up talking to someone that made me a little sad on the phone.. then my boss jumped down my throat and made me cry on a call.. That will be 2 years ago Monday.  In my opinion, I handled it very well.  That call was one call before my lunch, I remember it quite well.  The call after that is the one that I actually started to cry during, barely, but everything had just been building up.  I logged out when it was time to go to lunch, I walked right up to my boss and told her that I was going to the doctor and that I would be back the next day.

In the past, I had been on anxiety medicine, and at some time around when my middle niece was born, about 3 and a half years ago, I had stopped taking it.  With everything that had transpired and how much I was reacting to everything around me, I knew that it was something that I needed in my life.  In retrospect, this site serves as a record of my progress in the last 2 years.  Since then, I have been promoted at work.  I on my 8th training class and somehow I have gained the trust and understanding of the woman that I have fallen in love with.  I feel that way anyway.  It’s a huge deal to me because I tend to keep everyone in my life at a safe distance, but something tells me that she is different.. and I enjoy every minute of it.

When I was coming home from my friend’s house tonight, I drove by her old house for the first time since she had left.  I just kind of turned when I really didn’t have to.  My heart felt a little lighter when I saw his car in the drive way.  I’m uncertain why I can’t bring myself to just ask her a few things.  My imagination had been playing with combinations and statistical realities.. Most people that know me, know that I would wait 2 more years for her without thinking twice.. and hate it – I’m not sure why.  Those act like I am selling myself short and that no one should wait for anyone.. Then the other reactions that I get are more sincere in my eyes, I can’t tell you how much I like it when someone reacts the opposite and confirms that it’s incredibly romantic.  There’s a handful of close friends that know just how I feel.  They see my face when I talk to her.  My attempt to smile as she leaves.  It’s nice when someone actually understands you.  It seems to be so rare lately.

While stumbling around the YouTube.. I found this gem:

Hold on, hold on to yourself, for this is gonna hurt like hell

• by admin • In Alternative rock, Folk, Grammy Nominee, Rock •   Comments Off on Hold on, hold on to yourself, for this is gonna hurt like hell

She broke my fuckin’ heart today. on Pi Day.

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As I sit here wondering which song I should listen to first, thinking about how I should take a shower so that I can breathe normally and contemplating the desire for my brother’s company.  He hasn’t seen me yet and he doesn’t know.  It’s almost guaranteed that he will say something insensitive and just piss me off anyway, but the distraction of his constant talking will help me avoid my constant thinking.  He is right, we are good for each other.

Its my fault that I feel like this right now, she tried to give me one more peaceful day, because she just might know that practically freak out like the  guy that leaves the lights on..

The first time that I watched that video, I emailed her about it.  Why am I such a weirdo?  When I cry over her, it always feels a little more real.. well, I don’t cry over things that aren’t real.. The way that I breathe out slowly and my chest shakes a little.. it always reminds me of the way that I feel about her, maybe there is a sense of trying so hard to understand the positive.

My dog has started to whine for this cold taco that probably sucks ass at this point.  I feel like I ordered it over an hour an a half ago.  back in the past.. ast.. ast.. ast..

There I was, sitting at Torchy’s Taco’s.  They were particularly busy on this spring break night.  She replied to my casual text telling me there was something that she needed to tell me and asked if I wanted to go for a walk tomorrow.

Once we confirmed that one of my least tragic, worst fears were coming true, I tried to remain calm and not be bothered by such shocking news.  Since I have been crying for over an hour, slowly and quietly, I do not think that I am doing the best job at that.

My brother has since walked in the room and has started playing the bass behind me.  Like with everything, I will trust that this is for the best and then go forward the best that I can.  Does she know how much this is crushing me.  Is she moving back there with him?  This hurts worse than I thought it would.

When I was younger and devastated, I would listen to Sarah Mclachlan.

Her text felt something like this:

It’s just you and me on our island of hope