This is my future dream date.
Dreams
I will think before I act
I will think twice
Tonight I did a thing. It wasn’t really for the Easter spirit but more to see her smile and it just happened to be a convenient excuse. I’ve had this necklace charm for a while now for her. It is of the trolley in SF and when you hold it up to the light, there is a picture of the golden gate bridge.
I put it on a silver chain that I had in a box from when I was a kid, because to me that is more important than anything I could currently buy – which isn’t too much due to the Corona Virus crap. Then I wrote a few notes and put it in a plastic container. After I had a dream of hiding it for her in an egg – I found a plastic egg in my house and planned to do just that. As I sat her last night, I decided I needed it to be more fun – so I created a mini beach in the egg. Well, I took some clean sand that I have on hand for when I change out the gecko tank so I filled it up half way, I searched my house for a packet of salt and added it in there with a note that said “Mini beach, just add water.”
Then I put my plastic treasure box and my mini beach in the egg and sealed it up. No one has seen that part yet. I proceeded to seal up the egg with electrical tape and decorate it. Now it looks like the artistic mess that one might expect to come from me. Once the design started smearing, I put it in a plastic bag – so let’s see how this goes.
Naturally, I messaged her this wonderful treasure map and told her where to find my magical egg. There will be no bean stock but I hope that it beings happiness to her weekend. I have never really done anything like that before but in my heart, I thought it would be remember-able.
you are the one-way glass
that watches me
standing in line at the bank
I always looked into your glasses
like a cat looks into a fish tank
but all i could ever see
was the specter of me reflected
I want a monument of the friendship
that we never had, erected
I want to take up lots of room
I want it to loom
‘Cause even when I dream of you
Last night I didn’t want to fall asleep, but once she did, it was okay to.
This was written before work – a rarity.
And that’s the trouble with me
As February steadily approaches, I am reminded about my ridiculous emotions, the ones that try to over power with my rational ones. It’s been quite apparent that she is going through much more difficult challenges than I am. I just want to be loved and cared about – which I am. I don’t even pretend to know what’s going on over there – because there is what I believe and the truth and I know that they are not one in the same, so I really have no idea how I should think or feel – so I try to do what’s right all of the time and keep my lesbian beliefs and reactions to a minimum.
The above is all that I completed on January 31st but then I walked off to go busy myself at some point and never finished – so I will cut this short and say this:
On this day, I woke up to see that 7 years prior – I had a dream that I still vaguely remember. My turtles were roaming all over my house. There may have been snakes too but since I didn’t mention that, I am sure that was a different dream but I have had dreams of both. I will go back to dream dictionary today and post what the turtle symbolism is in full but I thought that it was quite interesting that I met the woman that I love just a few minutes later. This tells me that deep down in my heart, I knew that I was feeling withdrawn and really wanted to meet someone that I could really connect with – and then I did.
Here is the post that I woke up to on my facebook memories.
To see a turtle in your dream symbolizes wisdom, faithfulness, longevity, and loyalty. It also suggests that you need to take it slow in some situation or relationship in your life. With time and patience, you will make steady progress. Alternatively, a turtle indicates that you are sheltering yourself from the realities of life. You are putting forth a hard exterior and not letting others in. As a result, you are feeling withdrawn.
To dream that you are being chased by a turtle indicates that you are hiding behind a facade, instead of confronting the things that are bothering you.
For today’s music or shall I say yesterday’s – I will be random as hell and put the first turtle song that entertained me.
Red Hot Chili Peppers: Yertle The Turtle
Yours are the sweetest eyes I’ve ever seen
The dreams continued last night, so much so that I slept until nearly 3 PM. I woke up plenty of times but didn’t want to get out of bed, so I just kept going back to sleep. I felt like I was having a good dream but it may have been a mixture of sorts. I could not tell you where one dream started or stopped, so as far as I know, it was just one big dream. I will grace over s few themes that I felt were important.
This was the second dream to include a bicycle in the last few nights. Each time the bike looked similar. Last night it occurred later in the dream. I was alone and going down a steep bike path. It was rocking and all over the place. I seemed to be doing just fine but when I got to the bottom of the hill it seemed to be a dead end into someone’s house. I started to crawl under a fence and a small dog came up to me and growled. I stepped back and eventually an old man on a golf cart came up on the side of the fence with the house. He told me that I passed the last exit back there about a half of a mile. I looked back up the hill trying to figure out how I could ever get back up there when my friends showed up on the other side and the guy left me go through his fence. At this point in my dream, I didn’t know if she was still with my friends, but there she was with the rescue crew and I was so excited to see that she had not gone home yet.
Prior to that I had been in a panic. My grandmother’s house was being sold and I could not afford to buy it. I was beyond distraught. That is about where my love entered the dream. She was always right there with my trying to help me come up with a plan.
There were several other scenarios in the dream but I can’t even think of them right now. We kept getting separated but every time that I would meet back up with my friends, she was always right there with them smiling at me.
