Punk rock is a rock music genre that emerged in the mid-1970s in the United States, United Kingdom, and Australia. Rooted in 1960s garage rock and other forms of what is now known as “proto-punk” music, punk rock bands rejected perceived excesses of mainstream 1970s rock.
Last night, I had a dream that we drove a van Uhaul off into a “Ring of Fire” eclipse.
I had been telling her that it was called the Ring of Fire Eclipse and that I was going to call it the Johnny Cash Eclipse.
When I went to go leave for work 30 minutes later than I normally would, I started my car to find this song playing. I got the cheesiest grin on my face suddenly.
She recently told me that she had a dream that we bought a house in the town that we recently met up in. My heart went wild just hearing that. I haven’t seen her since but I have been fightingh terribly.
And I will need to come back to another cover to this song – it get’s me everytime.
When I see one of my snowflake obsidian rocks laying around, I think about how distraught I was just over 2 weeks ago. There I was, after a long day of helping a friend move. We had loaded a different friend’s truck full of trash that I was headed to go dump illegally at my old complex. My car had broken down the day before – so I knew that I better take advantage of my situation.
I stopped at my initials and saw the three rocks were still there, so I picked them up so they didn’t get left. One was a snow flake obsidian, one of a pyrite and I don’t remember the other one but it would have had some sort of protective property to make it into this mix. When I had set them there, I had known my time was running out.
When I turned left at the end of the street, I looked right and saw the Uhaul. I tried to distract myself as I approached my illegal activities. I pulled up to the dumpster, turned my lights out and started throwing trash bags into the dumpster. It filled up quicker than I thought. My friend met me there and unloaded her car as well and then we left back to go to my house – but I took a few detours. I knew that this may be my last chance with a vehicle for a while.
I didn’t have a plan but I had passion, I had fear, there was a sense of panic about me. As I approached the hill, I put my hand in my pocket and pulled out 2 of my largest snowflake obsidian rocks. I held them tightly and thought all of the important words. As I got close to her house, I slowed down. I had planned to throw them towards the Uhaul in hopes that she may see them the next day and think about me a little – I was hoping to provoke a smile on a day that I thought may be extremely difficult for her. When it was time, I shyly through the rocks barely past the road if even that – I was afraid of hitting anything once it came down to it – I wasn’t throwing rocks to cause damage, I was throwing rocks to make her smile.
I may never know if those 2 rocks made it into her drive way at all. I am sure that I will never bring it up but in all reality – that is something that I would do. It just crosses my mind – and I am so thankful that it was not much longer later before my faith in humanity was restored. I shouldn’t be so flakey on such a thing – in reality – I believed in the future the entire time but the world knows that I was sincerely scared and quite the asshole from what I was told. Amazingly enough those claims stopped around the time my spirits were lifted. I’m well aware that I should be better at controlling my emotions, but I’m not and there’s that.
I didn’t stop there – as I went up the hill, I decided to deliver more rocks. It must have been about bar closing time because people were walking around and getting rides to their cars. I pulled up at her work and shamelessly walked over to a curb that I felt might be noticed and set 2 rocks. one was an agate and one may have been a sodalite but that is a guess. It still wasn’t enough. I had to calm my desire for her attention before I could ever go home – so I decided that it was a romantic idea to go over to the back door that she tells me she uses. I set a necklace that I have had for a long time back in a little crack or sorts behind conduit and then I set one more purple rock near it to grab her attention.
I’d like to think that it was much more likely for her to see any of than than my black rocks on asphalt getting ran over by cars. …and that is my story as to where my mind goes when I see one of my snowflake obsidian polished rocks.
In unrelated news – last night as I was trying to say something incredibly intimate, I accidently included – and I fantasize about you often in not so many words. It was at least 3AM many hours later before that occurred to me. She has very much already replied to my confessions in the most positive way but that didn’t stop it from keeping me up for hours realizing just what all those words actually said.
