Country
Country music, also known as country and western (or simply country), and hillbilly music, is a genre of popular music that originated in the southern United States in the early 1920s. It takes its roots from genres such as American folk music (especially Appalachian folk and Western music) and blues.
I know you didn’t bring me out here to drown
I’ve been having a really hard time lately. Its just been constant anxiety but I get through. Today, I found out that my mom is in jail again for ‘simple assault’ for the 3rd fucking time. I know that is not good but I can only hope that she gets the help that she needs.
On a completely unrelated note, my brother was singing to this song today and I fell in love with it. Now I am back to what I would consider imaginary issues that are nearly non existent at this point.
Now he is playing a song that I have seen send people into a PTSD breakdown.
Since I fear death for everyone around me so badly lately, just hearing him sing it brings tears to my eyes and a deep pain in my heart. My mother has suffered from alcoholism my entire life and all of my siblings have suffered from it in one way or another. I may not have a problem with drinking too much but I do have deep seeded issues with alcoholics.
His play list is getting to sad for me and leaving me crying… The only songs that I know that hurt more are in my brother’s memorial video. I can never hear those songs without difficulty.
What’s He Doing in My World?
I went to another baby shower for another cousin. As I put my records away, trying to figure out which way should be up, I decide to send an email. While composing that email, I remember inviting her to my other cousin’s baby shower. She gave me the realest answer, which is all I ever wanted. She was too shy in a way and baby showers weren’t really her thing.. I wanted to remind her that they weren’t really my thing either – but I knew how my family would react if a brought a female guest, so I understood and went alone.
The last record that I put on the shelf before I sent the email was The Magic of Eddie Arnold. My grandma used to play his tapes in the car when we went on long road trips. He might be the most famous for “Cattle Call” but my favorite songs are below. Sometimes I wonder how M and T feel about the woman in my life.. I am sure they could care less, but what if I am wrong?
What have I become my sweetest friend.
doday, 101 X reminded me that Johnny Cash could put Trent Reznor in his place any day. This is only a compliment, I love Nine Inch Nails and I have a lot of respect for it all, when I was in high school, I didn’t understand and I was offended that a country singer would attempt a Nine Inch Nails song. A decade later, I hear it on the radio and it says something new that I have never heard before. I never thought that I would be the liar.
I must just be emotional today because the next song was Oasis’s Champagne Supernova which is another song that I have hear thousands of times, but it also seemed to send a message. Every day I feel like I learn something new about emotions. I wonder if I will ever understand.
Back in high school, I wasn’t really aware that Johnny Cash was a bad ass. I grew up in the country and despised much of the culture. It didn’t help that society had perpetuated that.
Fillin’ up my mind and emptying my heart
I was driving on I-20 on my way to Shreveport for work when this next song caught my attention. It was only a few lines in and I was distracted. You may not know this but East Texas has a poor selection for music on the radio and I can only imagine that 11 pm isn’t the best time to search for good music. It was then that I decided that this was going to be one of the next songs that I learned to play on bass.
Garth Brooks “What She’s Doing Now”
Today, I presented it to my brother, he pointed out how it is so obviously out-dated. Despite the lack of modernism, I am still going to run with it. You actually can’t just look up anyone on facebook to see how they are doing all of the time.. if you ever want to make someone really miss you, delete your facebook, I suppose. We also discussed that numbers changing aren’t as common with cell phones either, but then again – I know plenty of people that have had several numbers in the last few years.. soo yes, in 1991 this song may have had a slightly different circumstance, it could still all hold true.
As large as life she stood there
It had been a good while since I had talked to her last. Almost exactly a month, because the first day that I hung out with the gf, I told her about how I had gotten drunk the night before. I am way too honest. I explained why I was upset, what I said and how she didn’t say much. She reassured me the next day but then we didn’t talk again until this weekend. This song came on in my dad’s truck sometime last week. It reminded me that I probably… that I won’t be going to visit her next month as I had planned.. its about 2 weeks away. It’s been three years. My new girlfriend was helping me clean my room.. and mentioned my calendar that is left on July 2013.. These are the moments that get me in trouble.
That I never wanna get myself free
These are not songs that I willingly listened to, but sometimes my rock star brother sets my play list for the day without any input from myself. I thought that we were going to play some Jimmy Buffett but now I am listening to 38 Special coming from the living room in the tune of my brother. He sounds better than the originals, don’t get me wrong, but I would choose something else – and then it made me thing.
For the first time, I heard every word. These are songs that he sings daily. Now I just wanted to be in her arms and know that – know that something. I’m pretty sure that my heart beats a little differently when I think about it too much.
I’m Not The Kind Of Girl You’d Bring Home
Today, as I drove home from work on my lunch break, the radio took me back… the first song is one that I have always loved… Here’s a little Sheryl Crow.
If I thought that I was going to escape that thought process quickly.. I was wrong. I may have woken up thinking about her… but it wasn’t going to end there. The next song that came on was a song that I started dreading about a year ago, when I actually had heard the words. I feel like it was about this time last year. I know that I was headed to get my hair cut and I even remember where I parked on the square to allow the song to finish before I turned off my car to get out… now I hear the words intensely, as if someone was speaking to me.. or more like.. her. It’s a good way to make me feel inadequate quickly. I am sure that it has nothing to do with what she meant the song to be about.. but it sounds quite clear to me.
Honestly, it hurts a little, every time that I hear the song..
You would think that I would stop listening to it. As I listen to it too many times and watch the words play above.. makes me realize – that we are all 3 so similar in personality, that it seems caddy but its really just this whole ball of tension that I will never be able to understand or explain. This song gets to me about as much as the Gotye song. and the last line. the last line always makes my stomach sink and picture what my own custom video would like look in that song. he would be singing the entire song. im not even phased that its a female singer – someone. i always see her face at the end, saying that all miley cirus wrecking ball style.. i should go watch that and cry.. i am so much more emotional that most people know. i feel like we all struggle with sexuality and gender in some way. i never really thought that about him but i know that growing up he was smaller than most of the guys and he’s not that tall now.. i dont know how being a guy works.. i avoid them most of the time. life has beome so complicated that i dont even know anymore. i just see patterns and try to come up with a reason. there is no reason or solution, just continue to do what youre supposed to be doing and everything will work out. it may be the biggest lie that i have ever told myself, but only time can tell.