Author: She Says

Well I’m runnin through the world

• by She Says • In Dreams, Folk Rock, Pop, Rock •   Comments Off on Well I’m runnin through the world

The last message I sent her before going to bed said that I wished that we could stay up all night talking.

Then I had a dream, that felt like it lasted all night. We went multiple places and had an amazing time. Currently I can remember a few specifics and it seems that those were the moments that really stood out to me in the dream – but what do I know, I can’t even remember the rest.

I can’t connect the dots or even guess how it all started. I can say that there was a time that I was in a pool, and I feel like I had to get in in my shirt and underwear. I’m not one to make such bold moves. At some point, I was touching her side, taking note that it was real and I could actually touch her, she put her hand on mine to calm my nervous movements.

If I were to try to pull specific themes to go read about, this would be my thrown together list.

  • Pool, swimming
  • Going to eat
  • Watching the sun rise
  • Believed I could feel touching her

Its more of the specific moments that stand out to me but I am not ready to put words to it. I woke up feeling like we spent the night talking – but I can’t remember any meaningful dialogue.

We were walking through some field, it almost resembled a game that I play, when the sun started to come up and she pointed over toward the horizon and made a comment to suggest that we did get to stay up all night talking.

Pool

To see a pool of water in your dream indicates that you need to acknowledge and understand your feelings. It is time to dive in and deal with those emotions. Alternatively, a pool indicates your desire to be cleansed. You need to wash away the past.

Restaurant

To dream that you are in a restaurant suggests that you are feeling overwhelmed by decisions and choices that you need to make in your life. Alternatively, it indicates that you are seeking for emotional nourishment outside of your social support system.

Sunrise

To see the sunrise in your dream represents new beginnings, renewal of life and energy, and fulfillment of your goals and purpose. You are about to embark on a new adventure in your personal life.

Touching

To dream that you are touching someone or something indicates that you are trying to communicate your feelings and your need for contact. You may be trying to evaluate a situation and gather information about your environment.

To dream that you are being touched represents your closeness and/or relationship with a particular person. It may also mean that you are connected and well in tune with an aspect of yourself. Alternatively, being touched may be a metaphor that you are feeling emotional and sensitive.

I know there was much more and if it comes back to me, I will attempt to amend.

maybe I’m supposed to make one of my famous jokes

• by She Says • In Folk Rock •   Comments Off on maybe I’m supposed to make one of my famous jokes

I don’t know what is with me today, I have been so mad and easily agitated. It’s been a while since I have really been able to talk to her, pretty much since my dog died which has been a little over 2 weeks now.

Maybe I am just feeling crushed.

I have had unrealistic expectations for a long time and it’s really breaking me down today.

What she said meant even more

• by She Says • In Country •   Comments Off on What she said meant even more

Once in a while, the first cassette tape I owned comes up. These songs were on mine.. Very impressively, my brother then walks into the other room and oddly found his first tape. I still think mine was better. Its hilarious to know which song I chose it because of.

I laugh, I love, I hope, I try

I hurt, I need, I fear, I cry

And I know you do the same things, too

So we’re really not that different, me and you

This is my heart bleeding before you

• by She Says • In Rock •   Comments Off on This is my heart bleeding before you

Today, as I picked my patterns apart, I questioned why the holidays are so painful for me. Words echoed in my heart and it started to make sense. My childhood was what most would consider less than ideal. When my aunt was talking me though whatever situation I was dealing with – she would tell me that one day I would have my own family to celebrate Christmas with, I don’t know exactly what she would say but it would give me hope for the future.

Now that I am here, I am terrified that time will pass me by and all I want is my own family.

Like a bolt out of the blue

• by She Says • In Music •   Comments Off on Like a bolt out of the blue

Last night, as I was driving home on a old dark road, I approached a stop sign and as I did – the brightest star seemed to fall right in front of me. My brother commented about it and I turned down the radio to make a wish. I know that he was questioning what I was doing at first but I think he realized it quickly.

I have been making the exact same wish since I saw a star fall down over her house as I walked to Torie’s Halloween party that first year. I am quite sure that she was in San Francisco at the time.

It started with me wishing for her true happiness and then ended with something like – even if it’s not with me – mainly because I wanted her to really love me, not just become a wish fulfilment – not that that is even real but I wasn’t about to take my chances.

Well last night, I was finally secure enough to say, ‘and if it’s with me, even better.’ I guess I felt comfortable enough knowing that if she does love me, its probably not because of all the star that I have wished upon for her to find what truly makes her happy… and well the next thing I did was rush to vaguely mention it to her.

More random information about how soft my life has become: As I drove to work today, I found my thoughts drifting to somewhere I didn’t even see coming, which lead to: “But I only want to be her emergency contact.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at myself and wonder what the hell goes on in my head.