I can’t imagine why I would post such a song on my lunch break, but I guess songs like that get to me every time.
Pop
Pop music is a genre of popular music that originated in its modern form in the United States and United Kingdom during the mid-1950s. The terms “popular music” and “pop music” are often used interchangeably, although the former describes all music that is popular and includes many diverse styles.
They’re talkin’ about you and it’s bringin’ me down
Today, I heard this song on the radio… and it took me back to the day my sister and niece saw her at walmart when she was buying her bike. The look on my sister’s face when she was talking to me about it said… “Sis.. believe what you want, but your lady is bi.. and with a guy.” Why couldn’t she have been wrong.. just this once.
I often wonder if I am convincingly over her.. but I am sure she sees right through it. It’s one of those things when you are glad people can see right through you, but at least your trying.
Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead
There is so much that I could say about this, but I still decide it is best to stay as quite as possible. I know how I feel and its hard to ignore all the ideas that cross my mind. After an unexplained chain of events, each of our last names are on my mailbox. It’s something that will make me smile to myself each day that I check the mail, until I realize it is just a piece of paper in a mailbox. I’ve had the best, most confusing feelings. My desire to do right and my passion for her seem to conflict quite often.
Her email echos through my heart…
which seems to be much more pleasant than the craigslist post that echoed in my head last December. One day things are going to change, I can feel it..
When I went on my lunch break from work, this was the song on the radio. You know that I blasted it in the parking lot.. shamelessly.
I’ve got your picture, he’s got you.
When I suddenly ended up with more free time than I knew what to do with, my friends tried to help. Maddie had heard me talk about records. I didn’t know much about them. It was only in the last year that I ever sat down and listened to a record. When she saw my interest peak, she gave me a small Jensen record player that she had extra. It had internal speakers and she thought it sounded like shit. I showed her the connections on the back and told her how to hook up real speakers to it but since she already had a better one, she said it was all mine.
I have collected some records from half priced books and bought a few from my friend that used to own the hemp store downtown. Torie gave me my most recent record. It’s called The Original 22 Countrypolitan hits. It’s about as emotional as the greatest hits of Eddie Arnold that I bought because I used to listen to it with my grandma in the car. I guess I had never had my heart broken at that time because I hear a lot more in these songs now.
I would be lying if I said each of those didn’t make me think of someone and cry just the slightest tear.
‘All day, all night, I’ll be waitin’ standby’
The work day did not go well. Every song on the radio was suddenly speaking to me. I made it all the way to my second call before my caller shared her first name with my heart breaker. I hadn’t cried yet. It was just before lunch when my manager decided to monitor my phone calls and nit pick me at the wrong time. The calls come in back to back so when she wants to give me feedback she just walks over and starts talking to me over my caller, as if I can hear what they are both saying. It’s like, “Don’t let anything distract you from your caller, unless it’s me.” But anyway, she pointed out that I ‘didn’t even attempt’ to sell them tv service or cell phone service. That’s where I would stop and argue if I thought it would get me anywhere.. Oh I attempted, I am sure that it was there in the back of my mind somewhere, but there was no appropriate moment in conversation to fit it in without sounding like a complete tool.
So after she tells me about how I can’t do my job right and reminds me to be consistent, I can’t do much to keep me from just busting into tears. Over the last 5 months, work has become increasingly more stressful. They disbanded the department that I was working in and decided that we were all going to sales. I am no sales person. I can’t even sell myself to the woman that I love. Three more calls come in before lunch, my voice quivered and if anyone was paying attention they would have known how hard I was fighting back the tears.
Over the last 8 years I have learned to stay pretty professional under pressure, call centers will teach you that. It was more than I could take today, so I said I was sick and just left. There’s a good chance that my manager was listening to my next calls too. Who knows what she thought.
Yesterday after I came home from talking to her, I went to a friend’s house because I didn’t want to be alone. I didn’t say a word. One of the two women present liked to poke fun at the whole thing. It wasn’t something I was ready to face or talk about. It must have been apparent that something was wrong. My friend asked if anything had happened with my grandma or if i had lost my job. That made me feel like I wasn’t looking so good and, well, I already know that I don’t have a poker face. They made me tell them and I simply muttered out that she didn’t want to talk to me anymore. They seemed to understand where she was coming from and respect her for having the courage to walk away from me. There’s no way to fully understand but I am trying so hard to.
When I was driving home and Selena Gomez’s song caught my attention, I was even more disappointed than when I liked the Wrecking Ball video. My super cool chick would have been so disappointed in my sell out self. Too bad she’s not around to show me good music anymore.
Updated: March 2018, image and tags