That night my heart was still echoing Uninvited
When that song started playing the night that I was at the show – I had the most 90s moment that I don’t even think that most people will understand so I will explain it to myself as this entire site is just documentation.
Somewhere as the confusion set it, wondering why I had never heard these words before on one my absolute favorite albums of all time. In that moment, the sound clip from the start of Rufio’s Like A Virgin from Pop goes Punk played in my head.
Actual clip because that’s no help:
And well, if you don’t know Dogma, then you don’t know. But I watched her sign Uninvited with so many questions about life and in that second, I would have sworn that I had never heard it before – just because I did skip a few of the songs. Perfect was too slow and sad for me as a kid too – but Mary Jane was just fine.
But don’t you worry, it doesn’t take very many electrons to make this unstable isotopes do a 360.
• byadmin • InMusic, Punk Rock • Comments Off on Someone said it’s all right
There was a time in my life that I thought that The Offspring and Sublime were quite similar in my eyes, no necessarily their music but my thoughts and feelings towards them both. At this point, The Offspring has by fast surpassed Sublime on the list of things I enjoy listening to – many of my friends would disagree. Sometime in 2005, I made an MP3 CD that would not be surpassed for the foreseeable future – it included my two favorite Offspring songs: “Bad Habit” and “No Brakes.” That CD stayed in that car for the rest of that car’s existence as I knew it and might still be in that CD player to this day depending on how much luck the man has had that I sold it to for a disappointing and desperate $500.
If you are a human and reading this – there is a good chance you understand how I feel about the foreseeable future. It has made it way into the list or words I would rather not repeat so forget that I even brought attention to that for no reason at all.
I was angry for the next decade. It would take some deep soul searching and maybe a few gmail searches to reflect back and try and figure out when I lost the chip on my shoulder and decided to concentrate on the future instead of the past. I am not sure if anyone else in my life noticed but I would guess it was somewhere around 2015 give or take some years.
I won’t turn this into a Garbage post and I will give it all to one 90s band but it is true to say that I was angry when I met her.. and I try really hard to convert that anger into understanding now. Once I reach the level of understanding, I just want love, attention and a little comforting – so I don’t even know how far I have come but I like to think that I am much better for her now than I was before. Plus, my ticket for no registration didn’t go to a collections agency.. it was everything else in recent times that has.. That is just another petty remark that shouldn’t be said and appears to have absolutely no basis at all and should be laughed at in good humor but it reminds me that I am not as mature as I want to be, no matter how hard I try.
Just hearing these songs reminds me about how mad I used to be at life.
No Brakes (1998)
I might suck at it, but the important part is that I try
This morning something quite unexpected happened. I doubt that I will forget it so for now the details won’t be anywhere but in my heart but I will leave a few notes for myself for when I decided I need to know, years down the line.
To see a train in your dream represents conformity. You are just going along with what everyone else is doing. Alternatively, a train means that you are very methodical. You need to lay things out specifically and do things in an orderly and sequential manner. In particular, if you see a freight train, then it refers to the burdens and problems that you are hauling around. It is also symbolic of manual labor. If you see a passenger train, then it relates to mental work.
To dream that you are on a train symbolizes your life’s journey. It suggests that you are on the right track in life and headed in the right direction. Alternatively, the dream means that you have a tendency to worry needlessly over a situation that will work out in the end.
To see hair in your dream signifies sexual virility, seduction, sensuality, vanity, and health. It is indicative of your attitudes. If your hair is knotted or tangled, then it is symbolic of uncertainty and confusion in your life. You may be unable to think straight. If you dream that you make a drastic change to your hairstyle, then it means that you are taking a drastic, new approach to some issue in your waking life.
To dream that you are combing, stroking or styling your hair suggests that you are taking on and evaluating a new idea, concept, outlook, or way of thinking. You may be putting your thoughts in order and getting your facts straight. A more literal interpretation suggests your concerns about your self-image and appearance.
