Yesterday, I saw the eclipse with her and it was the most magical. Beyond what works could express. The clouds tried to get in the way but it quickly faded into a day that I could never forget.
Here’s some random songs that could be better:
Once I was driving and I saw the best shooting star just as the opening bars to this song played. I remember crying the softest tears to the piano.
I feel like this was a song that I originally learned at nap time from the country station:
Oh how does this random psychic say so many specific things? I can not possibly see so much meaning in every damn video I watch of hers. At first I was like, whatever, I’ll enjoy this adorable video and with to believe in it because it is fun and then she says a phrase that is on my stop me in my tracks list and I don’t know why she would say ‘right some wrongs’ but she did and it kinda of creeped me out. Is this a phrase people really used? It creeped me out the first time I hear it and it was a very impactful moment in my life – so I just chalk it up to being something I don’t really like to hear.
Well this random human on the internet that tells me about my love life is hilarious, so I am glad that she is at least entertaining because somehow she has captured my interest – but I would be hesitant to let anyone actually know that.
..whatever that means
I woke up to a message that was sent to me from the witch friend and it was simply this video.
Until a few days ago, I had not even heard of this person before, but today I will decide to heart this message and I am quite confident that I felt all these ways already but its pretty interesting all the same – if anything, I know that my friend listens to me when I talk and hears messages in the universe that make me smile.
PM Update:
I thought about these words all day and just wondered how and why – but just went on my day and reminded myself to stay present – work has been terrible but I get through it. Even if these are completely random videos, which I guess – they are, those words (probably) are no less untrue. I already believe all that alone, its just a reminder of my imagined other side – but strange to hear in random video all the same.
I’ve had the deepest things that I want to say to her but it would be out of no where – but that’s kind of my thing. I will work on writing something better and sending it soon.
Last update,
I scrolled back through her videos and picked one. It happened to be on my birthday, before I has seen any videos – and this is what I found:
I have been helping my friend work on her tarot website and during our building of the site and finding inspiration she had me watch some tarot readings. She had already seen this one but told me to go watch it because it was certainly for me – so I did.
She had already seen that one but knew that I would love it. A lot of those cards have come up in the past when we were playing around – well she knows what she is doing, I was just playing around and day dreaming.
This morning I decided to watch this girls new video. The one above was from yesterday.
My brother just said the realest shit to me and I don’t know why it is the first time that I have heard it. As he lectured me about things I shouldn’t do – I attempted to explain myself with the cliff notes version. I went back to December of 2013. The day I left work because I was mad about some other girl I didn’t even care about – but my pride was hurt because the cycle was repeating quickly. These were little cycles because I didn’t care, but I was trying to feel better about myself because I was confused and still didn’t understand much at all. I referenced the post that I stumbled across – so excitedly and replied to – and I know in that reply I brought attention to the fact that I had not read the post yet. When reflecting on this moment, I always feel her heart sink as she reads those words. Then we know what happens next, I read the post and a level of confusion that I had never experienced before surfaced. I was offended and wanted to know what was wrong with me. A question that I have decided to give up on because my brain has convinced me that it was so much more than that. The fact that I am where I am today only solidifies that. So in the end, why it happened doesn’t matter but what my brother said was:
You’re not emotionally stable enough to be a mess around with kind of girl.
Which I suppose I am fine with. I am much more emotionally stable that I have probably ever been and though a few people can push that limit when they actively try, I can’t say that he is wrong. I can tell myself one thing all day long but at the end of the day, those involved see that I am every bit of what someone would expect from me. A stereotypical Scorpio that has made every list of Scorpio traits nearly comical.
I try to remember my boundaries and stay on my side of the road but when I can’t resist, I make sure to be quite and respectful. I have so much to learn from her and I hope that she knows that I am more than ready for that adventure. I am no where near perfect but I have the desire and willpower to transgress into the next stage of my life if she ever decides that is something we should do.
This is one of the songs that my brother likes to play and sing, so I have heard it on repeat for years but when it came on the radio the other day on my drive to work – I paused all thoughts to listen.
Today, has been one of those days. A co-worker was out, so I was left juggling nearly 30 all center agents that all think they are the center of the universe. Really its probably only a quarter of them but it seems like a lot. I have been pissing people off left and right. After a long day of making my agents mad because they expect too much from me and getting yelled at and threaten by customers, I come home and have to deal with the two closest people telling me how much I don’t do for them. I offered to watch my sisters children during pride weekend and somehow ruined it and misunderstood when my brother wanted a ride to Subway so somehow I have ruined his night and he is going to starve. I didn’t respond appropriately, not that I even know what that would be. I cried some and then listened to the following songs. It started with a song that made me think about her the other day while I was in the grocery store. It reminded me of my blind and most likely stupid faith. The rest of the songs came on following it on YouTube. I would be lying if I said that it didn’t hurt when she said, “I don’t need you anymore and I don’t want you.” I suppose that would shock most anyone. Just give it time and I will find a way to fuck it up. I am pretty sure, I have always wished that someone thought about me when they heard this song..
For fun I decided to look up my horoscope today, because why not. I can’t feel like everyone hates me without blaming the universe or something, can I.
Since I am no longer a teenager, I was not sure where one would get a horoscope, so I just googled it and selected the Chicago’s news paper, because seems to be a legitment source:
Relations with others might be strained or aloof today. People are not sure which action to take or which direction to go. You probably feel the same way. Therefore, be ginger about whatever you do. Go gently. Avoid important decisions and avoid spending money on anything other than food or gas.
Today, I drifted to reading a horoscope and I appreciate that it was more kind than the last that I had read.
Here is some soft music that the radio has subjected me to recently;