Tonight, I read this article and took a pretty nice picture of the full moon.
According to Dream Moods, Dream Dictionary:
To dream that you are riding a bicycle signifies your desires to attain a balance in your life. You need to balance work and pleasure in order to succeed in your current undertakings. If you have difficulties riding the bicycle, then it suggests that you are experiencing anxieties about making it on your own.
If you are riding a push bike, then it means that you want to move forward at your own pace and by your own power.
To see a bicycle in your dream indicates that you need to devote time to leisurely pursuits and recreation.
If the color of the bicycle was particularly important or memorable, then the dream often relates to specific childhood memories. If you had a yellow bicycle or the neighbor down the street had a red one, then the dream is about what you were going through during that period of your life.
The bicycle in both dreams were grey or silver but I don’t know what that would mean.
To see a house in your dream represents your own soul and self. Specific rooms in the house indicate a specific aspect of your psyche. In general, the attic represents your intellect, the basement represents the subconscious, etc. If the house is empty, then it indicates feelings of insecurity.
If the house is shifting, then it suggests that you are going through some personal changes and changing your belief system. To dream that a house has no walls represents a lack of privacy. You feel that everyone is looking over your shoulder or up in your business.
To see a rock in your dream symbolizes strength, permanence, stability and integrity, as conveyed in the common phrase “as solid as a rock”. The dream may also indicate that you are making a commitment to a relationship or that you are contemplating some changes in your life that will lay the groundwork for a more solid foundation. Alternatively, a rock represents stubbornness, disharmony and unhappiness.
To dream that you are climbing a rock signifies your determination, ambition and struggle. If the rock is particularly steep, then it refers to obstacles and disappointments.
If you are walking on rocks in your dream, then it indicates that you are on shaky ground. You may be involved in an uneasy situation. The dream may also be telling you not to get too comfortable or too arrogant.
Maybe the world is yours?
It finally happened, somehow active shooter emergencies have made their way into my nightmares and to make it even worse, my grandma was involved. As far as I can remember – no one was hurt.
For some reason, there were several women from my family with me and we were sitting in bleachers that resembled a hockey stadium. We were pretty high up in the stadium and there was a barrier in front of us that was high enough to duck behind.
There was some sort of car theft involved and then someone came up to where we were and started shooting a semi automatic rifle into the stands. When we realized what was going on we got my grandma down and I braced myself on top of her, I clenched my teeth and held my breath and with every sound of the gun I expected to be hit.
I don’t remember the ending but as I ducked down there, I wondered when someone would come save us. Why didn’t anyone else have a gun? We were outside and could see where the car had been stolen from. In my dream, I knew the owner of the truck – maybe it was blue, but at this point, I can not recall.
To dream that someone is shooting you with a gun suggests that you are experiencing some confrontation in your waking life. You may be feeling victimized in some situation. If you dream that someone is shooting you in the back, then it means that you are involved with some questionable people who may be harmful to your well-being. It also implies that you are too trusting of others.
To dream that something of yours have been stolen indicates that you are experiencing an identity crisis or are suffering from some sort of loss in your life. Alternatively, the dream means that someone has stolen your success or has taken credit for something you did. Perhaps you feel that you have been treated unfairly.
To see your grandmother in your dream represents nurturance, protection, and unconditional love. Consider the qualities and characteristics that exist in your own grandmother. She may also be the archetypal symbol of the wise old woman.
Bring you comics in bed
There is this dream that I had – it must have been weeks ago. I know that I wrote about it but I won’t link back to it at the moment. The way the dream starts seems to vary because I remember multiple beginnings but in the end I am always at her house.
There’s a part that is becoming more prominent that wasn’t in the first dreams. While we are sitting on the couch right as I get there – the couch is back against the wall that would lead to the kitchen. I have never been there but I have been in the house before so that leads to a whole new level of confusion for my little brain.
As I am sitting on the couch, I look up and concentrate on the beams above me and then look over at the wood burning stove, almost as a way to remind me that this is something very familiar and not to be nervous or afraid as I feel myself – questioning my decision. She seems to be out of the room in those seconds – as I don’t seem to feel the same way when she is near, only in those silent moments in between.
There was a point in time that she would come and go in my life every so often and every time I had managed to grab her attention – in those moments before seeing her, I would be more than nervous. One of my friends, Crys, was over quite often at the time and she would always have a great way of asking me what I was worried about and reminding me – that that something. It reminds me of those moments.
The main point of all of these words is that in my dream, we hang out in the living room for a while. In my dream last night, she turned to me and kissed me somewhat out of nowhere. I feel like I would have noticed if that had happened before. This time she looked at me and smiled. She said, “I know that you think this is a bad idea, but will you come lay down with me.” Her facial expression said a lot more than her words did. I couldn’t help but smile because it was one of the sweetest things I had seen.