To dream that you have long hair indicates that you are thinking long and carefully before making some decision. You are concentrating on some plan or situation. Dreaming that you have hair so long that it gets in your way suggests that your thoughts and/or ideas are preventing you from moving forward. Perhaps you are doing too much thinking and not taking any action.
To dream that you are reaching for or running your fingers through someone’s hair suggests that you are trying to connect with that person on a spiritual or intellectual level. It also refers to sympathy, protectiveness, and fraternal love.
Today, I did and said things that I thought twice about, thought I should keep to myself but shared with her anyway. There was something in the back of my mind in my brother, Stephen’s voice, saying that I may never get the chance that I wait for. He would have told me to live in the moment if he was here and I saw him days before he died – so that changes ones perspective.
I told her about my dream and we were both a bit surprised when our dreams over lapped. That’s the only words that I have for it right now. My dream was quite life-like, the type that get my attention and are stuck echoing for days leaving me questioning if it actually happened or not. I couldn’t tell you where I was or what I was doing specifically. I can say that I know how I was laying in the dream, how I felt, who I was with and that I had started to fall asleep in the dream and it seemed as if I woke up for work as I fell asleep in my dream. It’s moments like this that remind me that there so so much more to life that I am giving it.
I started talking to Couch Boy about BladeRunner today and he said a few things about the premise and it made me want to see it even more and left me questioning how she would feel about BladeRunner 2049 or whatever year that new one is. I will find a moment to ask.
I’ve got better things to do than survive I’ve got the memory of your warm skin in my hands And I’ve got a vision of blue sky and warm land I’m cradling the hardest, heaviest part of me in my hands
Something has got to change. I work too hard to feel this way about my house.
I started a list when I was upset about Couch Boy that I never intended to give him but more to collect my thoughts for when I could bring up such items, hopefully not all at the same time, that’s quite overwhelming for anyone.
Please Stop:
Leaving wet clothes in the washer
Leaving the coffee pot on when no one is home
Putting the toilet seat behind the metal bar of the shelf thing
Moving items to new locations like the mops
Putting plastic bags under the sink (roaches)
Please:
Take the dogs out before you leave the house
Lock the door behind you if you won’t be home before 8 PM
Leave the lights on in the living room between 10 AM and 10 PM on weekends
A friend was over and saw my list. She read it and laughed and said the he complains about half of the items I am irritated with. The thing is, I have set up my life so that I don’t need anyone else and by the looks of people around me, that doesn’t seem to be a common practice – so the fact that I help out nearly 6 other people on a daily basis is starting to get to me.
The reason that I mention this is that I have never asked for anyone that lives with me, 3 of those 6, for any money for bills or rent – I just pay it all despite their electricity consuming habits, internet addictions and disregard for manners when it comes to food that I primarily buy. I can’t tell you how many times I have come to eat something that I bought for the first time and it is already completely gone. At this point, I feel like i have 2 teenage sons – one with a part-time job that can not afford to pay him. The problem is that they are about 36 and 32 and I am not getting any younger either, but I am somewhere in between and should not have to deal with this shit from either of them, but definitely not Couch Boy.
The part that really bothered me was when she went on to tell me that he felt dehumanized because I let my friend, Willa, stay in my brother’s room for the night to watch some TV show that wasn’t kid appropriate. She was having to bunk with the 8 year old next-door because the 4 year old’s grandma was there and took the couch. I had plenty of room, it seemed normal to offer to let her stay in my makeshift room that I have organized for my brother.
I put a TV in there and she used the Xbox to watch some Zoo show. It was nothing the 8 year old needed to see – but somehow, I didn’t tell my guest that is wearing his welcome. I picked him up in January, so maybe it’s about that time. He used to be appreciative and clean. He would always do the dishes and mop the floor but now he is dehumanized when I let someone stay at my house without running it through him.
