In other news, did you know that Sinéad O’Connor hates white people now? I didn’t read the article, because I was afraid I would join her..
Alternative rock
Alternative rock is a style of rock music that emerged from the independent music underground of the 1980s and became widely popular in the 1990s. In this instance, the word “alternative” refers to the genre’s distinction from mainstream rock music.
Broken, bruised, forgotten sore
Today when I accidently googled 512, I came across this song.
I felt like I needed a little Lamb of God on my site. I couldn’t tell you what the hell they are saying but I am sure it’s good.
When I was younger, I used to go to every Kittie show possible. I must have seen them 10 to 20 times. I ran a website called KittieIzGod.com based off the name of their first demo tape. It was called Sex Iz Hell. I realize that doesn’t really translate but I was like 15 years old.
There used to be a good Sweeny Todd version of Somewhat Damaged on YouTube but I couldn’t find it today. This will have to do.
On a bed of nails, I’ll wait
As I go to type some nonsense, this song plays in the back of my mind but I can’t quite recognize it. I am not sure what I finally typed in to find it, but I am glad that I did.
You’re falling out of reach
Defying gravity, yeah
And then I took it from there –
And if I don’t make it known that
I’ve loved you all along
And since I have watched The Craft on VHS and DVD over 1,000 times, I will include this favorite.
I know you didn’t bring me out here to drown
I’ve been having a really hard time lately. Its just been constant anxiety but I get through. Today, I found out that my mom is in jail again for ‘simple assault’ for the 3rd fucking time. I know that is not good but I can only hope that she gets the help that she needs.
On a completely unrelated note, my brother was singing to this song today and I fell in love with it. Now I am back to what I would consider imaginary issues that are nearly non existent at this point.
Now he is playing a song that I have seen send people into a PTSD breakdown.
Since I fear death for everyone around me so badly lately, just hearing him sing it brings tears to my eyes and a deep pain in my heart. My mother has suffered from alcoholism my entire life and all of my siblings have suffered from it in one way or another. I may not have a problem with drinking too much but I do have deep seeded issues with alcoholics.
His play list is getting to sad for me and leaving me crying… The only songs that I know that hurt more are in my brother’s memorial video. I can never hear those songs without difficulty.
You stated your case time and again
Today, has been one of those days. A co-worker was out, so I was left juggling nearly 30 all center agents that all think they are the center of the universe. Really its probably only a quarter of them but it seems like a lot. I have been pissing people off left and right. After a long day of making my agents mad because they expect too much from me and getting yelled at and threaten by customers, I come home and have to deal with the two closest people telling me how much I don’t do for them. I offered to watch my sisters children during pride weekend and somehow ruined it and misunderstood when my brother wanted a ride to Subway so somehow I have ruined his night and he is going to starve. I didn’t respond appropriately, not that I even know what that would be. I cried some and then listened to the following songs. It started with a song that made me think about her the other day while I was in the grocery store. It reminded me of my blind and most likely stupid faith. The rest of the songs came on following it on YouTube. I would be lying if I said that it didn’t hurt when she said, “I don’t need you anymore and I don’t want you.” I suppose that would shock most anyone. Just give it time and I will find a way to fuck it up. I am pretty sure, I have always wished that someone thought about me when they heard this song..
For fun I decided to look up my horoscope today, because why not. I can’t feel like everyone hates me without blaming the universe or something, can I.
Since I am no longer a teenager, I was not sure where one would get a horoscope, so I just googled it and selected the Chicago’s news paper, because seems to be a legitment source:
Relations with others might be strained or aloof today. People are not sure which action to take or which direction to go. You probably feel the same way. Therefore, be ginger about whatever you do. Go gently. Avoid important decisions and avoid spending money on anything other than food or gas.
Can the child within my heart rise above?