I followed her into the dark where there was a TV lighting up the room. He was there, slightly propped up in the back corner of the room on the bed. Watching the TV which was near or in the closet. She laid down, with a good human’s width between them and then I laid down on the edge on her shoulder and she was on her back. From that point it is always the same. She touches me softly and I can’t stop attempting to control my heart rate because I know that she can feel it against her. It may just be getting more detailed each time. The first dream was so fast I nearly had to put a few pieces together.
Maybe – I should just stop thinking about how much I want to fall asleep in her arms every night and maybe then I won’t have such weird dreams.
If it makes you happy
Beautiful Dream
Would you catch me if I fall out of what I fell in
The last couple of days have been challenging because I have a heart and now I know that some people will push you for all that you are worth, but hopefully that is all over. I haven’t had any free moments in peace, so this will be written a day after it is posted for.
Monday night, I had a dream that has only grown in detail since I first woke up and started remembering piece. It feels more like a distant memory. It was enough to make me look up vivid dreams.
When I looked into it, I only confirmed that they are in fact vivid dreams to say the least, which is why CouchBoy has said that he forgets his dreams nearly instantly where I have found myself thinking about a dream that I had days later, only to finally look up the basic themes to then laugh to myself and crawl back into my bed with my loving dogs but not without my attempt to show that I care about her deeply in different words.
So my dream the other night:
We had been talking on the phone, or talking verbally, I am not sure. I could hear her voice and she asked me to come over for a little while. I tried to make a light joke or two about why that would not be a smart move on my part but in just a few words she talked me out of common sense by reassuring me that she would never put me in harms way and I trusted her blindly and proceeded.
There was an ominous feel to walking up to her house. It was that of the knight walking up to an evil castle hesitantly. I looked back down the hill, knowing better than to proceed, but without much though – I walked up to her house and knocked softly. She opened the door near instantly. She hugged me and whispered that it was okay and lead me to the couch where we watched TV and played a game together that involved dice. I can’t remember a single detail about the game besides it involved multiple regular dice.
Eventually we stopped playing and started to nearly fall asleep watching TV. She told me that she was going to bed and I could either come with her or she’s understand if I wanted to go home. I looked at her confuse, as to ask her – why would I want to do that and nearly at the same time, we both looked back to the dark cave-like hallway. Our eyes met, neither of us said a thing, there was an exchange of facial expressions, she took my hand and lead me back to her bed. I can’t explain how emotionally seductive this moment was but it brought back feelings in my dream that I didn’t remember that I had.
Just as I expected, the elephant in the room, but she just climbed into bed with obvious distance from the elephant wanting TV and then pulled me close. I laid with my head on her chest and watched whatever was playing on TV. It didn’t seem as either of us were very interested in what was on TV but we tried ever so hard to act and be interested. It was silent besides a few giggles. I feel like I must have fallen right to sleep because the only thing that I remember about that part besides reminding myself that this was how people got murdered and there was just something symbolic there that can’t be found in a book but the one detail that I do remember was that I had my left hand up her shirt slightly, touching her stomach softly as my heart raced – because, once again, I thought – I might die if I do this – but I did it anyway. That’s what being gay in the country used to be like.
Let me tell you about how I have seen Boys Don’t Cry 1.5 times. That is because I was by myself the second time that I watched it and I did not make it through. I turned it off. It was a DVD or it would have still been at the half way point.
When I woke up and though about it more – I didn’t really think anything about playing games but DreamMoods.com seemed to think that was relevant. There was an entry on bedroom but I felt that was too generic and I am not about that life and then, since the most remember-able part of the dream is touching her stomach, careful not to move wrong while my heart raced – I decided to look up stomachs and then I wondered about how I would come up with this stuff.
The other day, I was fighting with Madd because she was bitching that she needed help packing and she wouldn’t be done in time but she was able to run off to some chicks house and stay out to whatever time the next day. I gave her hell about it because she expected me to pick up her slack and I wasn’t having it. At some point she called me jealous and I just dropped it because the last thing I wanted was for her to think I wanted her – then I realized – fuck – I am jealous. Not jealous of what she thinks I am. I was jealous that she could run off and see who ever it was she was going to see when I know that I shouldn’t even ask to see that lady that I can’t keep off my mind.
Board Games
To see or play board games in your dream signifies your progress in life. How you do in the board game is analogous to the setbacks and accomplishments in your waking life. Consider the name of the board game you are playing in your dream for additional significance.
Dice
To see or play dice in your dream suggests that you are taking chances and playing with fate. It refers to the unpredictability of life. The dream may also be a pun on a situation that may be getting too “dicey”. Consider the significance of the numbers reflected on the dice or how many dice were thrown.
Stomach
To see or touch someone’s stomach in your dream indicates that this person is trying to reach out to you. He or she is trying to connect o you on an emotional level.
Here are a few songs off of No Name Face a sound track that no one wants.
If it was the early 2000s, I would be so much more of a pain in the ass.