Folk

Folk music includes traditional folk music and the genre that evolved from it during the 20th-century folk revival. Some types of folk music may be called world music.

Your basic average super star

• by admin • In Alternative rock, Indie Folk, Music, Rock, Soft Rock •   0

This song ended just as I pulled up to my house after work. I let it resonate for a moment and I was taken back to nearly a year ago.

Before I get into that, I will mention that I have a friend because he liked the line above, the title to this post, that I have on my facebook page – and he met me in an Ani DiFranco but didn’t recognize it. I suppose it is hard to know all of her songs. So far I think I have covered her first 5 albums from start to finish and I plan to continue but I am moving through them as I read her book and so far they seem to match up and it gives me a deep sense of understand that I couldn’t appreciate more.

Twenty years ago, I was learning about feminism. I feel like I have taught a lot of people a lot but things started getting out of control and feminists started getting a bad name. I have admitted to being sexist and have tried really hard to work on that character flaw and I believe that I have come along way but this song reminds me why things are different this time.

People that have always identified as lesbian probably understand my little lesbian brain that I have yet to fully comprehend. It is so much deeper that the surface and that’s why I don’t let anyone’s critical remarks get to me.

Before my brother met her, he would give me a hard time. He has asked me – so what is so great about SaidLady and we usually have some generic discussion about it – but he is as stubborn and judgmental as they come. There was a point, years ago, that he tried to be really sensitive and explain to me that she might just not be into me. He was completely sincere and was trying to help but it wasn’t long before I felt like I understood why she said what she said that day she told me not to talk about her to my friends.

I feel its a level of maturity that I had not reached yet and then I am reminded it’s probably because we live in this tiny town and I know everyone – that’s not quite true but I am getting there. There’s no telling why that conversation was had but I have done my best to never talk about her but once in a while a smile will be followed by her name in some matter – always her first name, it could be anyone.. that same anyone – all of the time, so a few people this I am insane and I could care less. The activist that is typically in an altered state finds it absolutely adorable – she is one that I had to tell that I was in love with someone else. I think I used that excuse over 10 times when people thought they wanted to get close to me. Anyone that is in it for the right reason will back off real fast – but I have found, when someone just wants your money, attention and children skills, they could care less if you are in love with someone else.

She asked me to hang out the day that I bought the Placebo Album, Sleeping with Ghosts at Kiss n Fly or whatever Sundance was at that moment in time. I met 2 friends and went to the sandwich shop next door when I unexpectedly walked right up to C to order. I nervously over-tipped him and then my awkward friend, L, did too. He brought us jalapeno poppers so he must like me… but we were not tough enough to eat them anyway.

It was a great gesture, especially since I had found an emotion that I did not know existed – what was it? I still don’t know. How do people in the military feel when they come in contact with enemy civilians? I feel like it was something like that. You just look at them, can’t help but make eye contact. Try to make the interaction as brief as possible and hope no one gets killed – what emotion is that?

Can’t you get that with me

• by admin • In Folk, Grammy Nominee, Hard Rock, Heartland rock, Indie Folk, Music, Rock •   Comments Off on Can’t you get that with me

Tonight, was one of those nights that restored my faith in at least one human being – well, there was really no restoring to be done – it has been just fine but I was trying to be cleaver somewhere in there.

This morning, I had to wake up early to go a couple blocks away to the psych doctor – I just do it for cheap medicine and so that I can assure anyone that thinks I am unhealthy that I see tons of doctors in all sorts of fields so I must have my shit together, right? I clearly don’t know how that works but I did bake cookies today after work – that’s kind of epic.

I was planning on mixing stuff together from a box like brownies until I realized it didn’t seem to be that easy. I looked at the ingredients on the chocolate chips for the cookies and decided the would probably prefer I didn’t screw it up so I opted for cookie dough and I think they turned out well. I didn’t eat any but they weren’t burnt.

The rest of that story will stay in my memory but I can say that I turn into the oddest little bird for her.

Though my life’s been short my pain’s been long

• by admin • In Folk, Music •   0

Lately, I have felt like my emotions have been quite… present. I am not sure what to say about this, but I have found myself following in love with albums that touched my soul as I tried to figure things out just out of high school. Here I am, still trying to figure out how to act with other people.

I guess it doesn’t matter that I’m sayin’ that I love you
Because you don’t believe me anyway
But still I’m screaming that I love you and I’m driving myself crazy
And I’m making you insane

Doria Roberts, Restoration Album

You know, it is those silent moments that leave me in the deepest thought. I try my hardest to avoid it. I try to stay away from the sweetest words that I have ever read. There are all there in my email, but I don’t go back, because I am usually just embarrassed of myself. When I came across a screenshot from an email that she sent me on 7/20/2014, I only read her reply. I didn’t read the two I sent before or the one that I sent after, or I would just feel ridiculous, because I know that I am – but I feel like she understands. If she doesn’t, she tries her very best to. It doesn’t help me love her less.

we met in a dream

• by admin • In Dreams, Folk, Indie Folk, Music •   0

I appreciate that I have always been perceived as quite innocent and caring. It’s not common anymore and as risque as I like to think that I can be, there is always someone that will eventually hear about it and the giggle and say something like, “Oh hunny…” and well, that puts me in a strange place, because I am intelligent to know what they are implying with their tone, but I can’t even imagine what they could be thinking about at that very moment. Things I have only seen, and tried to ignore, in movies.

