Last night, I had the hardest time falling asleep.
I’ve been struggling with thinking about the fact that she is probably sleeping next to him every night and it’s been more agonizing than normal.
Author: She Says
But in the end if I’m with you. I’ll take the chance
Cause It’s always raining in my head
Best part of this post is the truck behind Aaron Lewis. I used to have a ’72 Ford that looked just like it, though it never ran in my lifetime. It had been stored for many years and the transmission had been stolen while in storage. I thought that as a 15 year old child, i was going to figure that right out and as I found out that even in the year 2000, it was not easy to come by an engine for a 1972 truck. I’m not sure what happened to it but it was probably given away one I realized I could not do more than sit in it and listen to the radio and boy did I ever. It had a very specific smell in it, I think my dad would laugh and say ‘yeah varnish’ if I mentioned it. I still don’t really understand if gas turns into varnish but if I were to say that outload my male family members would wonder how I get by in life – the good thing is, no one ever calls into the helpdesk at work asking why 1972 trucks smell weird inside.
I decided to look into this and fuck… how does he know so much – I still don’t understand but yes.. varnish..
Listen to my voice, it’s my disguise. I’m by your side
Oh how does this random psychic say so many specific things? I can not possibly see so much meaning in every damn video I watch of hers. At first I was like, whatever, I’ll enjoy this adorable video and with to believe in it because it is fun and then she says a phrase that is on my stop me in my tracks list and I don’t know why she would say ‘right some wrongs’ but she did and it kinda of creeped me out. Is this a phrase people really used? It creeped me out the first time I hear it and it was a very impactful moment in my life – so I just chalk it up to being something I don’t really like to hear.
Well this random human on the internet that tells me about my love life is hilarious, so I am glad that she is at least entertaining because somehow she has captured my interest – but I would be hesitant to let anyone actually know that.
If I didn’t love you I’d be good by now
This morning on the way to work, as I was reliving a moment in my my past over and over again, this song came on. Its the second time that I have heard it on the radio recently.
Today in my thought drifting – I ended up at a day that we spent at my house. One of the most passionate days in my life. As she melted into me, I tried my best to control myself and knew that she was already struggling with the intensity that we had found – so though that day, I wanted to tell her how much I loved her, it trickled out with a, “I care about your deeply” and I sure as hell still do.
Well – actually, the other song I heard may have been:
and then on the way back home on my lunch break – I heard one of those new country songs that kept me listening though I typically can’t stand these songs that all sound the same to me.
Now I get to use her famous line – I usually listen to harder music than this..
However – here I am.
Divinely Guided Love Message
..whatever that means
I woke up to a message that was sent to me from the witch friend and it was simply this video.
Until a few days ago, I had not even heard of this person before, but today I will decide to heart this message and I am quite confident that I felt all these ways already but its pretty interesting all the same – if anything, I know that my friend listens to me when I talk and hears messages in the universe that make me smile.
PM Update:
I thought about these words all day and just wondered how and why – but just went on my day and reminded myself to stay present – work has been terrible but I get through it. Even if these are completely random videos, which I guess – they are, those words (probably) are no less untrue. I already believe all that alone, its just a reminder of my imagined other side – but strange to hear in random video all the same.
I’ve had the deepest things that I want to say to her but it would be out of no where – but that’s kind of my thing. I will work on writing something better and sending it soon.
Last update,
I scrolled back through her videos and picked one. It happened to be on my birthday, before I has seen any videos – and this is what I found:
Scorpio Love Reading
I have been helping my friend work on her tarot website and during our building of the site and finding inspiration she had me watch some tarot readings. She had already seen this one but told me to go watch it because it was certainly for me – so I did.
She had already seen that one but knew that I would love it. A lot of those cards have come up in the past when we were playing around – well she knows what she is doing, I was just playing around and day dreaming.
This morning I decided to watch this girls new video. The one above was from yesterday.
Your love is better than chocolate
Have you been half asleep
And have you heard voices
I’ve heard them calling my name
Is this the sweet sound that call’s the young sailors
The voice might be one and the same
I’ve heard it too many times to ignore it
Its something that I’m supposed to be
Someday we’ll find it
The Rainbow Connection
Some nights, when I catch myself listening to Sarah McLachlan, I want to tell her that all of her songs aren’t heart-wrenching, but I might actually be wrong about that. They do pull at my heart strings.
I’ll tell her when we are cuddled up in bed and Better than Chocolate is ending, then I will know that I have found my moment.
Yours are the sweetest eyes I’ve ever seen
It’s been a long few days and I am just holding my breath and trying not to worry about her. She has been on vacation for a few days and I am not really sure how long she will be gone. I can’t imagine that her work would let her off for very long. I was doing just fine and we were exchanging messages each morning and night and then at some point yesterday Tam started to worry about her and ask me questions – Tam doesn’t know how to be soft and gentle with me – so she just starts throwing it all out there and telling me about random cards she pulled about M – she doesn’t even know her but I guess I radiate enough energy, all of my friends practically believe that she is my future gf as much as I do – so they treat her as such.
She started asking me a lot of questions about her vacation that I just didn’t have the answers to. She asked me if she was in control or was along for the ride – told me they seemed lost or confused about their destination. She asked me who she was with and I knew none of it. I explained to her that I don’t ask most questions because I trust her to tell me what she wants to tell me and I never want to make her feel like she has to lie to me – so I would rather just not know.
When she didn’t get online last night after my emotions were stirred a little, I tried not to let it bother me. I was out with my friends but grew heavily distracted when I didn’t hear from her – I thought it was ridiculous so I tried not to think much of it or bother her with my concerns. Tam’s words were just all coming back to me and I started to wonder if there was any truth in it. A vacation where he and she are travelling by car is the last thing my nerves need right now, but instead of talking about the way I dig myself into emotional holes – I will just remain calm and watch vigilantly.