Alternative rock

Alternative rock is a style of rock music that emerged from the independent music underground of the 1980s and became widely popular in the 1990s. In this instance, the word “alternative” refers to the genre’s distinction from mainstream rock music.

And I’ll be your cryin’ shoulder

• by She Says • In Alternative rock, Folk, Grammy Nominee, Music, Pop •   Comments Off on And I’ll be your cryin’ shoulder

As I take one day at a time, over and over again, I create mixed tapes in my head to her. I have been singing many of these songs to her long before I even knew who she was.

There was a point in time that I thought every song on this list was ridiculous, I couldn’t understand a few lines here or there. The lines that sound like exaggeration feel all too real now.

Here are the 90s pop songs playing on my radio. A few may drift from that decade and genre but they fit there to me.

This is just a darling way to bounce back from all of those emotions:

This might be the sound track to my life. I remember the moment and action that go with a few of these lines. When I just wanted her to know who I was – I started writing and never stopped.

Let me tell you about middle school dances… life was never pleasant for me but I don’t talk about that.

That’s god with a lowercase g, the concept.

We are going to continue down R&B lane for a moment so forgive me for that. I have been singing the next two songs a lot but I go got the John Michael Montgomery version as it is much easier for me to achieve. Well, I only sing it when I am alone, no one would want to hear all that.

All-4-One was one of my first CDs after Tragic Kingdom and Pieces of You, which I had received as Christmas gifts that year. My older cousin traded me a very scratched up All-4-One CD for who knows what, surely I got ripped off but that is where I first heard these two songs. That same year, a country artist covered them so I would hear the same songs in a country version on the radio with my grandparents – it was a confusing time and I didn’t understand why. (The reason was $$)

I realize that this 90s mix is quite cheesy but who could expect anything else. This is about the sentiment which is lightly scattered all over the place. Without further ado:

Oh how I loved this song as a teenager with no one to directed it to.

There are a few pop songs that I thought were so ridiculous that I couldn’t even listen to them. They fell into the Aqua – Barbie Girl category in my mind. When they grace my 90s station these days, I will admit, I listen to them and my thoughts drift – once again, the odd lyrics suddenly make a little sense. Brace yourself for bubblegum pop.

One more and I will climb out of this rabbit hole.

So I guess if I could say anything to her – it would be all of that. Another song that I have caught myself listening to when it comes on is one that I felt was the most over played song of my life:

I’ll wrap this up and get back to reality. For the next and final song in this series, it will be hard to believe that I had not heard it before a few years ago after she used ‘Round here’ in a very impactful text message. It seems as though it has been around for over 30 years so I may have just over looked it but when it comes on these days – I stop – I listen and I try my hardest to come up with a plan that will work.

Then maybe you would understand

• by She Says • In Alternative rock •   Comments Off on Then maybe you would understand

As I was returning from lunch yesterday, I glanced at my phone and saw a photo of herself that she had posted. Just seeing her picture made me extremely shy and smile. I put it away and continued to day dream about her. Many hours later, once home, I look at it again because I miss her so very much. I notice a fine detail and zoom in. Its a fine detail that I have caused a few emotional scenes over, so I think its something she would expect from me. My heart started racing and I had to look again – maybe a few times. Then I wrote her a quick excited message that I would later delete and then repeat a few times.

Things had felt weird in my heart but maybe it was because she was pushing through some heavy shit. My dream reminded me that I really need to watch my own excitement and consider her deepest feelings. I am working on centering my self, so that I can be the strongest person for her. I just hope that she is doing well deep in her heart, I worry so very much about that woman.

How ’bout unabashedly bawling your eyes out

• by She Says • In Alternative rock, Folk Rock, Grammy Nominee •   Comments Off on How ’bout unabashedly bawling your eyes out

It has been too difficult to even write about. So many things have happened and I am left crying my eyes out in a house all alone. My puppy doesn’t know what to do but she is trying her hardest to comfort me.