I took my love, I took it down
Climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
‘Til the landslide brought it down
I’m so quick to tell her everything. I hope that she doesn’t hold it against me. Her roommate posted that they were all going to see Smashing Pumpkins on a mutual friend’s FB. I am constantly reminded of high school and the challenges that it brought to my life. I would like to think that I am long past that, since I graduated 15 years ago, but I felt myself exploring some deep places in my heart and soul last night. In the end, I felt ashamed to be who I am and completed defeated, so I was painfully reminded that the pain from the past isn’t really gone. This is pain that was caused by my peers, completely separate from the difficulties I faced at home. I hope that one day, people like me will be able to live outside of this.
Can I sail through the changin’ ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?
On my way to work this morning, the original version, by Stevie Nix played on the radio. It’s about a 5 minute drive to work, so any great song playing during this time really makes my day. It took me to a place that I really didn’t need to be as I walked into work. I think that I fought back a few tears, wished that she could see past the surface and hoped for the best. I know that she has a deep rooted soul and I ‘hope and pray’ that she understands my deep connection and I don’t look like the standard maniac.. I feel guilty so often, but other times I just feel extremely dedicated and trusting. I’ve been lectured by about everyone that knows. My girlfriend even makes fun of me for certain things, often.
I met her just after she left the state. I tried the line, “I am in love with someone else..” and I even said something like, “I am sad because my girlfriend like thing moved away.” Those conversations come up often when people want to make fun of me. I have learned to roll with it, but what really matters, is what she thinks.
I thought I knew you…
Today, on my way to work, right before I arrived, Gwen Stefani graced my speakers with a long lost song – Sunday Morning. I jammed out as if I was still in 7th grade, though I was driving. The first 2 CDs that I ever owned were, No Doubt’s Tragic Kingdom and Jewel’s Pieces of You. If you remember anything about CDs or I guess any album, is that sometimes.. most of the songs suck, so I didn’t listen to the Jewel CD in full very many times, but Tragic Kingdom is one of my all time favorites.
The more that I listened to the words, the more that I knew that I had to post it here. Eventually I started questioning a few lyrics, like.. what the hell does, “You’re trying my shoes on for a change…” mean, but I got past it and was left with a few lingering thoughts that were luckily lost until now because of the hustle and bustle at work. The more the song plays past that line, I realize that it actually has nothing to do with how I feel but there are a few lines that leave me reflecting.
Gwen didn’t always get my feelings right but she sure does have a pretty voice and I could listen to these songs forever. As I was making this S curve near the rail road tracks, I thought.. what if I didn’t ask to see her that day, she wouldn’t have messaged me saying that she couldn’t see to talk to me anymore, again.
It’s been over 6 months and though I am lucky enough to have forgotten how long the longest has been in the past, but if anyone is concerned about her dedication and follow through, it was quite impressive and speaks loudly for her character. I may be paranoid, but I often worry,but that gets more complicated than I can articulate.
I left work early to go get the new plates for my vehicle. It’s probably time that I get to that.
I would listen to that album on repeat in 1996 on a Discman that my grandparents bought me. We were so cool and could skip songs if we wanted to. The sony headphones that came with it were awful. They were the type with the foam that I am quite sure are no longer in production.
What have I become my sweetest friend.
doday, 101 X reminded me that Johnny Cash could put Trent Reznor in his place any day. This is only a compliment, I love Nine Inch Nails and I have a lot of respect for it all, when I was in high school, I didn’t understand and I was offended that a country singer would attempt a Nine Inch Nails song. A decade later, I hear it on the radio and it says something new that I have never heard before. I never thought that I would be the liar.
I must just be emotional today because the next song was Oasis’s Champagne Supernova which is another song that I have hear thousands of times, but it also seemed to send a message. Every day I feel like I learn something new about emotions. I wonder if I will ever understand.
Back in high school, I wasn’t really aware that Johnny Cash was a bad ass. I grew up in the country and despised much of the culture. It didn’t help that society had perpetuated that.