It is so rare that I even want to watch a movie or TV anymore. I don’t like the way that it can make me feel. So much so, that I still remember exactly how she calmed me down when we saw that movie in the theater. If you know me, you know that I said that word with an accent and I have grown to expect people to laugh and say, “What?” but that just shows me how many people have moved to this area. Locals rarely notice my accent.. so I guess I have one. Anyway – I am nervously rambling. We saw Dallas Buyers Club and another similar movie. I can’t tell you which one we saw in the theater or which one we saw at my house, but I can tell you what room we were in, how my bed was and where my computer was. For all of the time that I lived in that house, it was the smallest period that I stayed in my brothers room, but at that time, I was. My bed was in the same position when I woke up with those images in my head that lead me to get online and find his YouTube channel within a few clicks.

That always freaked me out. It was very “Slumdog Millionaire.” I ended up searching something that had to do with the, “he was a really good boy” song – which I only know from the mowing the yard video. I was somewhat surprised when it came right up, but I had seen that video before. I will divulge the rest of these details in some future moment that is more romantic than this, but back to my story that I have completely lost sight of: The movie we were watching, at the theater, when the sex scene came on, she could tell I was uncomfortable, I didn’t want her to know how weird I was, but it was milliseconds in when she reached over and held my hand or my leg and I was so distracted that I could focus on that instead of whatever else I had been struggling with. I never forgot that moment, though it kind of embarrasses me to be an adult that still struggles with PDA. I am not wildly religious but I can see where my grandparents raising me for a good portion of my life has reflected in my adult life.

I really have no idea how I ended up here but through that typing and having this song stuck in my head all day, I questioned if maybe she has an autistic sister. There was this time I was having a melt down I suppose, I feel like it was pretty to myself but I must have said something – I know I told her I thought I was autistic because I was just so embarrassed with my life and was trying to figure out why I lacked such basic skills. I don’t know what she said, but whatever was wrong was instantly better. I try not to look back, but I have all the emails if I wanted to see what the hell I’m talking about – but I don’t but I love that I love someone that I feel like understands me. It doesn’t happen often.

maybe i’m supposed to make one of my famous jokes 
that makes everything okay 
or maybe i’m supposed to be the handsome prince 
who rides up and unties your hands 
or maybe i’m the furrow-browed friend 
who thinks she understands 

Album: Little Plastic Castle

And it’s my first time for this kind of thing

• by admin • In Folk, Rock •   0

As I listened to the album, Dilate, way too many times, I start to pay more attention to a few lines at the end.

Somehow, all of my thoughts flow as I drive in my car, but at home I am rarely alone with my thoughts these days, so they will have to wait, I guess.

My brother is planning on leaving to Seattle in a week. I have mixed feelings about it all – but I am keeping on my attempt to trust people in what they need, so I am supporting him and helping him get on his feet there. All while fearing that something will happen to him or Grandma while he is gone. That may be that PTSD limiting my life again. I am glad that he can get past it or doesn’t have a fear of loss, whichever it is.

This is a girl girl thing

• by admin • In Blue-Eyed Soul, Grammy Nominee, Heartland rock, Indie Folk, Music, Soft Rock •   0

Tonight was Lez Prom.  Months ago, I was under the impression I was going, then she was taking the new girl, then she said I was the back up if the new girl didn’t want to go – and then she ended up taking her best friend because she thinks I want to get back with her.  She doesn’t understand when I feel disrespected and used, she thinks that I am jealous, but really, I just don’t want to watch her kids so that she can go out with someone.

She ended up getting drunk and asking her best friend to take her to the new girl’s house.  The best friend texted me asking if I was up because she was crying because Maddison was being a bitch to her and didn’t give a fuck about her feelings. It’s pretty bad when you exes best friend confides in you because she’s so mean.

It was nice to not care in the least.  I expected to feel a little left out, but instead, I went to a friends house and helped them pack.  I couldn’t keep M off my mind or the few words that meant more than I could imagine.   I woke up feeling stronger than ever.  I’ve resisted saying much to her, because I am sure that her situation is quite sensitive and I want to be aware so that I don’t cause any trouble.

My friends used to joke that the only way to get me to clean my house was to say that M was coming over.  It was a running joke, apparently I don’t give a fuck quite often.. and then there she was.  Everything else disappeared.  Either way, I feel like cleaning my room and have been doing a great job.. I guess I just don’t want her to ever see what a mess I can be – but I am sure that she is quite aware.

Sometimes I wonder when you sleep
Are you ever dreaming of me?
Sometimes when I look into your eyes
I pretend you’re mine, all the damn time
‘Cause I like you