Folk music includes traditional folk music and the genre that evolved from it during the 20th-century folk revival. Some types of folk music may be called world music.
I have been struggling for about 2 years and trying to end this relationship and now that it’s done, I feel extremely lost. A lot of my friends have contacted me and assured me that I was doing the right thing. I have been filled with rage and fear. When I went to the doctor, she said my blood preasure was high and she could tell that I was nervous. She refilled my emergency medicine, which I have been afraid to ask to have refilled because last time they wanted me to pee in a cup. I panicked and they didn’t.
Her best friend has been talking to me and I feel like she is on my side. She reassures me that my actions are inline with any stable person’s reaction.
Tomorrow, I take Dutchess in to get surgery on her fatty lumps and skin tags because they could be cancerous. This is all too much for me. Some dirty chick is nextdoor with the kids I love or out getting drunk with someone I thought cared about me a little more than she does. I want to go for a run but I am sad to say that I would rather not go out alone without anyone to tell where I am.. and well, right now, that’s where I am. I have no one to tell where I will be for the first time in a few years. I have been yearning for it and even begging for it and here I am – finding myself lonely. I told myself that I would do all these productive things if I had time to myself again, but instead I obsess over what she is doing and with whom.
I always have to remember that I should be able to handle what I ask for. I have been trying to find a way out of this relationship for a while now, but when she moves on before I realize that we are actually broken up – it hurts. Not to mention, it didn’t help that it’s the mechanic that she met since we have been together. She has been obsessed with her ever since and even kicked my brother out of our house when he was talking shit about her.
I let her come in my house, smoked with her and she took my believed to be girlfriend out on New Years Eve. For some reason, I didn’t expect to be so offended and defensive, but I guess that is what my life has become. My old friends will be glad to have me back, but it will be hard gathering them all up. One of the last women that I dated – years ago – has already had a baby, left her boyfriend and gotten back with him – not that I am keeping tabs. Then well, my favorite friend still can’t or won’t talk to me anymore – so that’s always fun and difficult. The only reason that I ever thought it would be a good idea to be in a relationship in the first place, is I thought it would help guys trust me with their girlfriends but apparently, I’ve gone and fucked that one up.
For whatever reason, I hear this song nearly daily and think about her every time. I think back to the conversation when she told me that she may regret some decisions that she had made. I always read too far into anything that she said. I wanted to think that she regretted choosing C over me when faced when the situation so long ago – though I am sure that she didn’t think that I was a possibility.. seeing that she lived with him and I had no idea.. It’s weird to think about a lot of things like that.
My brother met her once, she came over and we hung out in my room. He had already had preconceived notions about her and it all changed when he met her. He would say things like, “She is just not into you… you’re just going to have to find a way to get over her.” and from time to time, before he knew her at all, just thought she was a stuck up bitch taking advantage of the fact that I was completely head over heels for her.. typical reaction from a brother, but when he met her… he said he really liked her ans she could see why I was always.. caught up in her. I guess he just saw our connection, which is not normal for a brother that could careless about what I do in that manner.
I always wondered what it would have been like to be able to meet her father. What would it have been like in an alternate universe?
And to express my ever changing mood, I will throw in one more random song that I feel like listening to:
This song was popular as my heart originally broke. I wouldn’t changing meeting her if I had the chance. I might change the way that I reacted.
Just when I think that I have my emotions under control, they consume me, keep me up all hours of the night and remind me of who I really am. Pills and busying myself only lasts so long. Em is at her fathers house, laying under a roof that he won’t sleep under anymore… I am sure that her thoughts are racing right now. It makes me completely guilty to be emotional in anyway at this point.
The night before the concert, I was leaving my friend’s house when I glanced over and saw how empty it looked down the road. The porch light was not on. There were no cars in the drive way. Of course, I took the long way home to see why it looked so different in that direction. I haven’t had a chance to go back but as I passed, I felt relief that her bedroom light was on until I noticed that it looked nearly completely empty inside. I had the classic fear of being pulled out of your school and moved across the country, suddenly, I felt like i had lost a best friend.
With 700 miles of driving, I had plenty of time to reflect and think.. I am left hoping she is happy and enjoying life.