I will skip ahead past all of the agonizing things I have been avoiding writing about. A few days ago I posted some meme about listening to Ani DiFranco and a random guy in my town said that School Night was one of the best songs ever. After I said that I would check it out as I did not know it, he warned me not to if I was having a good day. Since I had nothing to lose, I went straight for it after work. It took a few replays and reading the lyrics before it completely wrecked my world. I knew this movie and I did not know there was a sound track. There is a roller coaster of emotions that goes with this song and I am sure its easy to see which line digs the deepest – its the one that reminds me that no matter how soft I get, I am still a jealous lesbian and I don’t know that I can ever escape that.

I haven’t been able to talk to her in so long and its really getting to me. I feel like I did some stupid shit back on July 20th. It was an important day to me and the day prior I was at work and realized that it was the middle day between when my friend Jenn was murdered (July 15th) and the day my brother died (July 25th) so as I will, I took it as a sign that I had to find a way to check on her because I would not loose her to domestic violence or anything else.

Well things didn’t go as planned and I pretty much embarrassed myself while trying to be some super hero.

Here is my tragic song, though I consider it to reside around the middle of August 2013 so this will be a reflection of my agonizing past, and well, I really have no idea what the current reality is – I am so long and afraid of what I don’t understand, I just panic myself constantly while making all of the wrong decisions.

At this point I am putting my trust in her and believing that she knows best. It terrifies me to no end, but I just wait to hear from her, so patiently and possibly stupidly.

I’m already the asshole. I realized it just a few years ago, that he would be furious.. I knew it would be worse when he realized it was me. When I was younger, I was dilutional, I thought – he won’t hate me.. but at some point, it occurred to me that one day.. he would fucking hate me. and I feel.. that day has come.

That’s based on the information I absorbed mid panic attack at the Walgreen’s parking lot. I believe I referred to this Sunday adventure as in the CVS parking lot for the first month or so but once I calmed down I realized that.. that was clearly.. always a Walgreens but sure CVS when you can’t think straight.

It’s really hard that I only want to be part of one person’s life and somehow – I am not capable.

Your love is better than chocolate

• by She Says • In Alternative rock, Music, Pop, Pop Rock, Rock •   Comments Off on Your love is better than chocolate

Have you been half asleep
And have you heard voices
I’ve heard them calling my name
Is this the sweet sound that call’s the young sailors
The voice might be one and the same
I’ve heard it too many times to ignore it
Its something that I’m supposed to be
Someday we’ll find it
The Rainbow Connection

Some nights, when I catch myself listening to Sarah McLachlan, I want to tell her that all of her songs aren’t heart-wrenching, but I might actually be wrong about that. They do pull at my heart strings.

I’ll tell her when we are cuddled up in bed and Better than Chocolate is ending, then I will know that I have found my moment.

I thought that I heard you laughing

• by She Says • In Alternative, Alternative rock, Music, Rock •   Comments Off on I thought that I heard you laughing

Today, I needed a song from 1991 because I noticed that my word cloud at the bottom of the page was not even – we will blame the retrograde or something. I should be asleep – its 9:15 AM – but I have been logging into work early to cover for people, I am logged out until 10 currently.

I realized why I have no songs from 1991 – they are all pretty terrible, except this one.

Last Tuesday, I went to karaoke and this is the song of the night. I watched the words as they scrolled down the screen. It was one of those moments – where I had heard the song so many times, thousands on this one – but that night – one week ago, I felt like I was writing the words as they displayed.

The lengths that I will go to
The distance in your eyes
Oh no I’ve said too much

Trying to keep up with you
And I don’t know if I can do it
Oh no I’ve said too much
I haven’t said enough

I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try

Every whisper, of every waking hour
I’m choosing my confessions
Trying to keep an eye on you
Like a hurt, lost and blinded fool, fool
Oh no I’ve said too much
I set it up

Consider this
Consider this the hint of the century
Consider this the slip
That brought me to my knees, failed
What if all these fantasies come
Flailing around
Now I’ve said too much

But that was just a dream
That was just a dream

I have always known it was a gay song, well I am quite sure its historical anyway – but last Tuesday, it meant more to me.