He must think that he has some sort of say around here. If I was staying somewhere for free, which I haven’t ever except when I lived with my dad until I was 21 because school said that I had to be there or in a dorm, and well, I was too straight-phobic for that. They would have probably hated me and I am not about to go somewhere I think someone will hate me, so I stayed home, but I have been working since I was 16 and I haven’t taken many breaks – ever, so when I see people spending years of their life living off of me, I start to get defensive.
I think that my psych would be proud. The only thing I got out of our visit the other morning was that I needed to set boundaries. He said it in a tone that meant he knew that it was easier said than done but at least we were on the same page. Every time I go in there – he asks me a series of questions about my sleep and my social interactions. I feel like he wants me to say more because then he says things like, “Sounds like you are married to your work, its okay, a lot of us are.” We talked about my mom – so far I have not found anyone that has given me any trouble about what I did – but I know people can tell it bothers me, because I have gotten plenty of reassurance.
Maybe jail is the best place for her. My texts have ran out and I don’t really want to spend the money that I have on them. Her last text said to use her card information to spend $50 out of her account, she insisted. She knows that our texts cost 50 cents each way, I remind her because sometimes each of us forgets, at least I do. I see her text and reply with my first sentence thought and then realize that I just paid 2 cents a character.
I can’t tell you how many times I have been called selfish in my life, even while over giving to help someone. It boggles my mind. I am sure that I am selfish, because that sounds efficient to me, but if I was so selfish, I feel like I would have a lot more at this point.
I really hate to say it, but I start to notice when I have forgotten to take my medicine just a few days it. Today makes 3. I cleaned the bathroom and apparently, if its out of site, I forget about it. If only life were so simple, but once again – I really won’t ever wish for that again.
Emotions and feelings seem to be a big struggle. It seems easier to just take medicine and avoid them at all cost, but what about when you start to miss them? Then there is always the moment when you are reminded that those are what seem to get you in trouble.
For some reason, I am back to where I was about 20 years ago – feeling like my family is completely embarrassed of me and that I would be better off if I just didn’t like / care about anyone at all – but I remember that and it was a sad pointless time in my life.
Today, when I saw this video again, I wondered if I was the boy or if I was the dog. It felt all too familiar – and something that I don’t even want to talk about and don’t share with anyone. There is actually not a person in the world that I tell them how I feel about them. Though I do my best to be as open as possible with one – then I always start to panic – because what if.
I have never heard this song before, but I guess I found it tonight. I really would never listen to it but I guess I need some songs that I have never posted before.
Now how about some more gay ass music since I am secure in my sexuality – when I don’t think about it too long, that is.
Laugh if you but this is the best one yet.
I like it when she sings other people’s music – but hers is awful. But damn, I do love Sarah McLaughlin. I never really understood exactly what this song was all about – but I have always been quite partial.
• byadmin • InEmo rap, Pop Rock, Punk, Rock • Comments Off on I can’t grow a mustache and I ain’t got no season pass
There was a time in my life that I was embarrassed by how much I loved Bowling for Soup, but now I embrace my nerdiness. I think it helps that I may be the least socially awkward at work, which never happens – but I can’t keep up with these people that have dedicated their life to being nerds – at least I have tried to resist.
The I catch myself going and doing some shit like this:
Here I was working on my video editing. I couldn’t help but think about the night at Showdown that I know I bucked up when some guy was flirting with her in front of me. We have a very unusual relationship and as the years passed, I realized why we never went in public – but I could care less at this point.. I wonder if Candace noticed, I can only imagine it lead to the comment about that we should date. Anyway – back to my story, as she flooded my mind, I decided to send her a message with only a heart. I didn’t think that she would see it until tomorrow, but she saw it pretty quickly. That’s really all the attention that I needed to warm my heart – and I have no idea what she even thinks – but I am just happy that she notices me.
Last night, I was reminded that if I had a theme song, it would probably be this:
